RE: Throwing In the Towel

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Bearlee -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/23/2006 7:30:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee The hardest part for me is that I want it in my DAILY life. It seems there are lots and lots of folks who play at it... and just in the bedroom. Fine for them; but I want a D/s (or M/s) RELATIONSHIP. I think for many, that's just too big a bite. <sigh> There are just as many that say they want this, but the reality of what that means is often eye opening and for a few far too real. I liken this to wishing on a star, but failing to prepare should the thing you desire come knocking. I've encountered this myself more than once. Oh...I've tasted it and understand the reality. I'm not just wishing on stars.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/23/2006 11:13:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine I'm curious to learn how you've combatted the desire to walk away from the lifestyle. For those that did and returned, what inspired you to try again? If you muddled through and remained, what kept you focused? In all instances I would appreciate any advice or suggestions that you might provide. Thank you in advance. porcelaine I have twice tried to deny who I was, and walk away. The magnetic pull to my spirit always proved to be too strong to fight. All the while, a slave was buried inside me who was burning to emerge. I did not even know it in a logical realm, yet the draw was too great to ignore. There was a time I wished I were not a slave. I said that to Master once in our first year together. Now that the callouses of the world have been removed from me, the slave is able to be who she is, and who she must be. Denying her would have been detrimental to her inner essence. Sometimes in life we are faced with the need to understand who we are and what our path must be. It is not always a clear and easy uncovering. For some it is the most difficult feat they have encountered, yet the most rewarding. That was the case for me.

RavenMuse -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 5:34:57 AM)
Walk away? To where? I am not vanilla, the choise is between D/s relationship and no relationship at all. Sort of keeps itself in focus when looked at realisticly. I am not suited to a monastic existance either[:D]

Hersalone2003 -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 6:05:13 AM)
I can understand how you feel. I have walked away, even though in my heart I am a slave. That will never change and I really doubt that I can hide it away forever, or even much longer at that point. It just became too much to handle the torrents of fake people and the people that mean well but don't really understand what we're all about. I'm the type of boy who likes to take it slow, chat as friends, and if there is a connection, something will happen. I know everyone isn't like that, but I grew tired of dealing with it and had no choice but to walk away because of how hard it was on me. I know in my heart I am a slave and to me, the hardest part of hiding it is knowing that there is possibly someone out there needing me to kneel at Their feet and devote my entire life to Their happiness. That is why I still come on here and see what is going on. Deep down I know I can't stay away. I'll be back in time, you will be too. This is what we are and we can't hide from the overwhelming desire to give entire being to the One special person. Take your time and find yourself. I understand your frustration. Don't let anyone tell you that because you have to walk away you are not a slave. Just because you walk away doesn't mean you can't come back. I am more than willing to chat at any time if you need someone to talk to. Either way, stay strong. You have to respect yourself and know who you are before you can truly give yourself to someone else. ~piggy

petcerina -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 7:15:09 AM)
i did try to walk away before i decided to go real life. i was 18 and i was with a vanilla partner and i was in the process of trying to explain to him about the Lifestyle. He felt it was a mask and just roleplaying and that wasn't enough for me. i'm not proud of it, but at the time i was cheating on-line by searching for Doms and cybering with them. i had someone tell me i couldn't walk the line anymore. i had to choose between staying with the vanilla partner and giving up the on-line game, or giving up the vanilla partner and search to find myself. i choose to walk away. It wasn't even a week that i stayed gone. i had found some porn that involved tying up and a blindfold i think, and when i orgasmed, tears streamed down my face. i couldn't understand it. What had just happened? i talked to some people and found out the best words to describe it was an emotional orgasm. i began to realize that i couldn't stay away, and that i had to leave, so i did. i have never looked back since. i doubt i ever will.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 7:20:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine I'm curious to learn how you've combatted the desire to walk away from the lifestyle. For those that did and returned, what inspired you to try again? If you muddled through and remained, what kept you focused? In all instances I would appreciate any advice or suggestions that you might provide. Thank you in advance. porcelaine I've never had that desire to walk away from the lifestyle. I've had my interests wax and wane- sometimes I want more outings and conventions, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want play every other day, and sometimes I don't want play for a few weeks. I think for me it's because I've always realized that whatever I choose for myself is what I will get. I didn't come into bdsm as a magical escape into Happyland, I didn't come into bdsm thinking it would take care of all the problems I had. So when those things came up- I dealt with it like anyone would. I think the most COMMON reason people come back to the life after they leave is that they realize they still don't fit where they are, and that they are not finding fulfillment in other types of relationships. The problem here is that they return to bdsm for the same reasons- seeking fulfillment through external issues, without ever really figuring out what's going on internally. They just bounce around like a pinball. I think why I stay in the scene is simply that it still serves me- it's there when I want it, for play, for socializing, for dressing up, for fun and I take what I want. I don't choose relationships because they "aren't vanilla"- I choose relationships because they are right for ME.

