Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:16:44 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I can't stand watching messy/messy food play.  Completely my own issues there.

If the energy of the people involved was very negative, or badly overwhelming, I'd have to leave- whether it was just a spanking or a total blood orgy.

Otherwise...I'm pretty much good. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:17:48 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

When does a fetish go too far?  When does another's right to express their sexuality/fetish stop and your right to consent begin?
 
I'm not talking about out in the general public, I'm talking about behind the closed doors of a private (not in a private home), members and their guests only, dungeon. 
 
Is there a fetish (let's assume and not list the generally accepted taboo 3 or 4) that you just couldn't ever witness?  Is there a fetish that would make your blood boil if you were faced with it?


I would imagine that the second question might be the more difficult one to answer, given the ideas of "your kink is O.K., my kink is O.K." and "it may not be for me but do want you want as long as the two (or more) of you are in agreement about it" so often espoused here on these boards.
As for the first question;  I personally have a challenging time with bloodletting.  It is not the sight of the blood itself - I got used to blood coming out of a human a long time ago.  I guess it is more the idea of someone deliberately opening their body up to let blood flow and their enjoyment of the act required to achieve the blood letting and then, their added enjoyment at the sight and feeling of the blood flow ( I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of how and why that is appealing sexually -or for that matter, in any way).  I know I would also have a hard time with watching scat play.  Again, not due to a revulsion at what in itself is an act that all of us perform regularly (at least, hopefully we do) but rather employing it in a sexual fashion.  I see nothing sexually appealing about it at all...the act, the involvement of another with the act, the smell, the sounds, nothing.  I also admit...with both of these acts...to having hygienic concerns for the people involved.

As for the second question, I have never encountered any such act yet.  I could see where watching ongoing degradation might trigger that response in me and that is why I would walk away.  I don't like degradation...I see it as abuse.  Here is where the quandary noted in my first paragraph comes in:  those beliefs are often espoused by many involved in BDSM and D/s.  They are often printed on these boards to teach someone how not to judge others D/s relationships or methods of being dominant/submissive.  If they are really an indicator of how people feel about forms of play and forms of interaction in BDSM/D/s, then shouldn't a person try to learn to walk away from something they have no interest in as a scene without letting it make their blood boil?  Given how many times we are told by others on here that we should not judge, then wouldn't anger over someone else's scene be just that...judgment?

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:18:16 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		windchymes, thank you very much for your response.  I can relate to the needle reaction.  There are plenty of people that walk away from My needle scenes.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:20:39 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viper001

Other than that, we have the right to turn away from a scene that "squicks" us and return to play after that particular scene concludes.

Just an opinion.

Respectfully,
RFJM


Thank you for the response.  Are there any fetishes that "squick" you to the point of needing to walk away? 
 


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to Viper001)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:22:49 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		In every case, my position is that anything which touches a known hard limit of a partner is one that goes too far to play out.

It need not actually cross that limit.

If a fetish hits the hard limit level of a dom or sub partner while being played out, even if all had originally agreed to do it, that action needs to halt.

All of us have hard limits of some sort. Most of those who deny this figure that nobody would tell them to do the extreme things which would be limits for them. There are plenty of folks who would take this as a challenge and ask you to put those body parts in the cage with the hungry rats.

One person's extreme ultimate hard limit may easily by mild foreplay for someone else. We are all very different.

Probably due to things which happened when I was very young, I consider anything which really involves a minor or any lack of consent to be totally unacceptable. Role play games are fine, but the real stuff is not.

I do find that few of the dom or sub women in or near my age group consent to enjoy the period play I have always enjoyed.

vield

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:24:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Tress. Interesting questions and I will be watching the answers. I cannot answer honestly as I have never really had the opportunity to test myself. I have only ever been to one public dungeon in LA quite a few years ago and it was a quick in and out per request of my companion. I have yet to know of anyone within reasonable driving range of where I live that would have such a thing. In the future I will travel more and hopefully have the opportunity to find the answers to these questions.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:28:44 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I can't stand watching messy/messy food play.  Completely my own issues there.

