sleazybutterfly
Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
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Sorry it has taken me a bit to get back.. I wanted to be able to take time to sit down..read..and respond. I find that Sundays are good for that.
thetammyjo: Thank you. Yes, I do guess it is pretty normal to feel this way. That is one of the reasons I had changed my profile so much. I felt like maybe if I weren't looking, and just enjoying myself, I could just take things as they happened. It's just adjusting and figuring out what I want now.
darkinshadows: Thank you. I think I understand what you mean. I am trying to stay focused on improving myself and hoping that the rest will just flow in with it.
Voltare: Thank you. I think you are right. I think I will start to focus more on the person than what they are in "title". I did that with my last Sir..and though that didn't go well, I do think I got more out of the relationship. I think a man can be the best Dom on the world, but if we don't have common ground otherwise..there is no way it will work. I am doing that with the one I am talking to now. I am getting to know HIM, not the Dom. It's going very well, and I wasn't even looking.
Onestandingstill: Thank you. I see your point. I know that I did let my past Doms sort of put the "serving fire" I had out. I guess that is a big part of why I feel the way I do. I am trying very hard to let that go with the one I am talking to now. I don't want those hurts to mess up what could be really wonderful. I am finding myself more ampt to enjoy and want to please him. I hope that those feelings will continue to grow, and the joy of belonging to someone and pleasing them will come back ten-fold.
BlueHnS: Yes, thank you, it did help. I won't force it, and I will try to let it just come naturally. If it doesn't, then I will assume that they are not the right Dom for me. I know the thought of being dominant over someone does have a turn-on for me, but in reality I am not sure it would do the same. I think it's great you gave him the time to figure that out. I think it's true, that my heart will lead me down the right path, I just have to give it the chance to.
agirl: Thank you. I guess I should clarify the "not talking to men" statement. What I meant was, he is okay with me talking, but I had better not flirt. I know he has been burned a few times this way, so he is a bit jumpy of it now. I told him I do flirt, I can't help it and most of the time, I don't even know I am doing it. So, we sort of agreed, that it might be best if I don't talk to them at all, rather than taking a chance on messing up in that fashion. I probably was/am missing have that person that makes me feel that way. I won't ever say that isn't true. I told myself though, that no matter what, I would not rush, and I would not settle for anyone different that what I wanted. I am finding that, that is working pretty well this time. Sometimes, I have trouble getting my hear to slow down, my brain has to kick in and stop me from letting things get carried away. So far, that seems to be working.
cloudboy: Thank you. No, it's not a bad thing at all. There are still so many new and exciting things to discover. I am looking forward to that part, whether I have a Dom, or a sub, or just play partners. I feel this is a very exciting time in my life, and hopefully the next year (31) will prove to be a lot better.
WhiteRadiance: Thank you. I think that is part of it. I do most of the time, feel very submissive. There are the other times, where if he would to tell me what to do, I would probably throw a hissy or worse. I wonder now, if after reading what you wrote, I can somehow channel my Dom times into work, or something like that. I think might be a good solution for me. Normally I am not that way in job surroundings, that might actually work to my benefit. He and I did talk about this a bit this morning. He said, if I come home and you have had a bad day or something and just need to be treated with love, cuddling, and all of that, I will do it. He does look at me as a woman first, and that has always been very important to me. That was probably one of the best things he could tell me right now. I have usually had people treat me as a sub/slave first and maybe a woman at some point. I think I would like the other side of that much better.
WhipTheHip: Thank you. Yes, I do agree. I think that I do get tired of it all of the time. I find that maybe I am more of a sexual sub/slave, not a miro managed one or something like that. I know that being loved is most important to me, but I also know that I need the other part in my life as well. I have had those that loved me, but I couldn't quite let this part of me rest, so it didn't work out. I think to find the whole package would be a wonderful thing. I am just hoping that it is possible.
