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julietsierra -> RE: released and lost (9/3/2006 5:19:27 AM)
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Ok... I had a trainer - contract, collar and all. He taught me a LOT of things. I was under his care for nearly a year. We completed the contract's terms and parted on good terms. I am still close friends with his slave - who some time later, moved on herself.
When we first began, I knew nothing - except for one thing. I knew I didn't want to be his girlfriend, or anything like that. I wanted someone I knew and felt comfortable with to show me what things felt like, to attend functions with, to rely on when I needed to. He was all of that. Both he and his slave were all of that to me. I loved them dearly. I still feel that way about her. It wasn't that lovey dovey kind of emotion. It was and is a love that survives because the people are damn good friends.
When our contract was over, nothing much changed. I still went places with them, still relied on him, still asked him what he thought when I was in a quandry. They slowly took me with them to less and less functions and I slowly made my way out into the larger public arena without them. During that process, I mulled over all he'd taught. I kept the things that made sense to me for me...and dropped the things that were intrinsically "him." I was looking for my own personalized view of bdsm, and specifically D/s.
I don't generally go along with the whole, "when you meet someone new, he'll train you to his ways" point of view. To me, being sure of my views are important when meeting new people. I don't want to be the leaf in the wind, blown this way and that, never knowing where I really stand. I preferred to be the willow tree, being able to bend to each I may come across in my life, but still having roots that ground me and give me a base from which to work.
So, when our training relationship ended, I took time to take stock of my life, my views and all that stuff. I believe the training I received back then made me a better person, regardless of the fact that it was one of those hated "training" relationships. I got to experience a number of ways of playing; I got to lose a number of fears of mine and face more than a few others down; I got to develop my confidence, make acquaintances who would eventually become my friends and realize my committment to this life I choose to lead.
My friendship with him didn't fare so well afterwards. Other things, got in the way and eventually, I just had to step back. But it doesn't negate the things he did do when I was with him.
Not a bad deal at all - for a training situation.
Oh, and hey! NICE job helping someone through a time in their life where they're questioning everything and feeling pretty confused! I'm sure the OP can take heart over all the well-wishers and helpful comments regarding the inanity of her choices. Bet it makes her feel SO much better.
subgurl, take your time. Like I said, it helped me immensely to continue the actions and activities I'd been engaging in while with him until I could comfortably stand back and assume the decision making once again. This will give you time to examine what was good and what was not so good in the things he taught. You'll eventually be able to personalize his training and take what you need and leave the rest. As you move on, you'll come to a greater understanding of the worth and quality of his training. Perhaps it'll be good. Perhaps not. Either way though, time helps, and the greatest thing you can do for yourself right now is allow yourself the time and patience to do the work you have to do.
juliet
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