Hersalone2003 -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 7:35:09 AM)
I agree completely with everything You said. However, I believe that I have learned and am learning a lot about myself since I have walked away from this. I know I will be back and I burn inside to let the slave in me out into the open. As time passes I am becoming more involved on here and other places again. I believe walking away from the lifestyle has given much much more potential as a slave. As each day passes, I realize that I need so much more than what the vanilla life can provide.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 9:39:51 AM)
I know that you asked this of submissives...but...I thought my story might help. As most people do, I started in this with kinky sex. I had a "submissive" who was a guy I was dating. We had fun. Then, I met the man who would become my second husband. He knew I was kinky, but wasn't much into it. I decided I could live without...packed up all my toys (which weren't many) and put them in a trunk. But, I never stopped thinking about it...every day I thought about it. I read fiction and non-fiction...talked about it with my husband. So, when the day came that I sat down and told him I really needed to explore it, he wasn't surprised. We set up some ground rules...by now, I'd moved into wanting SM and service, so the rule about no penis/vagina sex wasn't too big of a deal. I joined groups and then ventured into the national commuity. After a while, I found this to be a spiritual path and a quickly grew in a direction away from my husband. In the end, it was that growth, not the activities per say, that was a factor in our divorce. So, in short, if this is really a part of you, you'll never be able to get rid of it. If it's not, you won't have a problem. Sometimes, frustrations can make us give up (like me giving up playing the piano for years...I've just, in the last year, taken it back up). Music is a part of me...as is Leather. Master Fire

fyreredsub -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 10:06:10 AM)
For those that did and returned, what inspired you to try again? well the first time i left i had been a Domme and i knew i was unfullfilled i just couldnt quite figure out why. then it happened...grins i came across the word Gor and i gor such a reaction reading i just knew that was what was wrong...i had been missing. so yeah then comes the muddled through and remain part...[8D] i am a slave at heart......if i wish to follow my heart and be happy .....well i guess i gotta scratch off some lottery tickets till i find a winner (sense of humor helps as do great friends) good luck

porcelaine -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 10:24:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie There was a time I wished I were not a slave. I said that to Master once in our first year together. Now that the callouses of the world have been removed from me, the slave is able to be who she is, and who she must be. Denying her would have been detrimental to her inner essence. If the bells get any louder I will go deaf. I'm sure you know I'm smiling as I read your words. Well stated as usual. I'll forward the bill to you know who. porcelaine

porcelaine -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 10:31:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I've never had that desire to walk away from the lifestyle. I've had my interests wax and wane- sometimes I want more outings and conventions, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want play every other day, and sometimes I don't want play for a few weeks. I think for me it's because I've always realized that whatever I choose for myself is what I will get. I didn't come into bdsm as a magical escape into Happyland, I didn't come into bdsm thinking it would take care of all the problems I had. So when those things came up- I dealt with it like anyone would. I think the most COMMON reason people come back to the life after they leave is that they realize they still don't fit where they are, and that they are not finding fulfillment in other types of relationships. The problem here is that they return to bdsm for the same reasons- seeking fulfillment through external issues, without ever really figuring out what's going on internally. They just bounce around like a pinball. I think why I stay in the scene is simply that it still serves me- it's there when I want it, for play, for socializing, for dressing up, for fun and I take what I want. I don't choose relationships because they "aren't vanilla"- I choose relationships because they are right for ME. LA, You post some very insightful words and the above are merely a reflection of the statement made. Many times I see a huge focus placed on doing things that aren't vanilla or an attempt to be anything other than that. When the truth is relatively simple and we all engage in what we enjoy. Labels and lifestyles aside of course. Your words bring home a valid point which can easily be forgotten. The very things that send us packing from one place to the next are carried along within. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They were much appreciated. porcelaine

porcelaine -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 10:35:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam I know that you asked this of submissives...but...I thought my story might help. So, in short, if this is really a part of you, you'll never be able to get rid of it. If it's not, you won't have a problem. Sometimes, frustrations can make us give up (like me giving up playing the piano for years...I've just, in the last year, taken it back up). Music is a part of me...as is Leather. Thank you for sharing your story. These feelings are not unique to one party. I've seen similar thoughts echoed by dominants too. It is my hope that the comments provided will be of use to those who are facing this very thing. It can be a difficult path to walk and definitely one that will have twists, turns, and lots of frustrating moments. But in the end it is very fulfilling and rewarding. I'm pleased to hear that you found your place and returned to the music in your heart. porcelaine

suraya -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 10:47:14 AM)
maybe i am not a true submissive, but right now in my life and my Doms life, W.we have other things that are more important than living the life. W/we do not scene often, but i know He is my Master and i am His. i enjoy the lifestyle, but after just having a baby and Him working 80 hours a week, its just not happening for U/us. W.we are the furthest thing from a vanilla couple, but right now W/we are not a true 24/7 couple either. W/we are both ok with how O/our lives are right now and have discussed and agreed that the D/s aspect of the relationship is not that important to U/us. i am sure i will get alot of grief for this post and i may even be called a fake or a player, but its how i feel, how W.we feel, and if its ok with U/us than thats the only ones it matters to.

