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acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 12:21:52 PM   
amuzingtoyou


Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		Ok my dominant and I had an interesting thing happen over the weekend. We were at a lifestyle seminar at one of the local clubs. It was an all day event. During the course of the day, my dominant asked me to place my feet on his lap and he began rub my feet. He often rubs my feet, shoulders, back as he gives wonderful massages. When i went to the bathroom another couple who we know  socially asked him if he was my submissive. He laughed and said no she is my submissive. They said that they thought maybe i was the top because he was rubbing my feet. Also it was a seminar about rope bondage and at one point he wanted me to try out a few of the examples on him (probably the only time ill ever be allowed to tie him up ha ha). He and i have a very loving relationship. Often we are touching each other in various ways, no matter where we are. But it did get me to start thinking about why it is so many people in the lifestyle feel it neccessary to label everyone. I'm sure to the average bystander, we do not look like the typical D/s couple. He and i wrestle alot, that is our dynamic. He encourages me to be strong and fight back. That is what he wants. That is the way he likes it. Its not unsual for him to spank me too hard and for me to call him an asshole. And then we usually break down in laughter. This works for us. But, at least in our community here, it seems that unless you fit a certain model of how a submissive is supposed to act, or how a Dominant is supposed to act...people will continue to judge. I would love to hear from anyone else who has had a similar thing happen to them....Cheers.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 12:45:44 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		My lawn mower can beat up your lawn mower... sounds like you tied up the wrong person. You did list quite a few reasons for "not keepin' up with the Jones'es"... bottom line is what works for you works for you.

On the other hand... if I went to a collar-required restaurant wearing a t-shirt because it worked for me I would likely experience difficulty, yes?

Could this be why birds of a feather flog together?


(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 12:47:39 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, it happens all the time, unfortunately, both labelling & categorizing, and being judgemental.  It's best just to continue on doing what makes the two of YOU happy.  If you like to be involved with real life bdsm groups, just keep visiting as many as you can until you find a group that is accepting of who you are and what you want to be.  The heck with the rest!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 12:49:28 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Some people have a greater need than others to label all sorts of things, to make sense of them.

It's a bit like deciding someone is outgoing and confident because you met them in a situation where they WERE outgoing and confident.....but it certainly may not be how they are * as a rule*......

I think it's quite natural to begin by thinking certain things but helpful to keep in mind that people just don't show every facet of themselves in all situations.

agirl

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 12:53:18 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		If My girl is too tense and *I* decide to massage her shoulders it is no business of anyone elses. she will get told to sit at My feet whilst I work at those knots of tension.

I don't give a flying fig what it 'looks like' or what anyone else thinks about it. They are not part of My dynamic.

Having said that, IF anyone has had a problem they have never mentioned it, nor have I ever been asked what side of the dynamic I am on... If I was then I'd probably ask them if they needed me to fetch their guide dog from where ever it had been left!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 12:54:41 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I'm a firm believer that caring for one another goes both ways in a bonded, soulful relationship. The fact that he likes to rub your feet shows that he is very liberated (in the D/S world), and it shows too that he really cares about you too. He's not all caught up in treating you as an object, and isn't using you as some kind or robotic servant. Plusses, IMO, on both counts.

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 1:43:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I would not worry about it and do what makes you happy. It doesn't matter what others think as long as the two of you are happy.

Just my opinion

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 1:51:54 PM   
cpl4playm8


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/27/2006
From: Texas/Virginia
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like you found quite a Master and there is always the possibility the whole "question" was started by a catty subbie who is a little jealous of the way you are being treated by your Master.    Or maybe it is just the age old stereotypical categorization ( is that a word? ) of Dom/sub... " You should be.. You shouldnt be.. "  Do what works for Y/you.. life is Wayyyy too short to worry how others look at You.. and **gasps** try to label Y/you...

_____________________________

Tarnhunter and alika
(Mike and tami)

It is appropriate that a female slave be sexual...Surrender to your deepest needs, and desires, to your most profound passions, to those truths concealed in the most secret recesses of your body.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 2:38:26 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You'll find that the people who scream the loudest that they are tolerant, are usually the most judgemental. The best revenge against that is to be happy in being who you are. And it sounds like you are doing exactly that.

