New to this and being the dom (Full Version)

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mistressfran -> New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 6:10:55 AM)

hi  i am kinda new to this and being the dom and taking control if anyone can give me some hints on  things  i want to learn everything befor meeting my sub [sm=trident.gif]




Jasmyn -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 6:12:22 AM)

What kind of fem dom do you want to be?




mistressfran -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 6:20:00 AM)

i want to learn  things  on how to punish him for being naughty learn more things on spanking him tieing him up




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 6:33:52 AM)

I'll mention that punishing him for being naughty by spanking him, tying him up will only encourage him to be naughty.  Some tops like that, alot don't.   Personally,  I hate when subs misbehave to get "punished" - i.e. the play they want - it's highly manipulative of them and in my opinion, a bad habit subs fall into - and negates the dominant's authority.  I'd much rather engage in spanking and bondage for mutual enjoyment, and the well behaved sub gets that.

So, some resources:
The Complete Spanker, by Lady Green
Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook, by Jay Wiseman
Anything by Claudia Varren and Jack Rinella

Get involved in your local scene and go to workshops and munches and discussions.  To find them, google BDSM + munch + your area.




BONERY -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 6:37:15 AM)

bonery ask,how many kinds of Femdom,s are there? in reply to Jasmyn question,




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 6:39:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BONERY

bonery ask,how many kinds of Femdom,s are there? in reply to Jasmyn question,



Basically, what type of femdom you are depends on what you want out of it.  Do you want someone to clean your house in a tutu?  Do you want someone to beat then lock in a cage overnight?  Do you want an ongoing life relationship?   etc etc

Same goes for what type of sub are you - depends on what you want out of it.   You're not going to make a good live in service boy if all you really want is to be tied up and flogged once a month when the moon is full.




cloudboy -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 7:00:37 AM)


One important thing you can do is verbalize to your sub your intentions to dominate and control him.

Even though you may not be a bondage or spanking "expert," you can state your intentions and make them goals. You can even include your sub in the project by saying, "I want you to come with me to buy some restraints," or "I want you to help me select a good paddle." Take your time, go at your own pace, and keep your sub on the same page.

It is an important bonding experience between Mistress and sub to share D/S projects together.

With my own Mistress, what I appreciate most is how the Dominance comes from her and how she includes me in that sphere. It is very personal.

When a guy feels you are being personal with him, he will open himself up to bonding and submitting to you. (Assuming he likes you, of course.)




Jasmyn -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 7:07:24 AM)

Play a few games, blindfolded, ask them to pick a peg colour, putting one on or taking one off depending on whether or not you let them get it right or wrong, or ask them to spell a word like beer (bear, bare) and by default they are wrong, putting on pegs, or adding to the number of strokes their punishment will be.  I like to make them recite something, over and over, word for word ... like (off the top of my head) "I am Mistress Jasmyn's sub and am here at her mercy, to love, honour and obey, in service and submission" or if I'm in a fanciful mood, maybe have them sing a nursery ryhyme ..
 
Bondage, a little discomfort is ok, but unless they've agreed they want to have to see a chiropracter when you're done, allow them to be as comfortable as the scene dictates ... ie nice and erotic, you're going to want them to be relaxed while a hard punishment scene, a little stress on the body wouldn't go astray.  There are a number of good bondage safety articles on the net.
 
One of my favourite positions for spanking is in a comfortable chair, the leg they are to lean over extended, lifting it to a sitting position as their body shape allows for, their legs outstretched, legs spread, balls and penis hanging, exposed between their legs, and their head down, allowing them to kiss or lick the boot on my other foot.  Talking to them about their predicament, why I am about to do what I am to do, telling them what they are to say after each hand spank ie "#3, thank you Mistress, may I please have another" ... returning to #1 any and everytime they get the number wrong or don't recite word for word as I told them.

Sometimes it's easier to get into a theme/role the first few times doing a spanking scene, and become someone, like Madam Spanker, disciplinarian to the stars ;) , have some fun with it ... or he is an wayward slave of a fellow fem dom and has been sent to you for inspection to see if you are willing to take him on at your slave reform school ;)

I quite like, teasing a boy as he does things deserving of punishment, that it will keep and bring them up in a scene later for punishment, playing the peg game or someother such game, telling him, remember last Friday when you forgot to put the rubbish out and we had to live with a stinky garage for a week?  well, this colour (or question) is for that and it is worth 5 strokes of the cane if you get it wrong.  And when spanking him, getting him to tell me each set of strokes are for what misdemeanor. 
 
