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new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:29:17 AM   
apoeticsong


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		After months of wonderful phone chats, I was convinced I found the man of my dreams and moved in with Him.
Now a 2 months down the road, I am slowly loosing respect for Him. Why?
Well i thought he cared about me, but since I have been here sex has reached a low ebb, and only spanking clubs or community things peek his interest. last few times (a month ago) when we played left me days to heal a shoulder or wrist which He sort of blows off as "oh well"  seeing it isn't good pain I find I am not all that eager to engage either.
Communication is strain as well.
Nothing I do is right and get yelled at all the time and even His son that lives with us hides in his bed room all night from Him.
I don't like conflict, or was I brought up being yelled at all the time or set up to fail to have him laugh at me or turn things around.
So now I hide from him as well and only give him 3 word anwers.
Have I tryed to talk to Him? you bet!
example of things that bug me, not wanting a picture of U/us, and only takes pictures of me when I have been hit by a tide wave or in some other less then attractive scene.
Not being allowed to move anything in the house. after 2 months I am still living out of boxes. Maybe part of his OCD who knows.
Or the fact he cares so very little about my own needs or happiness.
I so miss the wonderful man who would talk to me for hours and show compassion, who I was falling in love with and I don't
know where to start to turn this around.
any pointers?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:33:21 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well pointers???? I would say for one you should read what you just wrote. I think you have a pretty good understanding of the situation. I guess the next step would be to take responsibility for your part in staying or leaving it and do what needs to be done.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:35:02 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Discuss it with him is the only thing I can suggest.  You are unhappy and unfulfilled... and you need to be true to yourself my love, otherwise you will end up just loathing every aspect of your submission to him.
 
It sounds as though you didn't really discuss much before you initially moved in.  Not having personal effects with you and unpacked would be a huge deal to me, and I would have sorted that out immediately.  Communication seems poor now, and if you did not discuss in depth such matters before you moved in together, you will find communicating now even harder.
 
Talking over the phone for alot of people, is completely different to being face to face and dealing with the realities of life.
 
If you can't talk about this and communicate, I would suggest you make your way elsewhere, and just learn from what has happened.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:39:14 AM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		your stuff is still in boxes.  take them and get out as fast as you can.
call someone you know and beg to stay there for a month or two if necessary.

if it's this bad in two months, it is going to get a whole lot worse.

a little human is involved and hiding for fear every day.  this is not a "what do i do to fix it?" situation.

(edited because the typo goblins are after me today)

< Message edited by pissdoll -- 8/25/2006 9:40:19 AM >

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:42:02 AM   
apoeticsong


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		thanks mistoferin i was hoping to regain what I had.
I am prepared to move if I can't resolve this.
kindly song

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:43:23 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Don't look on what you had poetic, look at what you can have and achieve.  Looking back is good to remember and learn, but is negative if your simply wishing on the whatifs and whatwehads.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:44:41 AM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		I agree with the posters,  you have invested a small amount of time, you have found out who the real he is, and it is someone that does not melt with who you are.

I do not see anything else you can do to help the situation.

Move on with your life. 

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to pissdoll)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:45:57 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

i was hoping to regain what I had.


I did that once, what a mistake.
Anyway, I would suggest you move on and be glad it's only 2 months of your time wasted.  And perhaps next time, don't be in such a rush for a 24/7.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:46:50 AM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		No one can tell you what you already know.

edited to add in agreement with the above posts.

< Message edited by MissTlTTYMilk -- 8/25/2006 9:47:42 AM >

_____________________________

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
--Bertrand Russell

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 9:54:02 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		2 months is such a short time in the whole scheme of things. If in this time you still havent unpacked, are having a hard time of things, and he isnt trying to help you in any way.... I'd definately say that its time to cut your losses and move on. You'll only cause yourself a lot of anguish hoping for the " might have beens" or chasing the dreams you made.
 
Unfortunately there is no "fix" when someone else isnt just as willing to put time and effort into a relationship, it only ends up spiraling downward into a self beat up party where you end up resenting and feeling disappointed on a much deeper level than where you are now.
 
You've tried something new, it didnt work out but dont set yourself up to be stuck in the situation because of hopes....

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to MissTlTTYMilk)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 10:17:43 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I so miss the wonderful man who would talk to me for hours and show compassion, who I was falling in love with and I don't know where to start to turn this around.

I think he was on his best behavior in order to seduce you and now you are seeing the real him. In my opinion, there is no way to turn this around because you got fooled into thinking he is something he is not.

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 10:28:52 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: apoeticsong

After months of wonderful phone chats, I was convinced I found the man of my dreams and moved in with Him.
Now a 2 months down the road, I am slowly loosing respect for Him. Why?
Well i thought he cared about me, but since I have been here sex has reached a low ebb, and only spanking clubs or community things peek his interest. last few times (a month ago) when we played left me days to heal a shoulder or wrist which He sort of blows off as "oh well"  seeing it isn't good pain I find I am not all that eager to engage either.
Communication is strain as well.
Nothing I do is right and get yelled at all the time and even His son that lives with us hides in his bed room all night from Him.
I don't like conflict, or was I brought up being yelled at all the time or set up to fail to have him laugh at me or turn things around.
So now I hide from him as well and only give him 3 word anwers.
Have I tryed to talk to Him? you bet!
example of things that bug me, not wanting a picture of U/us, and only takes pictures of me when I have been hit by a tide wave or in some other less then attractive scene.
Not being allowed to move anything in the house. after 2 months I am still living out of boxes. Maybe part of his OCD who knows.
Or the fact he cares so very little about my own needs or happiness.
I so miss the wonderful man who would talk to me for hours and show compassion, who I was falling in love with and I don't
know where to start to turn this around.
any pointers?