Hersalone2003 -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 10:53:09 AM)
Just hang in there. Make the decision you need to make. Even take a break from these sites at first, possibly keeping contact with the people you have grown close to. I know how frustrating it is when you are ready to completely open up to someone and they disappear, or they suddenly are married, or whatever the case may be... That is if you actually get to talk to someone that isn't wanting to get on the webcam in the first 30 seconds. There are real people out there like us and if you walk away and, at heart, are a true slave, the need to come back and search for the One for you will overpower all of the annoying crap we face here everyday. I have to add that talking openly about this is making me realize that I can't stay away from this. Maybe discussing this openly with someone who can understand this side of you will help. We can all talk (or ramble in my case hehe) about our own personal situations, but we are all different.

MistressMelissa -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 8:22:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee The hardest part for me is that I want it in my DAILY life. It seems there are lots and lots of folks who play at it... and just in the bedroom. Fine for them; but I want a D/s (or M/s) RELATIONSHIP. I think for many, that's just too big a bite. <sigh> There are just as many that say they want this, but the reality of what that means is often eye opening and for a few far too real. I liken this to wishing on a star, but failing to prepare should the thing you desire come knocking. I've encountered this myself more than once. porcelaine I would suggest you step back and look long and hard inside yourself and determine what it is you are actually looking for. Until you know what you seek it is impossible to find it. I have taken many a "slave" into my home over the last year or so for them to inform me that the reality of what they asked for and what they had fantasied slavery would be like was two different things. Due to the ease of the internet it is very easy to read something and say...Yep...that's what I'm looking for and they never stop to look at the reality of what they are asking for. Living life as a slave and role playing a slave are two different things. Same thing for dominants. The idea of having someone at your beck and call sounds cool. The realities of being an owner and actually accepting the respondsibility for someone elses life is a whole other subject. I would also toss into the equation that if you are a slave looking for an owner, the most important part to you should be the feeling of being owned. If so, does it gender really matter? Being of service is just that regaurdless of gender. Until you know what you seek you will never find it.

babysburnin -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 9:28:25 PM)
I must admit I only read your original post and none of the responses. My current relationship is my first in the "lifestyle", and I will go even further to say that "we" are not in the lifestyle, but rather enjoy many of the characteristics/activities of it. (He has more experience than I.) We would like to attend "social functions" within the community, but have been busy establishing our personal relationship first. I think that those who "want to get out" were looking for something they didn't find - meaning - looking for a connection that was not found. Why do people think finding someone is easier because of a kink? ( I know I'll get a bad time for that.) It narrows the field, but the field is still the field - hit or miss, mostly miss.

Miseri -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 9:50:06 PM)
Porcelaine, I have been through a time where my life was in a dismal state. I did not feel like serving anymore, so I didn't. I let it all fall away. Now that I have fixed the rest of my life, I found something was still missing. It was my relationship with my Master, to whom I am married. I talked with him and he missed it, too. I discovered that I NEED to submit. It is vital to my happiness. I feel whole again. I realise this is only my personal journey and you have your own to make. Good luck to you.

cloudboy -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 11:07:43 PM)
Back when I used to be a DOM, I was paddling and Irish girl who was quite a screamer. I lived in an apartment at the time. One of the adjacent neighbors called the police. The police pounded on my door and arrested me on assault, battery, malicious mischief, and depraved conduct charges. Riding to the police station in the paddy wagon, I began to wonder if my dark urges were really worth following through upon. (And if you believe any of that..... you are more than gullible.)

MasterNdorei -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/24/2006 11:32:26 PM)
i think everyone goes through a phase where the heartbreak, irritation, fear, or frustration gets to be so much they want to step back. i also think trying to return to the vanilla world can be a pivotal moment. Those who can walk away should take the break. Those who can not, learn something significant about themselves... Good luck in your journey.

subinsouth -> RE: Throwing In the Towel (8/25/2006 6:08:59 AM)
many times i feel like 'throwing in the towel', but only in the search for a true Dom for myself. the only thing i know is my submissiveness and i can't change that. i don't know if that is what keeps me focused, i only know it is who i am.

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