KatyLied: Thank you. I don't think I want her back to be honest. I am not the same woman I was then at all. I think that the bad things have made me grow a lot, so if I do end up belonging to One, I will be much better and more tuned to exactly what that means. I know I have matured and grown in not only this part of my life, but many others. I can see doors starting to open a bit, I may have to kick them down to get anywhere, but I am not above doing that. I know that the "new me" is going to do things smarter, and be a much better and happier person for it.
bandit25: Thank you. I am learning to like her, that has been a process. At first, I was a bit pissed at her for not being what everyone thought she should be, now I am just more proud she is standing up and being herself without shame. I am leanring that if people really love you, that part won't matter..but if they don't..they are not going to be a loss in life anyway.
mistoferin: Thank you. I do agree not being with someone has given me time to think of things a lot. That is why I won't be rushed into anything. I think the part that frustrates me, is I usually do my most growing, from learning from mistakes. I feel that isn't how it should be, but it usually works out that way. I have been in two serious relationships this year, and though they were painful, I did learn tons from them. Now, I am spending more time with friends, going out, growing, and learning. This is a good time in my life, and once I can get back into school, I see tons of change. It's small steps at a time, but I will get there.
Tamerof wild1s: Thank you. Thanks for listening and talking to me.. I won't write more here, because I wrote you on the other side. I thank you again though.
Paradoxic: Thank you. Yes, this has been the way things work with me. When I started wanting to sleep with men, it was a time of huge change in my life, then I started having these other feelings with them. It was very hard for me to think that was where I was headed, I was in a happy relationship.. I didn't see any reason why I needed that to change at all. Now I have concluded that when things are in a complete turnaround in my life, often my sexual needs also change. I can go from only needing relationships, to casual sex, to women, to men, etc. It's an evolving part of my life, and it does get a bit confusing. Once I can get that stage figured out though, oftentimes, other things fall into place.
LotusSong: Thank you. Very much so, I am never what I think myself to be. It usually takes stepping back from it, to figure it totally out. I have tried to see it from an outside view, or I have friends that point out things to me. A lot of times, they notice the changes a long time before I do. The hard part about figuring the bdsm part out, is that it's not easy to talk to others about, so it more has to be sorted out on it's own. That is why I read a lot here, I find that many go thru the same things and others give great advice, it helps me a lot.
Homestead: Thank you. I am not even sure what to say. I do agree with you so much, and I couldn't have said it any better. I never could exactly put it into words, but when you did, a lot of it clicked. What did turn me on, or gave me a thrill, just isn't enough anymore. I need and want something so much more, my heart and mind just ache for it. I think I have become very jaded, and I am trying to pull out of that. When I get lots of emails, they just don't hold any appeal to me, and the im's are very short. If they don't grab me, or appeal to me very quickly, I become bored and move on. I can't let myself give up on that though, I just know that I won't ever let anyone tell me again, what they think I need. I think I know that much more than anyone else, and when I find it.. it will feel..RIGHT.
amayos: Thank you. I don't think I have set my standards too high, at least that has not been my intention. I know what I seek, and it's true, it will be hard to find. I am hoping my luck is turning around in that area though. I know the part of myself that is there, and I can't let that part settle for less than what she deserves. I have done that before, not thinking I could get anything better. I won't make that mistake again. I am learning that I am a pretty wonderful person. I am kind, loving, intelligent, caring, loyal, adorable, erotic, and damn fun to be with..not to mention quite hot and so much more. If that means what I expect it too much, then I guess I am better off alone. I don't think that will be the case though, I hope that someone is finding all of this out about me, and will love me for it. If they don't, I am learning to love myself, and that is all that matters.
popeye2520:No, it's not communication. It is me changing though. One thing about me, I don't shy away from telling others exactly what I am thinking. That is sometimes not good..but it works out in the end.
Bearlee: Thank you. I will look for the books you suggested. I know.. it's a wonderful place to be sometimes. I get overwhelmed when I post, you all give so much thought into what you say, I have to just try and absorb it all.
Thank you all for posting, I really appreciate it. I will try and keep in mind what you all said. For your time and effort, I am very grateful.
~Andrea
< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 8/27/2006 11:31:05 AM >
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~Flutterby
~Curvylicious Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.
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