< Message edited by Estring -- 8/27/2006 2:39:17 PM >

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 2:44:42 PM   
withthesewings


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		You guys sound like your being and doing what's working for YOU, as a couple. Nothing wrong with that at all. You sound perfectly happy! Screw what anyone else thinks! :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amuzingtoyou

Ok my dominant and I had an interesting thing happen over the weekend. We were at a lifestyle seminar at one of the local clubs. It was an all day event. During the course of the day, my dominant asked me to place my feet on his lap and he began rub my feet. He often rubs my feet, shoulders, back as he gives wonderful massages. When i went to the bathroom another couple who we know  socially asked him if he was my submissive. He laughed and said no she is my submissive. They said that they thought maybe i was the top because he was rubbing my feet. Also it was a seminar about rope bondage and at one point he wanted me to try out a few of the examples on him (probably the only time ill ever be allowed to tie him up ha ha). He and i have a very loving relationship. Often we are touching each other in various ways, no matter where we are. But it did get me to start thinking about why it is so many people in the lifestyle feel it neccessary to label everyone. I'm sure to the average bystander, we do not look like the typical D/s couple. He and i wrestle alot, that is our dynamic. He encourages me to be strong and fight back. That is what he wants. That is the way he likes it. Its not unsual for him to spank me too hard and for me to call him an asshole. And then we usually break down in laughter. This works for us. But, at least in our community here, it seems that unless you fit a certain model of how a submissive is supposed to act, or how a Dominant is supposed to act...people will continue to judge. I would love to hear from anyone else who has had a similar thing happen to them....Cheers.

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 3:31:16 PM   
DivaDuchess


Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		Keep going the way you are going ... to hell with those narrow minded enough not to see the pleasure He gets from you in simply being pleased in pleasing.  When I've had a rough session with a slave, I will often hold her, soothe her.  If she is unhappy and We/we are at a group or get together in the lifestyle, it will not matter to Me to help her find her feelings evened out again.  What works for you ... works, you don't fix what's not broken ... for anyone.




_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to withthesewings)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 3:38:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		FR:  The majority of the people in the scene put actions into boxes "X action is dom, so if you are doing X, you are a dom."  My older partner and I have also come to see how little physical touching is done beyond grabbing necks and shoving onto knees in public.  Simply holding hands or tender kisses and glances seem to be rare.

Congrats on just being yourselves and having fun.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DivaDuchess)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 3:42:53 PM   
SoquilisGirl


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/26/2006
Status: offline 		Hi amuzing,
As others have said, just ignore the catty comments and enjoy the fact that you have a loving Master and a relationship that works.

My Daddy also is constantly massaging me (back, neck, shoulders, feet, legs, whatever he thinks needs it). He also does all kinds of other things for me that might look submissive to an outside observer. He opens the car door for me and makes sure I'm settled. He brings me a blanket if I'm cold, or a cup of hot tea. He clears my dishes after supper, reminds me to take my vitamins, makes sure I get to bed on time.

I asked him once if any of these things felt submissive to him. I pointed out that others might see it that way. He just scoffed and said he does what he wants to because he wants to and if anyone had a problem with it they could come talk to him. So far no one has. ;)

He said he likes taking care of me and he only does what a good Daddy should do for his little one. It works for us, so neither of us worry about what others think. I don't think you should worry either.

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 3:47:36 PM   
SoquilisGirl


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/26/2006
Status: offline 		LA, your comment reminded me of something Daddy said last week (albiet in a different context) - "The act is not the person." Daddy is definately the Dom, but like I just posted he does all sorts of things for me that could be seen as submissive. But just because he does those supposedly sublike things does not mean he -is- a sub. Same with the OP's Master.

Soquili's Girl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

FR:  The majority of the people in the scene put actions into boxes "X action is dom, so if you are doing X, you are a dom." 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 5:04:15 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amuzingtoyou

But, at least in our community here, it seems that unless you fit a certain model of how a submissive is supposed to act, or how a Dominant is supposed to act...people will continue to judge. I would love to hear from anyone else who has had a similar thing happen to them....Cheers.


