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How do you turn a master down or leave your current dom... - 8/26/2006 5:42:28 PM   
Beachaven


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		I have recently been talking to a dom who I wanted to be trained by.... but an old mistress has come back into my life.. and I have a weak spot for her... I dont know how to handle this... any sugestions?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 5:46:25 PM   
DivaDuchess


Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		First of all if I were that Mistress, I would consider it very disrespectful and dishonest (yourself to you and you to the Dom).  Definitely NOT a worthy slave.  I take it you do not want either the Dom or the Domme to know what you intend?  Honesty inside yourself should have been your first question.  That question only you can answer.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 5:46:26 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Say "Bye"? 'course, you'll be seen as an ass by the guy you're talking to doing so.

< Message edited by Moleculor -- 8/26/2006 5:47:49 PM >

_____________________________

</sarcasm>

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 5:48:34 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Honesty, open forthright communication with BOTH parties.  This is no different to any other aspect in life.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 5:55:09 PM   
cariad


Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline 		To the OP: i was once in your shoes and i regret going about my decision the way i did, but i was honest with both parties at all times.

i told my previous Master that i wanted to be released and His words were "I don't think I can do that. I don't have time for you let alone much of anything else."

when He said the last one, i took it to mean i was released and started looking for a new Master, however i had what i wanted in front of me but it took a great deal to admit that i wanted the One who was my "Protector" as my Master.

at all times be honest with yourself, this Dom and the Mistress whom you have strong feelings for.

do not lie, hide things or back peddle when asked questions.

and on that sweet yet sour note i will leave you to contemplate your dilema.

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 6:37:49 PM   
SoquilisGirl


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/26/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Beachaven,
I was in a very similar situation this past May. My advice is to figure out what is best for you - not either of them. Once you know what that is (or think you know), tell them both your decision and let the chips fall where they may. I know it is incredibly hard for you right now, but it is possible to do.

I was on the verge of breaking up with my long-time boyfriend (who I had lived with for almost 9 years). We had had a D/s relationship early on, but it faded into just a vanilla relationship over the years. I had been very unhappy for many years and was planning to sell my house and move out (thus forcing my boyfriend to move out).

I had found another Dom and had grown very close to him online. My boyfriend knew I was on the verge of leaving him, and when my Dom and I made plans to meet, I told my boyfriend about it. I felt I owed it to him to be open about my feelings and intentions. He resigned himself to losing me and sunk into depression.

My Dom gave me permission to play with my boyfriend in a D/s way if I wanted to and so as not to step on my Dom's toes, my boyfriend chose Daddy/daughter age play (which my Dom was not into). Well this immediately pushed all my buttons (and all my boyfriend's buttons too although I didn't realize it right away).

Suddenly I was torn. My Dom was married and lived very far away so any chance of a real life relationship with him (beyond online and sporadic RL meetings) was slim. After playing with my boyfriend again, I realized why I had fallen in love with him in the first place. Since he thought he had lost me, he was letting his true self show and I was once again seeing the man I'd fallen for so many years ago. It was a harrowing week while I tried to sort out my feelings. (I suspect this is where you are now.)

I told my boyfriend how I felt and he said he would not do anything more unless my Dom released me. So I contacted my Dom and we had a very difficult conversation. He did not enjoy releasing me, but he said that he loved me and wanted what was best for me. He said that he could not, in good conscience, ask me to give up the possibility of something real for a long distance relationship with him. He released me.

After that, my boyfriend and he began to talk and became friends online. Two weeks ago I made my planned trip to visit my (now ex) Dom. My boyfriend (who is now my Daddy) came with me. We had a wonderful time and my (ex) Dom was as sweet and wonderful in RL as I knew he would be.

So it can be done - although the doing of it is *not* easy. I wish you luck and I hope you find happiness no matter who you choose to be with.

Soquili's (very happy) little girl

<Edited to correct grammar.>



< Message edited by SoquilisGirl -- 8/26/2006 6:40:38 PM >

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 10:43:42 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Beachaven

I have recently been talking to a dom who I wanted to be trained by.... but an old mistress has come back into my life.. and I have a weak spot for her... I dont know how to handle this... any sugestions?


It is better to be honest regardless of the complications and consequences. There is nothing worse than being with someone in name only. If your heart and attention are elsewhere, follow them and allow this person to find the one he seeks. I wish you luck.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 11:33:48 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Beachaven

I have recently been talking to a dom who I wanted to be trained by.... but an old mistress has come back into my life.. and I have a weak spot for her... I dont know how to handle this... any sugestions?


This one doesn't seem too difficult.  Decide which one you wish to be with.  If you aren't collared to either, you should simply explain your situation to the one you won't be with and hopefully, they will be understanding.

If, on the other hand, you don't know which one you want to be with, explain your situation to both and either both will accept the situation, or one (or more) won't want to be involved.

If you are collared......well.....then the decision has already been made.


