RE: Overthinking?

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SweetSarijane -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 6:56:43 AM)
I've dealt with men like this. It's so not worth it to continue. You're better than that. Find the one who sees and appreciates you for you. He's out there. Don't settle.

littleone35 -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 7:01:10 AM)
To repeat what others said he is not only a jerk he is very rude you can do much better. If you do meet him you should tell him this in no uncertain terms to his face..You could tell him i (to you) may be old and unattractive but i can for sure do much better than you. Matt's littleone

windchymes -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 7:12:09 AM)
Write back and tell him that you've had a change of heart and that he is much less intelligent and suave than the Dom's you're used to playing with. Then don't look back!

FirmhandKY -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 7:13:30 AM)
I have to agree with losttreasure. This is a classic case of that "little voice" speaking to you. Listen to it. I looked at your profile, and your picture. I think you are just lovely, and you speak from your heart. This sentence from your profile struck me as important: I need to know I am necessary. He is telling you already, in his opinion that you aren't necessary to him. Listen to what you already know. I'd cut and paste Susan's suggested email, and send it to him. It's jerks like him that give men (not just doms) a bad name. FHky

juliaoceania -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 7:17:57 AM)
I would take that as someone trying to make me feel insecure and tear down my self esteem. I wouldn't go out with him. Life is too short, but that is just me

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 7:30:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: How would you process His comments? Cancel the meeting. You don't need to give him an excuse. Or you could tell him he sounds like a pompous ass. Dang this was a completely different topic than I expected. I was already mentally pulling my files on subs being perfectionists, subs needing to be people pleasers even to the point of exhausting themselves...oh well I'm sure that thread will come up soon. :) Ditto to Julia here. You don't want to be with someone who perceives this about you. You KNOW you'll be settling for something if you decide to date him. Thank him for his honesty and move on.

bluelace001 -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 7:48:42 AM)
As a submissive, ask yourself a question. Are you worth more then he is already offering you? Then ask, what type of relationship are you wanting. You don't have to settle for someone that doesn't think about how it makes you feel to be told your old , not pretty, and not skilled. But in the end it is your choice. I would suggest think before you act. If he wants to start anything with you on a negative note such as a put down, how do you think the rest of a relationship might be? just some thoughts for you. bluelace_V (property of Viper_001)

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 9:04:19 AM)
This guy is a manipulator. He gets his power by making you feel as if you have none. You're too old, fat, stupid, smelly, so on and so forth. This is the type of guy that you will never please, the minute you feel good about something, he'll come along and degrade it. Making you feel less about the accomplishment you worked hard on. If this is your gig then take it. By all means. But if you feel one inkling of doubt about this situation then don't. This can cause serious psychological damage to someone that wouldn't be able to handle it.

darkinshadows -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 9:54:41 AM)
I am going to disagree with a few of the posters who think his heads too big. I am attracted to a man with an ego. Just because hes stating possible fact, just means he is confident in his abilities. I do not see that as a problem. As for the comments hes made about you, tactless to say the least. I doubt humiliation's a good theme to start off with when you havent even met someone and just for those comments alone, I would write back and say, "well, it is obvious we are not compatable and I am not what you are looking for and visa versa... hope you find what you are looking for" I personally wouldnt meet and move forward, simply on the personal comments alone. Peace and Rapture

Homestead -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 9:55:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Just want some opinions.... i was contacted by a potential Dom and we've progressed to chatting on the phone and plan to meet in person, possibly tomorrow. The problem? During our discussions, this Dom has given me His bona-fides adding comments about being somewhat "in demand" at various events. But what is bothering me is that He told me that, "you're older than i normally play with and you certainly wouldn't win any beauty contests and you don't even have the skill level i'm looking for but i was intrigued by insights." i don't know how to process that information. Part of me thinks, gee, i'm old, unattractive and inept?? i should be grateful? i should be happy He sees beyond the surface? What exactly should i think? OR am i just over-thinking? It would be nice to be meeting someone who thinks i'm physically acceptable. Right now i'm just agreeing to meet just to meet without any expectations whatsoever but part of me wants to cancel the meeting. How would you process His comments? Sometimes tact superceeds honesty. Maybe you need to figure if his priorities match yours?

Aileen68 -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 10:27:51 AM)
Obviously it bothers you enough to start this thread. Trust your instincts. They are raising red flags. The right one won't make you question right or wrong.

julietsierra -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 1:39:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened i don't know how to process that information. Part of me thinks, gee, i'm old, unattractive and inept?? i should be grateful? i should be happy He sees beyond the surface? What exactly should i think? OR am i just over-thinking? It would be nice to be meeting someone who thinks i'm physically acceptable. Right now i'm just agreeing to meet just to meet without any expectations whatsoever but part of me wants to cancel the meeting. How would you process His comments? I can only answer your questions with a few of my own. Why is it that people keep on approaching this life as if somehow dominants and submissives are somehow exempt from treating others with respect? Why do so many submissives really wonder if someone's shabby treatment right out of the gate is something they should expect? Why would this even be a question? Why would it even cross your mind to contemplate that underneath it all, he just might be a good guy? D/s is NOT the catch-all corner for those who would treat the people they care about with such disregard. Even the most sadistic of people that I know still treat the people they are with with dignity. Even those most enjoying of humiliation still have to know beyond all that, that the person who is humiliating them actually likes them for the people they are. If someone can't figure out how to be polite during a time when supposedly, everyone involved is putting their best foot forward, just what in the world is he going to act like on down the road, when familiarity begins to set in and everyone starts being the person they really are? If you wish to have someone respect you, then you have to first respect yourself so that you can make the best decision as to what is good for you - regardless whether you call yourself a dominant or submissive. To me, this isn't overthinking. With absolutely no insult intended, this is no thinking whatsoever. It MAY be rationalization. It MAY be misplaced hopefulness. It MAY be loneliness and desire and lots of other things, but it is NOT overthinking. Without even knowing you, you're worth MUCH more than that. We all are. juliet

