Topping from the bottom?

Topping from the bottom? (Full Version)

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TemptingNviceSub -> Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 8:52:34 PM)
Topping from the bottom!...Ach this term gives me such a headache!...so many ideas and definitions on what is considered topping...My question is..when a Dominant accuses a submissive of topping, is it really?..or is it simply a way for a Dominant to pull the plug on a possibly uncomfortable discussion on a relationship issue?....This question came to mind from another thread that is running and I did not wish to hijack it.....Tempting

angelic -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 8:55:46 PM)
in my opinion... and my experience... the term 'topping from the bottom' is used when the Master/Mistress/Dom/me has no control over what is His/Hers... they then throw this accusatory term at them. (ducks)... [;)]

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:08:28 PM)
I would have to agree to a point that it is something thats flung around when someone is not in control of theirs. I think though that more often than not it ends up being used poorly, because in a lot of the situations its being used as an excuse for the situations where someone ends up with a not so submissive person.... ie the one who says they are sub and yet has to have everything their way or as its so frequently coined " do me" subs....

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:19:08 PM)
If they're claiming to be submissive and not being submissive then they are topping from the bottom. Otherwise they would be acting accordingly with the dynamic.

amayos -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:24:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 If they're claiming to be submissive and not being submissive then they are topping from the bottom. Otherwise they would be acting accordingly with the dynamic. Agreed.

marieToo -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:26:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub Topping from the bottom!...Ach this term gives me such a headache!...so many ideas and definitions on what is considered topping...My question is..when a Dominant accuses a submissive of topping, is it really?..or is it simply a way for a Dominant to pull the plug on a possibly uncomfortable discussion on a relationship issue?....This question came to mind from another thread that is running and I did not wish to hijack it.....Tempting Personally I dont care for this term because of the semantics involved in the words. I am a person who enjoys being submissive to a male counterpart in my personal male/female relationship. I do not ever consider myself being at the bottom of anything. Which is why the term turns me off. However in the context that I have seen most bdsmers use this overplayed term, it refers to a situation when the submissive/slave is controlling or attempting to control their dominant/master, or attempting to control a particular situation in their Ds relationship. This to me, sort of goes back to the whole chicken or egg question in the sense that it reminds me of the age old question of who is really in control. In my mind, the dominant is in control, but only because the submissive wants the dominant to control him/her. So therefore, both parties are in control of their choice to take on their respective 'roles'; one as the dominant, one as the submissive/slave; both in control of thier particular position in the relationship; both aware of it and both adhering to it. For me, when I hear this term "topping from the bottom" it usually reminds me of a Dom/Master who simply isn't smart enough to reign in a submissive who may be momentarily slipping out of her submissive mindset. An insecure Master who isn't smart enough to reel her back into her place, will often accuse her of "topping from the bottom". A smart dom will simply put him/her back into their place, because its where they both want the submissive to be. If someone actually can "top from the bottom", and get away with it, then clearly the "top" isnt much of a "top". Or maybe he/she likes being topped by their submissive, as we all make choices in life. We can either change it, tolerate it, or walk away from it. . But yeah, mostly Ive seen this term used when a dominant simply doesnt have what it takes to really dominate.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:30:27 PM)
Ive never had the problem of a boy topping from the bottom. Though, I dont think it would be an accusation I would toss out even if I did. I culd see it being corrected and punished, but not accused. maybe thats just me DV

mistoferin -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:31:36 PM)
I believe that it is dependent upon the parameters of the individual relationship. What may be seen as topping from the bottom by one Dominant, may be permitted and even welcomed or encouraged by another. For example, in another thread on the board I related ways in which I expressed my sexuality in my past relationship. One of the responses was that another sub's Dominant saw those types of behaviors as topping from the bottom. However, in my relationship it was agreed upon that I was free to express my sexual interests and needs as they arose.