I would gather your actions were simply too normal or seemingly vanillaesque for them to grasp mentally. Which really means they are unable to relate in a manner that can be open and accepting that doesn't fall within the narrow parameters of their defined power exchange. I'm pleased to see that your needs were met and your owner was willing to do so regardless of the opinions or assumptions that others might have. You are most fortunate.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 5:10:24 PM   
amuzingtoyou


Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for all the wonderful posts. Soquilis, my Dominant is much the same. He opens my car door, the door to restaurants, he will get me a drink if i am thirsty. These are not things i have ever asked him to do. He does them for one because he still believes in the idea of being a gentleman, and two because he enjoys doing them. It actually took some time for me to get used to the idea of not opening his door, or carrying the toy bag. So yes i have a wonderfuly caring and loving Master. In fact we had this discussion this weekend and we have decided above all else we are partners. He is definately the one who steers the ship. I give my two cents all the time, but he is the captian. Thanks to all who have participated.
Cheers.

< Message edited by amuzingtoyou -- 8/27/2006 5:16:10 PM >

(in reply to SoquilisGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 7:02:17 PM   
OriginalWench


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		I have run into the type of people who seem to want to pigeonhole The Mate and I as well.  We've had a lot of time to figure out what we want, and many discussions on what other people have said.  Thing is, it really doesn't matter what others think.  They don't see the way I defer to him on decisions, and probably don't realize that he treats me as a treasured mate because that's what he wants me to be.  It happens that he owns me, but that doesn't suddenly take away my opinions and personality, and if it did, he'd be bored within minutes.

To the outside world it often looks like I'm on control here, and in some ways I can be and am.  For example, I get paid to be his care attendant, and I have no problem telling him to take his meds now, or not do something I KNOW isn't a good choice for him.  The fact that he listens to me at times like that does not make him any less my owner, nor me any less his property.  It just means that I have standing orders to do this, and not to do so would be breaking those orders.

We are both of an age where we just don't care what others think, and we do as we please, so long as we don't infringe on anybody else's rights.  If it makes him happy to do things for me, then who am I to tell him no?  I think amuzing used a really good analogy, our relationship is a ship, and he steers, while I give my input as needed. He decides which way to go, and that's the way we do.

It helps that we are deeply in love, and agree on many things, and have the same viewpoints on a lot of things.


_____________________________

"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states."
"I'm too young to have Alzheimer's. I have Halfzheimers."

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: acting submissive. - 8/27/2006 7:02:53 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I like to rub my sub's feet and also give her a full body massage.
I don't look at it as "being submissive" I look at it as taking care of what's mine!

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: acting submissive. - 8/28/2006 5:23:50 PM   
bigdaninwi


Posts: 35
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline 		My Amuzing -

A big and hug and kisses for starting this very thoughtful thread.
I am very proud of you for sharing this with the community as a whole.
This shows you are trying to make a difference in many peoples lives and
beginning to open up and share with people more of your journey.  This
brings me great joy.

Amuzing, you have already wrote an eloquate introduction to my response
in your summary post.  Over the past couple of months, I have tried to
get you to focus less on how other people view you or I or the both of
us.  I have used some pleasureable but crude techniques to reenforce the
basic premise that it is not about the people around us.  Our love is about
us.  It is between us and how.  As a women with her head firmly planted
on a swivel always willing to aid, help, or dive in the middle of some
social cause or concern.  My desire has been that you focus on us.

I have shared this with you before.  For the first time in my life, I am
so in love with a person that no-one else matters.  Over the weekend, naked
ladies with various potentially appealing features stood in front of me.  My
thoughts never wavered from you.  After our session, we watched others
play.  My thought were of you.  We spoke to various people and mingled
around the room.  My presence never left you.  I have women flash me, text
me, desire me in some form or fashion.  I have no interest in them,
my focus is on you.  In my life, with my background.  I can't say this has
ever happened.

So, now other people have shared their excellent views.  They all agree,
we are good together.  Let's focus on us.

Love,
BigDan

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: acting submissive. - 8/29/2006 4:16:53 PM   
OriginalWench


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I like to rub my sub's feet and also give her a full body massage.
I don't look at it as "being submissive" I look at it as taking care of what's mine!

That's what The Mate says.  He's not being submissive by doing something HE wants to do for his pleasure.  The fact that it brings me pleasure as well is great, but if it didn't, he'd still want to do it. 

I think part of it has to do with the fact that he is very quiet, calm, and doesn't display a lot of emotion.  People just assume that I'm the Domme.  Which I am/would be with anybody else.  He's special.


_____________________________

"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states."
"I'm too young to have Alzheimer's. I have Halfzheimers."

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 20
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