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/26/2006 11:36:49 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Follow your heart, and be honest with everyone involved--including yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Beachaven

I have recently been talking to a dom who I wanted to be trained by.... but an old mistress has come back into my life.. and I have a weak spot for her... I dont know how to handle this... any sugestions?

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 12:03:02 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Beachaven

I have recently been talking to a dom who I wanted to be trained by.... but an old mistress has come back into my life.. and I have a weak spot for her... I dont know how to handle this... any sugestions?


An ongoing current relationship placed in jeopardy by a former Mistress who "came back into your life"...

Does the former Mistress solicit former subs/slaves... or did "you come back into her life"?

It sounds like the Dom is the only one who knows what he wants... while being the only one who doesn't know what's going on.

I'd say it's high time for some honesty and laying your playing cards on the table with both sides.


(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 12:22:24 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i dont really understand training for training sake....because the dominant in any situation has their own service the requirements and execution of those expectations that they will prefer to teach you.
 
In my experience it can be exhausting to retrain some ones habits if they come from a different school of "training"
 
however i realize that some folks feel differently so i will add:
 
when speaking of non-sexual-service training, (which i am assuming we are here, because i cant imagine you are asking a room of total strangers which of these potential dominants to have sex with) then you need to ask yourself what you want to be trained in, what skills you wish to develop and why.
 
then  figure out which "trainer" can offer you the best education.  
 
although i will say beachaven, there is something sexual about your post, and to be honest i just dont get it, how can you not know who you want to sexually serve?
 

 
just as an aside, if you are talking about sexual service, and just being kinky, well you may not have to choose one or the other, perhaps all three of you could play together?
 
there are lots of options are available to you in this lifestyle. you are only limited by your imagination and your ability and skill set in communicating honestly and effectively.
 
 

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 8/27/2006 12:28:25 AM >

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 4:23:23 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		One of the best books i've ever read was "The Ethical Slut"  i don't remember the author.  i too was torn how to break off a relationship with a very nice Dom and one day while we were together i heard something on the tv that hit home: "it's not up to you to decide how much truth he can handle." 

So i told the truth,  all of it.  How i liked Him but didn't like Him enough to be collared or otherwise committed to Him. i offered to continue as play partner if He was agreeable but that i would not lead Him on to think i would belong to Him.  He chose not to continue and that was fine.



_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 4:39:04 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Quite frankly, from that post, I wouldn't say you are ready for either. You don't have any clear idea of what YOU want, maybe even of who YOU ARE!

Take some time to work that out and it should help you decide which of the two will give you what you need, or even if you need to search somewhere else entirely.

Be honest with them and, as has been mentioned above, be honest with YOURSELF!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 7:52:54 AM   
SoquilisGirl


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/26/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with eyesopened.

I am the kind of person who tries to protect other's feelings. If I think something I want to say will hurt someone, I try to find a way not to say it at all, or to at least soften it if I have to say it. This has lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding.

My Daddy has told me several times that I should "let Daddy worry about Daddy" and just tell him whatever I am thinking or feeling even if I think it might hurt him. I think that's very good advice.

As I said before, and as RavenMuse mentioned, you have to do what will be best for you in the long run. Don't worry about the other people involved - they are adults and they will deal with whatever happens, just like you will have to do. Decide what is right for you and pursue it.

Soquili's Girl

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

One of the best books i've ever read was "The Ethical Slut"  i don't remember the author.  i too was torn how to break off a relationship with a very nice Dom and one day while we were together i heard something on the tv that hit home: "it's not up to you to decide how much truth he can handle." 

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 8:04:46 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Fake your own death like every other cyber submissive (or cyber-dom) would do.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Beachaven)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 8:05:21 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		~fast reply~ to no one in particular... first off, i didn't glean from the OP that she wasn't being honest.  my first question is; however, why are you no longer with the Mistress?  What caused the break-up?  Did the situation change?  Or, is the Mistress playing a mind game?  Way too many questions unanswered to judge one way or another.  Make a list of pros and cons for each.  Let each know you are communicating with the other.  Best advice i can give is follow your instincts (not just what you WANT them to tell you) if that makes sense.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to SoquilisGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 8:08:40 AM   
Pimpernell


Posts: 198
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.  There was a reason or reasons for why she is not your current mistress.  If those reasons no longer apply, you then have to make a choice, but make sure you aren't just thinking of all the positives and not the negatives.  But on the other hand, don't let the thrill of the new cloud your judgement either.


(in reply to SoquilisGirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 8:21:49 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 8:23:49 AM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Fake your own death like every other cyber submissive (or cyber-dom) would do.


Ha!

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How do you turn a master down or leave your current... - 8/27/2006 8:23:56 AM   
justanotheclaire


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/15/2006
From: cambs, uk
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Fake your own death like every other cyber submissive (or cyber-dom) would do.

I like that make it dramatic though car crash, tidal wave, bank robbery something like that

< Message edited by justanotheclaire -- 8/27/2006 8:24:46 AM >

_____________________________

Bound by desire
Free through submission


(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 20
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