What is expected

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What is expected - 12/30/2004 2:22:04 PM

Nikita

Posts: 14
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

I just have to ask this and am kinda nervous because I have been reading these boards and stupid questions are punished but I am very new and have also seen a wealth of knowledge on them so here goes. When you make contact with a perspective Dom and you begin talking,what is expected of you for example are you supposed to discuss fantasies and sex or not,I ask because to me this feels like cyber sex which i think is stupid but I seem to be getting it alot.I want someone genuine for a seious commitment and am not sure where to set the boundaries when it comes to discussing certain things before we meet.also i keep being told to come to the Doms location with very little discussion I dont understand this atall and why oh why do they never want to know anything about me I just don't feel comfertable with the structure of the conversations I am having.If things carry on like this i feel i will never find anyone.

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RE: What is expected - 12/30/2004 2:44:11 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

nikita,

I learned a long time ago that the only stupid question is the one that you don't ask.

The people that get made fun of on this forum are typically people that ask questions that have already been answered a million times before, or questions that they already know the answers to.

Before you meet a Dom, you have every right to set how, when, and where you will meet. If a perspective Dom is hesitant in answering questions, that should be the first red flag.

It is fair to discuss sexual desires with a Dom, and it should not be in the context of cyber sex, you both need to know what you like, and see if you have similar interests.

I am a believer that a safe realtime meeting should happen quickly. This will seperate the wannabes, and fakes. Don't do anything unsafe, but if you seek realtime, then do it realtime.

I read your profile, it's well thought out, and written. I wish you luck in your search, take your time, choose wisely, and enjoy yourself.

< Message edited by INSIDEYOURMIND -- 12/30/2004 2:45:08 PM >

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RE: What is expected - 12/30/2004 2:49:12 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

to me this feels like cyber sex which i think is stupid

Nikita,
Perfect attitude. I don't believe that any Dom who's ambition it is to meet real time with a perspective submissive would need or want any type of cyber sex. That sort of personal experience and personal preference discussion should be at a point when both you and he feel comfortable with each other.

Have enough discussion and contact to make you comfortable with meeting. LIKE the person. Chat enough to know if you like him. Hopefully the person you decide to meet is close enough to drive to. Ideally meet in a neutral location, consider taking a friend. There are a lot of threads here at Collarme regarding safety, read them over and MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SECURITY.

Be patient. Don't compromise.

Good Luck!

(in reply to Nikita)

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RE: What is expected - 12/30/2004 3:02:31 PM

peppermint379

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/18/2004
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Nikita,

First, use your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, then most likely it is not right. You don't have to tell a stranger you've just begun chatting with, Dom or not, anything about your sex life if that is not comfortable for you. In my experience, those who want you to tell all your sexual fantasies during a first chat are just looking for a quick sex thrill.

Never go visit a Dom without a safety net. A Dom should provide you with references. You should know his real name, his real address, his real phone number, and his real work number at the very least. Check these out. He should also encourage you to set up a "safe call". That is someone, a good friend, who has his information. You will call this friend at prearranged times to let your friend know that you are okay. There are posts on the board dealing with first meetings. Read them.

I'm not sure what you are looking for, but if you're looking for a long term relationship, then it's necessary to be friends before there is a BDSM relationship....at least in my opinion. A submissive does not HAVE to submit to every Dominant. It's your choice. When i am ready to begin my search, i want to find a best friend as well as one who is dominant.

Remember also....those you contact here might not be who they say they are. Anyone can make a profile, say they are a Dominant or a submissive. It's up to you to weed the pretenders out. Always be cautious.

pepper

(in reply to Nikita)

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RE: What is expected - 12/30/2004 7:45:30 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

I just don't feel comfertable with the structure of the conversations I am having

Bingo! There is no reason you should feel comfortable with everyone, and as you can already tell there are a lot of wankers out there. So consider yourself lucky that you can shop around until the chemistry of the conversations are more to your liking and you can consider meeting someone. Until then, trust your instincts as Peppermint said, and if someone is giving you the creeps then no need to waste any more time on him.

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RE: What is expected - 12/30/2004 9:26:07 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I have to echo the sentiment of the other's. If I was searching for a dom and they just didn't care to hear my feelings or emotions. Well, I guess I'd keep searching.
If they don't care to hear now. What will it be like in a year?

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RE: What is expected - 12/31/2004 10:16:17 AM

nikitasweet

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/30/2004
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Thankyou for all your good common sense feed back it is much appreciated,I am sad to report I am still unsucessful in my search but have taken all advice given into consideration in my search.

thanx again
nikita

(in reply to sub4hire)

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RE: What is expected - 12/31/2004 10:18:50 PM

mysticsoul

Posts: 55
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

Hi Nikita!

Don't give up your search - the right Dom/Master will come along and will want to get to know you as a person.

When my Master first contacted me, He was interested in getting to know me. We joked around about alot of things and chatted online (the first time) for nearly 5 hours - it was crazy but we got along that well. He made me laugh and that really appealed to me. He never suggested that we meet up or I come to Him at all.

We've had our disagreements/arguments - both of us have disappointed the other and have worked through them over the months and years we've known eachother now. What impressed me is how He handles Himself during a disagreement that we're having - He always remains in control of His responses to me and how He treats me.

If it doesn't feel right to you - if you feel that they are rushing you into something you're not sure about - then DON'T DO IT! Just because you're submissive does not mean you're submissive to every so-called Dom/Master. They've got to earn your trust by their actions and attitude that you get to know over time. There are a ton of HNG's out there.

Well, I've rambled on a bit (hehe) - HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

< Message edited by mysticsoul -- 12/31/2004 10:37:20 PM >

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