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ShadeDiva -> RE: Anal Sex - Condom or No Condom ? (12/30/2004 8:42:43 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GirlieGirl
what about after we've been tested? Isn't it safer still to wear a condom?
It sounds to me like you might not be familiar with the facts about STD testing, and what those tests actually mean.
It goes something like this:
You plan to have unprotected sex in any fashion (anal, oral, vaginal) - fluid bonding is one way to term this - and you wish to plan for this so that it is as safe for the two of you that it can be.
So you and your partner agree that each feels it is vital and necessary and important for both of you to get tested to assure yourselves that either you are healthy or to at least identify what STD the other carries so that you can then make an informed decision on if you wish to still have sex - and what protection measures you must abide by to insure as best as one can (NOTHING is foolproof!) that the one that is carrying the STD (or if the both of you find out that each of you have two different types of STDs - so that you don't add on another STD to the one you are already dealing with and compound the health issues you'd both be facing) doesn't pass it on to the other.
Now that you both have agreed to this, you both go get tested.
Important note here:
ONCE TESTED - ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY THAT OCCURS AFTERWARDS IS NOT COVERED BY THAT TEST.
That means you both get tested, he gets a blowjob, or she gives one, that test (even if oral is not the most common vector, it *can* happen) is now for all intents and purposes null and void. Doesn't matter if that test comes back clean, they have once again placed the question of their clean bill of health into doubt. Period.
So let's say - hypothetically - that until you get your intial tests back, both of you are completely chaste, no sexual contact of anything, no fluid bonding at all, with *any* other person, and the tests come back clean.
Well, that IS good news.
But ...
... this is NOT "a go ahead and it's safe" bill of clean health. Nope.
For many diseases and viruses, yes, at that point, you could be pretty much safe.
However HIV won't show for 6 months on a test (unless they have improved the tests, but last I knew it was a 6 month radius). So if you use the first test as the offical starting point (which logically, is the only thing you can bet on with any degree of certainty if at all), you would then need to wait *another* 6 months without ANY sexual contact or fluid bonding with another person occuring for either of you, and THEN get tested at that 6 month bench-mark.
If it comes back clean after 6 months for both of you, you have done your best to insure your health is being addressed and that you have done all you can to verify your partner is clean.
There *is* however a BIG catch in all this.
You HAVE to be able to 100% TRUST that the other person cares enough about you and themselves to FULLY abstain from any fluid exchange or sexual activity of any type from the time of the first test to getting the second test's results. ANY sexual contact or fluid echange between the results of the first and second nullify the entire test's validity for having ANY assurances that they are free from any STDs as best as we can test for at this time.
Many people will NOT be honest about that time frame and quite often I've heard of those that did have sexual contact in between their tests and wound up passing a STD to their partner who had thought they took every precaution. They didn't take every precaution in knowing who they were dealing with and being able to say to themselves that this person will NOT endanger me or themselves in this manner.
Delusion can be deadly in this manner. This is where no excuses, and cold hard facts and reality must be faced and - as honestly as they can be - assessed. It's not easy to do, but the consequence of not doing it can affect the rest of your life and all the people in your life.
So realize, all the test can say - is that AT THAT MOMENT that they were tested - they were clean.
It says nothing of 6 months down the road, and any sexual contact and fluid exchange after the test renders that test to be basically void.
I will say this, that I would *never* consent to having unprotected anal sex (or ANY sexual contact actually) wih anyone that I could not say without the slightest inkling of doubt, gave enough of a shit about me and my life that they would never endanger it for a mere sexual frolic. Ever. Period, end of story.
That's just what I do, but I take my health very seriously. Dominants, lovers, boyfriends/girlfriends, friends - they ALL come and go to some extent on some level - but your health is literally with you forever.
We all want to beleive that the person we dig or are in love with at the time will be there forever, but that is so often just not the case. I don't want the legacy of a mistake I made with a person that didn't give a flying fuck about me or my health impacting my life until I die or those I wind up being involved with after the jerk and I are done. I just don't need or want that millstone around my neck, and I will do my best to not stupidly hang it on myself.
To me, my health is worth the sacrifice of immediate self pleasure.
Any day.
JMO, FWIIW.
~ShadeDiva
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