 
Some people wait to show their true colors until after the intial hunt has ended and the prize has been captured.  Seems this may have happened to you.  i always recommend the 180 day probation period.  Perhaps it was way too soon for you to move right in with him without knowing him a bit more thoroughly through time and experience.  You mention OCD, hmmm...OCD is also associated with other so called disorders.  If i were you, i would put some distance between myself and him for a while and take a step back and gain a clearer perspective.  You know that saying, haste makes waste.  There is no rush to move in with someone, if indeed you  truly meet the person who feels the same as you do.  Best of luck.

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 10:43:06 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I agree with Piss Doll, start moving those boxes.
Sorry for your misfortune.

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 10:49:13 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		If you have tried to talk to him and he won't, why do you assume you can do anything that will affect him short of leaving?

You need to leave in my opinion. Its sadly easy for some folks to pretend to be one thing to get a relationship but once it in, their true selves come out. You now see his true self, you are turned off by it, take care of yourself and leave.

Ask yourself this: If it has only been two months and things are this bad, how much worse is it going to be in six months or a year or years from now?

Nothing will get better until he also wants things to get better but if he won't even let you move your stuff in or really talk about things, it is clear, as you said, that he does not care.

Why would you want to be with someone like that?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 10:54:52 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Find a local shelter to live in for a while, and move on from there.

I'm sure you can do better.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 11:07:34 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Some people are eloquent writers and live in a fantasy world.  You fell in love with words, not a real person.  You're now living with the real person.  I'm sorry this happened to you, but now is the time to chalk one up to lessons learned, start making plans to move out and on. 

He is what you are living with, not what you read on the screen.  If he was happy you were there, he'd be making room for you to move in, talking to you, doing things with you, and would be concerned if you were not happy.  He is none of the above.  Time to go!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 11:09:13 AM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		Leave. He obviously doesn't care about you.

As far as the shoulder and wrist thing, part of scening is accepting that accidents happen, but he should also take the responsibility to help with the healing process, and figure out what went wrong and if there is anything he can do to correct it next time.

He doesn't seem like a caring man at all, someone who wanted a new toy, and now that the shinyness of having something new has died down he doesn't care. You are a robot to him.

If he tries anything to stop you, ignore him. There are better men out there worth your time.

quote:

   If in this time you still havent unpacked, are having a hard time of things


He won't let her unpack. That is why there are still boxes.

< Message edited by Slipstreme -- 8/25/2006 11:10:28 AM >

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 11:22:20 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I too found two months after I moved in with the Dom who was pretending to be what I needed he no longer was that person. I stayed for a full year behind my needs not being met in hopes things would go back to the way they were prior.
I finally had to accept he'd distorted my perception of him, he was not the man who I can submit to, and I had to ask for my release and move out. I left him almost a month ago now.

My advice to you is the same I'm trying to follow myself don't stay in such an unhealthy relationship. You owe yourself more than that. Then once you're free remember the lesson on moving slower next time. If you moved in his home in less than two months of meeting him you really didnt't have the opportunity to know him very well at all before you changed your whole living situation and trapped yourself there in that unhappy home.

I say even a homeless shelter's better than an emotionally abusive situation.
I also say in situations like that they usually get progressively worse & rarely get better.

Good luck, I feel for you,
Suzanne

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 11:36:46 AM   
mystiquenz


Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings song,

I am very sorry that you find yourself in an unhappy place.  I would have thought that your Dominant would of ensured that his submissive was feeling secure, and settled and safe.  Still being in boxes, that is not really reassuring is it.  Does he not know how much more settled you would be, when you had some of your treasures around you, and feeling as if he was welcoming you into His place.  Or, has he been a batchelor for too long, having a string of submissives who visit, and was he not really looking for that "commited" relationship?  I think there are several mindsets in this lifestyle, some, want that commited relationship, others just want toys, and others, will use, and then move on.  It is natural for people to be commitment phoebic, or have a fear of allowing another to get close.  Unforunately, that is not helpful to you. 

I don't know if you need to pack up and move out, but I do think you need to find a platform for open discussion.  I think I would ask the question, do you want me to move out?  Then if he answers in the affirmative, then do so, and see whether you can discover why the relationship is failing.  You cannot do that on your own, but if there is to be closure, you need answers. 

I feel that you will be just fine, but hope there is someone in your local community that will take a watchful eye over your situation, should you move on, so that your not feeling so isolated. 

I wish you well.


_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to apoeticsong)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: new to 24/7 What the heck happen? - 8/25/2006 11:38:25 AM   
apoeticsong


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		well well, what a wake up call, hard to figure how all my cute wore off in less then a month, but with so many saying the same thing, I think I am best off planning my excape.
Thus dettaching from him emotionally and getting a job and saving up to move on.
It is a big world out there, and I do deserve to be happy.
You know, being alone wasn't so bad after all.
I guess I just nervous that no one would ever want me now that I am older and didn't care to spend my life alone, but not at the price of my sanity.
Many thanks to all that posted, if you hear the same thing from this many people then one has to listen.
be well, song

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 20
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