Slipstreme -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:31:50 PM)
Marie, in my case, I can't stand the term submissive, because it implys that I am not the one in control of the dynamic. Having the term bottom lets me express myself as a masochist without giving up my dominance. But, different strokes for different folks. Milage may vary. Do I dislike topping from the bottom? Yes. Do I do it? I try not to, letting my Top dictate what happens and when as a bottom. Unless they try to control me, then the scene ends. I don't take kindly to being controlled. I'm in it for my pain, not their pleasure. That my Tops do enjoy the scene is just icing on the cake.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:33:16 PM)
FR: If the dom simply spits it out and then tries to barrel ahead, usually it's because they are trying to shame you into doing what they want and making an excuse for what's going on. If the dom actually discusses what happens and makes sure you understand their perspective and you feel positive about the ultimate outcome (assuming YOU are open to working it through and coming to understanding their perspective) then likely you were attempting to manipulate things without the ok.

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:37:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 If they're claiming to be submissive and not being submissive then they are topping from the bottom. Otherwise they would be acting accordingly with the dynamic. Sorry D Babes, we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one because if someone has to "play" at being submissive they aren't submissive at all, thus its a game for them. That doesnt constitute topping from the bottom at all because they arent actually a bottom, they arent actually submissive, so you cant say they are doing something that would be a foreign concept to them as they arent an actual part of the D/s dynamic in the first place....

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:48:13 PM)
LOL, you're cute when you talk technicalities.

marieToo -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:48:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Slipstreme Marie, in my case, I can't stand the term submissive, because it implys that I am not the one in control of the dynamic. Having the term bottom lets me express myself as a masochist without giving up my dominance. But, different strokes for different folks. Milage may vary. Do I dislike topping from the bottom? Yes. Do I do it? I try not to, letting my Top dictate what happens and when as a bottom. Unless they try to control me, then the scene ends. I don't take kindly to being controlled. I'm in it for my pain, not their pleasure. That my Tops do enjoy the scene is just icing on the cake. Slipstreme: Yeah, I hear ya on the terminology thing. For some reason in my head the word bottom just reminds me of something negative. But I can see how others would see it otherwise and enjoy identifying as a bottom for their own personal reasons. I completely understand what youre saying...You identify as a masochist who is in control of bottoming to your top. I think. It just goes to show that there are so many different mindsets dynamics in all of this 'stuff'. I hope my post wasnt offensive. I do that sometimes inadvertently. :)

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:51:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 LOL, you're cute when you talk technicalities. Oh dammit and here I was hoping you were gonna argue with me...I was just waiting to say something along the lines of hush D or we're gonna have to settle this one on the wrestling mat lol heh [:D]

mistoferin -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:52:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul we're gonna have to settle this one on the wrestling mat lol heh [:D] Where can I get tickets to THAT event?????

marieToo -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:52:39 PM)
Just in general, I wanted to add a point that I think is valid. There are times when a submissive isnt intentionally trying to control at all. There are times when a submissive is disobedient or tries to change masters mind because of fear, or other inhibitions. This doesnt mean she is trying to steal his control away from him. Sometimes it means that she needs his help to get back to the place where she needs to be. Sometimes communication is needed, or comfort, or whatever. But submissives are human and not perfect, and just because they are trying to divert from something that master wants, doesnt neccesarily mean theyre doing it with the intent to control.

Slipstreme -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:57:29 PM)
no, marie, no offense taken. Actually that is what it is. I see myself in control over the fact I am bottoming. I have an out. I don't control the scene per se, unless the Top is blatantly off on aim. Then they get critiqued.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:57:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul Oh dammit and here I was hoping you were gonna argue with me...I was just waiting to say something along the lines of hush D or we're gonna have to settle this one on the wrestling mat lol heh [:D] <stretches and cracks neck> Anytime, sweetheart. I've got a mat with your name and face imprint waiting for you, babe. [;)]

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 9:59:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Where can I get tickets to THAT event????? Send your check or money order for 49.95 + tax to............

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Topping from the bottom? (8/24/2006 10:00:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul we're gonna have to settle this one on the wrestling mat lol heh [:D] Where can I get tickets to THAT event????? Tickets hell, you get to be the ref! lol lol lol ( but you have to whack him ann time we get close to you... I'll give ya a good paddle and a couple floggers lmao )

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