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Conflict - 8/24/2006 6:33:49 AM

MissDux

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Joined: 8/3/2006
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I have a problem. I have needs to be protected and hugged. To be gently approched. But I also enjoy giving pain to mail sluts, raping them, bosing them arround and humiliating them. How do I combine these two in to one slave? Is it possible without losing my superior position as a Mistress and is this a normal feeling that other Mistresses have to? I feel these two feelings are in conflict with eachother.
With kind regards
Miss Dux

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RE: Conflict - 8/24/2006 6:45:04 AM

strob

Posts: 100
Joined: 9/6/2005
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As I see it, if Your sub is s real one, if he worships You as a sub should and if You have cleared any/all possible misunderstandings about who is who in your relationship then, he should be able to give and take whatever You, as a Domme desire...whether it's just inflicting pain and humiliating him or requesting tenderness.

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RE: Conflict - 8/24/2006 6:46:12 AM

mistressivy2

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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I used to be a pro-domme as well as keeping a live-in slave. The live-in fulfilled my emotional needs - he was well trained and utterly devoted to Me and so never required punishment. My physical need to dominate, cause pain and humiliate was met by My clients in the dungeon. Maybe you could try something similar - though obviously it is difficult to find those who truly understand submission and the difference between the emotional and physical aspects which cannot necessarily be met by the same person.

Hope this helps,
Mistress Ivy

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RE: Conflict - 8/24/2006 7:18:58 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
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I see no conflict between having a sadistic side and having normal human emotional needs. Sounds to me like you need a slave who is mostly a bottom with some switchish tendancies, like, umm, me.

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RE: Conflict - 8/24/2006 8:37:35 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDux

I have a problem. I have needs to be protected and hugged. To be gently approched. But I also enjoy giving pain to mail sluts, raping them, bosing them arround and humiliating them. How do I combine these two in to one slave? Is it possible without losing my superior position as a Mistress and is this a normal feeling that other Mistresses have to? I feel these two feelings are in conflict with eachother.
With kind regards
Miss Dux

This is fairly close to how I own and use Fox.

The trick that I have to offer to protect and hug him too, show him my gentle side as well as expect it from him.

The reality is that if this feels like a conflict to you, you must first deal with that a bit before being with someone else. Have a strong sense of what you need and want so you can verbalize it well. Try to figure out how to combine before you try it with someone.

But be honest with your partner (in consensual slavery slaves are our partners first and foremost in my opinion) that you are trying things out. This includes not just talking but also how you dress and talk -- if the cold hearted bitch is a role you like but you also need cuddling, add a "good boy" or two into your abuse, remind him that even when you are being sadistic you care with a good word and a nice caress.

Sorry I can't offer more. I just find that over time, when I am more myself and less what others think, I turned out this way and by being myself with partners I found a good one who values me for being human, not just being his owner.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Conflict - 8/24/2006 8:48:27 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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My favorite boys are like 'Champions'. They may be masochists, as well...but regardless, they enjoy submitting because it pleases their Mistress. They will jump when she says frog, do about anything to make her life easier and stand with her as protector and confidant. My favorite kind of Mistress also hugs and protects her boys right back. I just don't see the conflict, I guess. LOL

bearlee

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RE: Conflict - 8/24/2006 12:08:01 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDux

I have a problem. I have needs to be protected and hugged. To be gently approched. But I also enjoy giving pain to mail sluts, raping them, bosing them arround and humiliating them. How do I combine these two in to one slave? Is it possible without losing my superior position as a Mistress and is this a normal feeling that other Mistresses have to? I feel these two feelings are in conflict with eachother.
With kind regards
Miss Dux

I am absolutely soft, loving, and caring with My girl. I am also very sadistic giving her lots and lots of pain. The two things often come within seconds of each other, and sometimes far apart. They are not necessarily coming from conflicting emotions. I am never anything other than Mistress regardless of what act I am performing or committing. Cuddling or wanting to be cuddled doesn't make Me any less of a Domme.

Without being condescending, it's typical of someone new to the lifestyle, or uncomfortable with their chosen role to question their standing. You do not ever have to be a bitch or hard hearted to be dominant. In fact, I find it difficult to reconcile those two personality traits with any dominant. It may be the widely assumed fantasy but it's not reality.

Take a look at these boards, look at male and female dominants alike. Find the ones that have owned their s's for any longer than a few months or been in the lifestyle for more than a few years. You will find loving, caring, and kind people. Take a look at KnightofMists, Arpig, RavenMuse, Aakasha, MistressofGA, Mistress Hathor, Mercnbeth, and the list goes on and on....

Better yet, find a mentor in your area. Pick someone well balanced and intelligent to talk to and learn from. There is more, far more, to being a dominant than cruelty and rough sex.

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: Conflict - 8/24/2006 6:53:12 PM

MissKarenJ

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/23/2006
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I totally agree with what has been said. Being Domme and sensitive are not conflicts. For me a large part of what I enjoy is fulfilling the needs of my sub which is to have pain inflicted. At the same time I often cry on his shoulder or hug him when he cries on mine. Both the need for pain/domination and the need for comfort are real. This may be easier for me because I am not in a 24/7 situation.

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RE: Conflict - 8/25/2006 8:24:26 AM

slave2woman

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Joined: 11/25/2004
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sweet Miss Dux,
where is the conflict ??? there are 2 kinds of Mistresses, some Mistresses don't care about their slaves, They treat slaves like shit, a tool for Their benefit, nothing wrong about that; and there is the other Mistress, a Woman with feelings and longings to be loved and desired, a Woman who needs to be Dominant in the relationship, even sometimes sadistic, who thinks of the slave as a human being, even respects Her property, even takes good care of it, like a car or a house, some people value Their property and care for it, maintain it, even work on it, others don't value anything; i guess it's a matter of respect, mutual respect...
as a slave i think Mistress MissKarenJ, Mistress thetammyjo and Mistress bearlee are right ;as what Mistess YourMissTress says, is the most value truth, a slave is in the first place a partner as well...
x
peter

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RE: Conflict - 8/25/2006 8:45:52 AM

stockingluvr54

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personally..I need the soft touch more than the harder touch and would think most people....sub or dom...male or female would need both also....??? jmho......

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RE: Conflict - 8/25/2006 12:33:06 PM

MissDux

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Joined: 8/3/2006
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I would like to thank everybody for their good advice. I've met already several slaves and it came to my attention that most slave indeed needed a cold hartless Mistress. But know that I read al of Y/your reactions I'm pleased to see that not al slaves wish a cold and harteless bitch but that their are still slaves that need to be loved aswell and that pleases me a lot.

Thank Y/you everybody very much
With kind regards
Miss Dux

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RE: Conflict - 8/25/2006 3:24:34 PM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
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quote:

I've met already several slaves and it came to my attention that most slave indeed needed a cold hartless Mistress. But know that I read al of Y/your reactions I'm pleased to see that not al slaves wish a cold and harteless bitch but that their are still slaves that need to be loved aswell and that pleases me a lot.

I've come across some subs who say they want cold and heartless but have found that most of the ones I've talked to that say they want this are looking for a fantasy, they want to do this part time like role play, meet for a week-end or night of play but live an ordinary life otherwise.

Each to their own on what they want, I know they are not for me as I enjoy affectionate times.

Oumae

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Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

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