If the energy of the people involved was very negative, or badly overwhelming, I'd have to leave- whether it was just a spanking or a total blood orgy.

Otherwise...I'm pretty much good. 


Thanks LA.  Negative energy in a scene regardless of the nature of the scene is very difficult to ignore.  Can you walk away from a food play scene and not be further bothered by it?  Or is it something that takes a little time to put behind you? 

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:32:36 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
mist, thank you for your response.  What are the times that you can't walk away without it affecting you?


I just knew you were gonna do this....you sadist!!! Well I should first say that I realize that what I am about to say is about me and not about the rightness or wrongness of it. I have a very difficult time watching scenes that involve male submissives. Usually I can get through them but there have been times that I have just walked away and had the images haunt me for some time after. It seems to happen especially when the male involved is the type of man that I would normally view as very masculine and not so much if the male is more effeminate. I know it's irrational really..but in my world men are the "rocks" and it just turns my world upside down to see a man that I would normally view as such reduced to tears and begging. I find that I just can't watch it and sometimes I even get perturbed with the Domme for taking him there. As I said....I know it's irrational and it's definitely an issue that is a personal one for me....so please don't take offense at it.

One other example that I can think of off the top of my head that bothered me for a long time...and still does...was a time at a party when a Dominant put his sub in bondage attached to a fucking machine. Then he disappeared. About a half an hour later his sub was screaming....and not in a good way. I went in search of said Dominant to find him out in the backyard with a group of other Doms....bragging up his "skills", drinking beer and smoking. I politely told him that his sub was in distress and that he was needed in the dungeon. He basically blew me off....at which point I said something to him again...but started off with "Hey look asshole"....which didn't go over very well. He went down and took her down and then again walked away and went back out to his beer and buddies and left the aftercare of his sub to a bunch of strangers. It still pisses me off when I think about it.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:36:52 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
Here is where the quandary noted in my first paragraph comes in:  those beliefs are often espoused by many involved in BDSM and D/s.  They are often printed on these boards to teach someone how not to judge others D/s relationships or methods of being dominant/submissive.  If they are really an indicator of how people feel about forms of play and forms of interaction in BDSM/D/s, then shouldn't a person try to learn to walk away from something they have no interest in as a scene without letting it make their blood boil?  Given how many times we are told by others on here that we should not judge, then wouldn't anger over someone else's scene be just that...judgment?


Thank you CD.  You mentioned 2 very specific and commonly shunned activities that you would not care to watch and would walk away from.  Would you be able to walk away from them and not be left with a mental mark?  Or would you require time to process and deal with them?
 
You raise an excellent point that I will address and come back to you and all with another question or two.  I do believe that whatever 2 consenting adults negotiate as a scene, or a life, is between them and they have the right to do it.  But do we also have the right not to have to see or witness it?  Would it be reasonable to announce that a possibly controversial scene is about to take place and allow those who do not wish to witness it, time to leave the area? 

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 8/25/2006 7:37:28 AM >

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:39:00 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress



One other example that I can think of off the top of my head that bothered me for a long time...and still does...was a time at a party when a Dominant put his sub in bondage attached to a fucking machine. Then he disappeared. About a half an hour later his sub was screaming....and not in a good way. I went in search of said Dominant to find him out in the backyard with a group of other Doms....bragging up his "skills", drinking beer and smoking. I politely told him that his sub was in distress and that he was needed in the dungeon. He basically blew me off....at which point I said something to him again...but started off with "Hey look asshole"....which didn't go over very well. He went down and took her down and then again walked away and went back out to his beer and buddies and left the aftercare of his sub to a bunch of strangers. It still pisses me off when I think about it.



Now THAT would make my blood boil!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:39:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Thanks LA.  Negative energy in a scene regardless of the nature of the scene is very difficult to ignore.  Can you walk away from a food play scene and not be further bothered by it?  Or is it something that takes a little time to put behind you? 

