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one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 8:07:12 AM

Custosmorum

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Joined: 8/16/2006
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So I received some wonderful advice a week or two ago “my lover is a sub” And my lover and I have been exploring the lifestyle for about a week now. We have had an amazing time, wonderfully powerful experiences. This has been a tremendous release for him, he’s never been in a relationship where he could admit his desires and as so his appetite is voracious right now( even called in sick to work) . . I do really enjoy the dominance side but….. and you knew there would be a but… I find myself fantasizing constantly about switching roles., there (and please don’t get angry with me for this it is simply my feeling not a statement true for everyone) is something emasculating about him being the sub. I guess it bucks traditional roles so much… And I can’t help but wishing that he would just come over and exert some power of his own. Just put me over his knee, pull down my panties and give me one good spanking and I would be happy to continue on… I feel like I shouldn’t say anything yet, we’re just now beginning to explore his fantasy, and I don’t want to wreak things for him, but I am wondering if someone truly is submissive could they enjoy switching roles at all? And what about other activities? Should I expect no “vanilla” and other flavors? We had a very varied intimate life before and I know it is only a week, but now I’m concerned will this be it for him? Is BDSM “it” for you or do you have room for other things?

< Message edited by Custosmorum -- 8/26/2006 8:08:46 AM >

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 8:24:28 AM

AnAtlantaDom

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/13/2006
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One thing about this "Lifestyle" is that what ever works for two consenting adults is OK. I'd suggest you take a little time and give him the time to get over his initial "rush". Since you have taken on the Dominant role at this time it will be up to you to provide the guidance for him. At some point it's not impossible you may wish to "command" him to bend you over a foot stool, the bed, or other convenient furnishing , rip off your panties (assuming you are wearing any ) and to give you a spanking. I'd actually suggest you do this to better understand his emotional state when being spanked. My biggest suggestion is don't allow "convention" to stand in the way of anything you two might wish to try. AD

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 8:27:34 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
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Very sound and well expressed answer. Don't let your preconceived notions of what a dom or a sub "should" be ruin what seems to be working for the two of you.

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 8:44:53 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I suppose this could get bashed from one end of the universe to the other, but in my estimation there are very few people who are 100% 'this' or 100% 'that'. Just as he has enjoyed himself, and you yourself in your way, it is quite possible that he would be willing and able to treat you the same way you have him.

There are many people on here who relate as switches, and others who relate as something else that enjoy switching roles from time to time as well.

And, although you are new, understand that there is also some differentiation in painplay vs. relationship roles. So, there can be (and are) tops and bottoms, just as there are doms and subs. And there can be a mixture of these. A person who is dominant in their relationship who like to 'bottom' to another.

This world is now each of yours' oyster. Enjoy, and take it a step at a time.

And, if it isn't apparent, communicate. He shared with you to get you to where you are. Why can't you do the same. It isn't necessarily bursting his bubble.

As to vanilla, you're speaking to an interesting set of people, in that we lived that world for a long time, then saw (or found or desperately searched for) something else. When I first started, I likened it to rides at an amusement park. You're used to riding the bumper cars and antique cars, now you've discovered the roller coaster. You can visit the other rides from time to time if you wish, but isn't this a little more exciting? Hint: yes, you 'can' have this part of your life all the time if you wish.

Hope this helps,
Jeff

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 9:28:53 AM

Bearlee

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From: South Central CO
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Well said!!!

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 9:54:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Be yourself. Go where the energy takes you. It would be a shame to ruin the good start you have now by shutting off good communication. This is ALL new to you, so explore and have fun. Stop putting things into boxes.

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 10:19:38 AM

Tamerofwild1s

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I stated this in another thread as well . just because your role is Dominant or Top has no bearing on wether you get spanked or not .... if you feel the need to be spanked by your submissive then order it to happen . this lifestyle was called alternative for a reason . there is always an alternate perception and as long as you and he like it its right ... but thats just my opinion

< Message edited by Tamerofwild1s -- 8/26/2006 10:20:34 AM >

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 10:22:23 AM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Be yourself. Go where the energy takes you. It would be a shame to ruin the good start you have now by shutting off good communication. This is ALL new to you, so explore and have fun.

Stop putting things into boxes.

Hear! Hear! Well said.

>> Stop putting things into boxes.

But you know...
.... you might put him in a box when he's a bad boy.
He'll be ever-so-ready for his spanking when you let him out.

DD

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 11:01:35 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
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As a switch myself and a complete -lover- of a good spanking, I completely agree in pretty much all senses with what has already been said. As I introduced my own boyfriend into bdsm, he related much better with being as submissive. But as things went on, many aspects of what is *insertblanketstatementhere* generally what is involved with many male submissive relationships, he wasn't too keen on it. He even read up at my suggestion as to what a Femdom relationship usually entailed. It didn't scare him off of being a submissive, just made him realize the level to which he was a submissive better. I had a feeling from the start as to what he most likely wouldn't be into, and having him read that, just confirmed it for me. Since then, we have played at many softer versions of some PEand he is starting to take matters into his own hands, per se. He is realizing more of his dominant side and I think that the things that he liked when he was more relating as a sub come out just as much when he orders me to do those things rather than when he begged. Finding that balance is going to take a while for the two of you.

So definitely be patient. The bf and I have been at this just about a year now and we'rebasically just having fun exploring each other in as many ways as we can and really figuring out what it is that we like and don't like before trying to put any more permanent labels on who we are to each other. Right now....we're both switches.

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Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

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RE: one good spank ... - 8/26/2006 4:13:51 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Custosmorum

So I received some wonderful advice a week or two ago “my lover is a sub” And my lover and I have been exploring the lifestyle for about a week now. We have had an amazing time, wonderfully powerful experiences. This has been a tremendous release for him, he’s never been in a relationship where he could admit his desires and as so his appetite is voracious right now( even called in sick to work) . . I do really enjoy the dominance side but….. and you knew there would be a but… I find myself fantasizing constantly about switching roles., there (and please don’t get angry with me for this it is simply my feeling not a statement true for everyone) is something emasculating about him being the sub. I guess it bucks traditional roles so much… And I can’t help but wishing that he would just come over and exert some power of his own. Just put me over his knee, pull down my panties and give me one good spanking and I would be happy to continue on… I feel like I shouldn’t say anything yet, we’re just now beginning to explore his fantasy, and I don’t want to wreak things for him, but I am wondering if someone truly is submissive could they enjoy switching roles at all? And what about other activities? Should I expect no “vanilla” and other flavors? We had a very varied intimate life before and I know it is only a week, but now I’m concerned will this be it for him? Is BDSM “it” for you or do you have room for other things?

Slave cannot switch roles.. He just has no heart for it. I asked for a spanking once.. and never had I recieved a more gentle, limp-writsted, apologetic spanking in my life! And I also found.. that I really didn't like it anyhow! One of those the "fantasy is better than the reality" things.

I suggest you talk to him now.. if it's on your mind..you had better speak it.

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