kitty2MLoneWolf -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 1:53:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO My advice: Say the following, in a soft, low voice at this meeting. Or e-mail this, or similar sentiments to him: "I used to be nice to people like you, and in retrospect, I think it was mostly because I thought that since they obviously weren't going to have much due shame about their doubtful approach to me, that someone should be embarrassed enough for them to hedge their impoliteness and idiocy in a warm blanket of what is known as "giving someone who-doesn't-deserve-it, the benefit-of-the-doubt". I used to think that 'someone' should be me. Having thought this response of mine over, I've since decided that men like you really don't deserve more of my time"... "Somewhere along the line, I do believe you should have grown up, and learned manners. Because you've had decades of your life now, to enable you to accomplish that. I am sorry that appears not to have happened. I can't bring myself to believe you're going to be good for me, based on the comments you made about my age and my experience level couched in your insinuation that you meeting me at all was you "giving me a break". Allow me to be clear: I am looking for someone with whom I can feel secure. To do that, I believe someone has to know how to make me feel good, or at least be able to make a guess about how that might work. I don't think you are capable of doing this, based on your initial approach to me. I do wish you luck in your search. Because I am a generous person. And I do think you're going to need some luck." - Susan Susan... I dont know who pissed in your cornflakes this morning but girlfriend THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif]

SleeplessGypsy -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 2:24:33 PM)
TwiceHappy wrote-- tell him you were trained by the Most Miraculous Master of the Fancy Flogger Order of Domly Doms and he is way under qualified to handle you but if he can earn his Masters degree from the 12th Order of the 12th House on 12th Streeet you may consider him at a later date. OMG! I'm laughing so hard right now... The 12th order of the 12th House on 12th St...[sm=biggrin.gif] That was Brilliant! Anyway, to answer the OP's post... This guy is not worthy of your time darlin.. Listen to your heart, what is it telling you? really, do you want to serve somone who won't miss an opportunity to insult you? And the fact that he tells you about all his ladies in waiting? Yea, i'm sure he's a real studd... A real Man doesn't treat a woman like this.. Red flags are goin off all over the place here... He's prolly got a small wee-wee anyway....

eyesopened -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 2:25:22 PM)
i want to thank you all very much for your advice and comments. i HAD told the guy i didn't think it necessary to make such an effort to meet (we live 4 hours apart) if his dance card was already filled with younger, prettier, more skillful ladies. There was the evil part of me who wanted to make him drive 2 hours and buy me dinner but i'm basically a kind person and i've let him know i am not interested. Thank you again everyone and especially thanks for some of the great laughs! Humor is always appreciated!

Powerman40 -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 2:52:35 PM)
Every submissive deserves respect as a person especially in the beginning of training. I see no respect in the way he has treated you even before you have begun. I would move on... .and by the way, you are quite attractive. His loss.. [:)]

wouldlike2 -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 3:31:50 PM)
awhile ago a couple told me - every prospective Master should be able to bring the smile in my face i do have when i am together with my kid as they saw a pic of mine and my kid and the happy smile including... it doesn't matter if in "vanilla, lifestyle, etc" a relation should make You happy and bring a smile on Your face - at least to all are involved in... if that is missing and doubts, concerns are felt - definitly there is something wrong... i am not willing to take that road - just my two cents hug pet

LeatherLord2003 -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 4:19:20 PM)
PUT DOWN THE DORK, I MEAN DOM AND RUN.............................. I fully agree with susan, that would be way nicer than I would say it... what a jackass.

SexyRed -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 4:45:52 PM)
Tell him to kiss your ass in Macy's window.

porcelaine -> RE: Overthinking? (8/25/2006 5:01:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened i don't know how to process that information. Part of me thinks, gee, i'm old, unattractive and inept?? i should be grateful? i should be happy He sees beyond the surface? What exactly should i think? OR am i just over-thinking? It would be nice to be meeting someone who thinks i'm physically acceptable. Right now i'm just agreeing to meet just to meet without any expectations whatsoever but part of me wants to cancel the meeting. How would you process His comments? I'm confused as to what needs to be processed. He is clearly rude, insecure, and unappreciative of your worth as a woman and beauty as a submissive. Why would you consider sharing time or breaking bread with someone that would demean you in this way? Regardless of how flowery the words or sweet the unkind insults. We all aspire to be more in another's eyes. From where I sit it appears you've come up short in that department. Pack up your pride and self worth and share them with someone that will celebrate and expand these things, rather than tear them down hapharzardly. I wish you luck. porcelaine

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