As long as I don't THINK about it, it's not a problem.  It happens in movies too- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was difficult to get through for me. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:39:49 AM   
Viper001


Posts: 55
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: SF, California
Status: offline
quote:

Thank you for the response. Are there any fetishes that "squick" you to the point of needing to walk away?


None to date. I've observed/reported/modified (as a DM) unsafe play many times but can't recall anything that could be called a squick.
Although I hesitate to say "never", because we just never know what the future holds. Homicide would certainly qualify, but what's the chance of that? (although i've entertained that thought in regards to clueless wonders playing nonconsensual grabass with owned subs)

Respectfully,
RFJM

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:40:56 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		vield, thank you for your response.  My question was not meant for within a scene that you and your partner are participating but in regards to what you may encounter when in a place where others would be playing.  What is it that someone else might be doing that you can't watch?

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:42:18 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

You raise an excellent point that I will address and come back to you and all with another question or two.  I do believe that whatever 2 consenting adults negotiate as a scene, or a life, is between them and they have the right to do it.  But do we also have the right not to have to see or witness it?  Would it be reasonable to announce that a possibly controversial scene is about to take place and allow those who do not wish to witness it, time to leave the area? 


IMO, not only absolutely reasonable, but desirable.  I would have a lot of respect for the DM who did this for being considerate of people's feelings and beliefs and giving us the heads up so that we could make the decision of whether or not we wanted to stay to witness it.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:42:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
Would it be reasonable to announce that a possibly controversial scene is about to take place and allow those who do not wish to witness it, time to leave the area? 

Only if being done as a demonstration.  While the DMs should probably be informed, trying to make an announcement in a dungeon that's spread out over 6 large rooms, with over a hundred play and sex sessions already in play would just be completely unreasonable to expect, and likely very annoying to the people in their scenes.

Anyway, "possibly controversial" is far too vague.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:45:56 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I just knew you were gonna do this....you sadist!!!


Yes, that would be Me.  First, thank you for your very honest response.  Second,  I certainly don't take any offense to your personal feelings.  I can empathize with your sentiments as I have a similar reaction watching scenes involving the dehumanization and sexual degradation of women.    Also, I think most of us agree that it's frustrating and quite difficult to see someone completely mistreat their s to the point of abuse and neglect.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 7:47:57 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Hello Tress. Interesting questions and I will be watching the answers. I cannot answer honestly as I have never really had the opportunity to test myself. I have only ever been to one public dungeon in LA quite a few years ago and it was a quick in and out per request of my companion. I have yet to know of anyone within reasonable driving range of where I live that would have such a thing. In the future I will travel more and hopefully have the opportunity to find the answers to these questions.


Thank You, LaT.  When you decide to travel this way to TN, apb and I will be happy to "expose" you to some opportunities.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 8:22:17 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't classify my experience as something that haunted me, but I had a difficult time watching a male slave "switch" into very dominant mode with a female slave right after I had watched him being caned.  It just didn't "fit" in my mind.  I knew the female slave had been a victim of spousal abuse before entering the lifestyle, and I was uncomfortable with the way he was treating her. He was not her dominant in the house, but her "brother slave" under their Mistress.  Other than that, I have difficulty watching a scene if I am not sure that the sub is OK with it. 

I don't think I would want to be present at a scat scene or when blood play was going on.  Just not my thing.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 8:24:42 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Tress,
The one scene that I would get up and walk out of is a "rape" fetish. Although consentual, some of the people I have seen do this type of scene, do it so realistically that it just makes me sick to my stomach. But..I love DOING them lol I suppose if I were in control of the scene it would make a huge difference, but to hear a little submissive screaming and getting into the whole fantasy of it, it is just a bit too real for me.

_____________________________





(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? - 8/25/2006 8:27:50 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

Other than that, I have difficulty watching a scene if I am not sure that the sub is OK with it. 

I don't think I would want to be present at a scat scene or when blood play was going on.  Just not my thing.

Be well,
Julie


Thank you, LadyJulieAnn, for your response.  There are certainly a number of others who would be out in the social room with you during those scenes.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Where lies the line of TOO FAR? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109