A few years ago, helping at a BDSM stand for an erotica expo, a young man was amping to be tied up a flogged by his partner, she was shy and standoffish, not keen to hit him, least of all in front of a gathering crowd.  I flogged him for a bit telling her how to do a couple of basic strokes beforehanding the flogger to her.  She waved the flogger in the general area of his rump, her face bright red as a heckler in the crowd yelled out to hit him harder.  I slidled up to her and whispered in her ear ... remember that time he didn't put the dishes away when he said he would? now hit him, *slap* ...and the time he said he was only having one drink with the boys but rolled him drunk with brewers droop at 3.00am? now hit him *SLAP* ... and all those times he's left the toilet seat up or pulled your head under the sheets when he's let one rip? now hit him *Whack* ...or forgot your birthday *WHACK* ... she was too cute... suddenly into it, and with quite the aim!  Kick back for a bit and have fun with it.




mistressfran -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 8:28:15 AM)

i want to thank you all for all your advice i am sitting here reading  alot of things have caught my eye




LadyHugs -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 11:17:52 AM)

Dear mistressfran, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
It is my thought, that any new dominant has in mind what they wish to be seen as by the submissive.  It really can be seen as 'packaged for public consumption.'  But, I will add--that a 'false' presentation, such as trying to be a meanie when you're a kind person, will get old and really isn't authentic to your nature.  True, we can 'role play' but; being honest as how you wish to be treated and served, is how you may work on the relationship and not focused on yourself.
 
If you have role models, as to what inspires you as a dominant, then use those traits that you admire.  I highly doubt if any would be upset with a lady with manners and treats all with kindness.
 
I highly recommend attending any local BDSM support and education groups, to which may address your physical skills.  In addition, watching people in the D/s or M/s role may inspire you as well.  Those who practice high protocol may thrill you, as you can see yourself as a noble lady being served by a footman. 
 
I would ask questions with those who within your local community has a working D/s or M/s relationship.  The ups and downs need to be shared and known, having support by others is important.
 
Be prepared to make mistakes.  New, it will happen and apologies won't hurt anybody's credibility.  Everybody was new once, walked before running in the lifestyle or scene.  Know when to be serious, such as dealing with the body of another.  Know when to have some fun.  Know when to stop and be patient with others and appreciate those who do the same.  Asking for help is not a dirty thing to do.
It is hard to ask for help but, I don't know any dominant (self included) that knows everything.  Communication is always important, from beginnings to the end.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs




porcelaine -> RE: New to this and being the dom (8/22/2006 4:25:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistressfran

hi  i am kinda new to this and being the dom and taking control if anyone can give me some hints on  things  i want to learn everything befor meeting my sub


The best gift you can give any prospective submissive is having a firm grip on who you are, what you desire, and displaying an unflinching ability to be both controlled and impartial. Communication is imperative. If you can't verbalize what you desire you cannot expect them to figure it out on their own. Consider the skills and deficiencies you possess and how these may be of merit or detriment in your relations. Cultivate patience and a firm grounding in reality. When the submissive wants to soar to the clouds and you know a snails pace is required you will have to pull him back to earth.

I always recommend improving one's leadership skills. In every major city there are a number of courses and seminars that provide an avenue to learn. Think laterally and remember everything isn't always black and white. Taking a step backwards or off to the side doesn't mean progress hasn't been made. Address your fears and come to terms with them. If you cannot accept your own you'll be hard pressed accepting another's or showing them how to do so. View this as a journey and one where mastery is the goal but something that is ever changing.

Keep in mind that your dominance is just as precious as the submission that is given. Be flexible and willing to compromise when necessary. Be confident but not to the extent where you forget we all have something to teach and learn. Don't forget your humility. Dominants that possess this trait have a certain glow that is unmistakable and rare to encounter.

Best of luck to you.

porcelaine




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