RE: What the heck is going on?? (Full Version)

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Nikita -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/3/2005 2:10:53 PM)

Thankyou for all advice which i have believe it or not used already and the result was me being told i was not a submissive i was a pretender I am not silly enough to believe this as in my heart i know who the real pretender is,I also mentioned to this person that i posted a thread and he said 'why are you listening to those people they know nothing every Dom has different rules ' well whatever! but i am skilled in picking sense from nonsense and everything I have heard here rings true.

Thanks again guys I will keep trying

nikita



1CHRONDOM -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/3/2005 7:22:47 PM)


[also mentioned to this person that i posted a thread and he said 'why are you listening to those people they know nothing every Dom has different rules ' ]

Of course every Dom has different rules...Hell hair,eyes,lips, etc. I think you get some of the best information in these forums because EVERYONE is different. There are so many different views on everything, how could there be ONE set of rules? I believe you are on the right path. Follow your instincts. God gave them to you for a reason. I am not a seasoned Dom in the lifestyle but have the life experiance to know that if I don't know something...someone else does...I've also learned...there is no dumb question. As far as finding a Dom, you've been given the best advice..BE PATIENT! Rome wasn't built in a day...Neither was the Staple Center...lol Go Lakers! sorry...I'm still a fan.



MizSuz -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/3/2005 8:11:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Just because you are submissive does not mean that you need to confide all of your thoughts, experiences and fantasies to each and every "Dom" that asks. If it does not feel right to you then you have every right to say no. Your instincts are your most valuable tool.......listen to them and never second guess them. Hope this helps.



I completely agree with the first sentence. Well Said! The second sentence, however, supposes that someone will be clear enough about themself to not be experiencing the 'flutter and excitment of a new connection' and mistaking it for intuition. In short, some folks don't know the difference between their own neediness and their intuition/instincts. I'm of the opinion that this is how people rush into things convinced they've found 'the one' only to be completely heartbroken and on to the next 'one' in a few weeks. I'd bet they'd tell you that their intuition told them it was 'right.'

I'm of the opinion that the flutter of emotion that accompanies a new connection shouldn't be given much weight, either. At least not until a good deal of REAL TIME interaction has taken place, the individuals involved have objectively looked at the situation and have made a concious choice to commit.

Of course there will always be the occasional couple who met, played, fucked and moved-in in the first two weeks and are "blissful" years later. Statistically it's not prudent to bank on that, and if you decide to bank on it anyway then it's just poor form to complain if you get hurt. If you accept responsibility for the risks you take (and their subsequent consequences), it will assist you in not making them too often or at least not agonizing over it later. We all know people who just keep repeating their bad choices over and over and over. Don't you find that those are the people who inevitably will be in the most agony when it doesn't go the way they hoped and will be CONVINCED that the next one is 'different'?

Intuition is a wonderful thing, if you can be sure it's intuition and not hormones, confusion and need run amuck.



ResTrainHer2me -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/3/2005 8:12:27 PM)

Hating to sound cliche' here but "Patience is a virtue worthy of its reward"



mistoferin -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/3/2005 10:01:04 PM)

MizSuz.....
Thank you for pointing out my misspeak. I certainly was not clear enough and I do agree with your perspective on intuition vs. that flutter. What I was trying to say was that when your instincts tell you that something is not right....does not feel right to you.....those are the type of instincts that I never second guess. Too often even in my own life I have found myself trying to qualify the reasons I get those odd sorts of "red flag" feelings and on the occasions that I have discounted them I have generally been sorry that I did. These days I don't need to know what is wrong with the picture....just the fact that there feels like there is a piece missing from the puzzle is good enough for me....I don't need to know what piece it is. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify.



Goodmix -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/4/2005 6:00:33 AM)

Nikita,
Have you asked this question on the “ask a sub” board? I think if you do, you will find that what you are going through is normal.
I am sub, and I too have been put down. I too have thought of giving up looking, but the problem was, I couldn’t go back to vanilla. (Could you?)
Small people put you down to make themselves feel better. Follow your heart; there are a lot of people here on this site that can offer support & knowledge.
If you are interested in meeting someone, my suggestion would be to find a local group. (BDSM is bigger than you think and growing all the time) Go to Google or any search engine and look up BDSM and your region. For me it was “Baltimore BDSM” (to give you an example)
C



proudsub -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/4/2005 9:21:59 AM)

quote:

Have you asked this question on the “ask a sub” board? I think if you do, you will find that what you are going through is normal.


Duplicate threads are discouraged and usually pulled. Most subs will also read and reply on this board too.[:)]



Nikita -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/4/2005 10:38:24 AM)

On the ask a sub board I asked about advice on what i should and should not talk about with perspective Doms as i thought this was causing my problems I was given some good advice but have come to realise that its probably just a case of growing and learning just like with your first boyfriend when you get a little older you cant believe the things you said and done and how naive you were, thats whats happening to me here but the difference is it has been condensed into a smaller period of time.and in a way I am glad i have had the baptism of fire so to speak I am sure it will happen eventually and i have slowed my role and controlled my raging hormones.

thanx guys

and I know my punctuality is bad.....sorry



MizSuz -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/4/2005 2:34:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikita

...but have come to realise that its probably just a case of growing and learning just like with your first boyfriend when you get a little older you cant believe the things you said and done and how naive you were, thats whats happening to me here



What a FABULOUS statement of personal insight and empowerment! I applaud you.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikita

but the difference is it has been condensed into a smaller period of time.and in a way I am glad i have had the baptism of fire so to speak I am sure it will happen eventually and i have slowed my role and controlled my raging hormones.



Nikita,

Things DO happen faster and more furiously in a D/s relationship. I think it's the nature of the beast. We have so much of ourselves on the line in terms of vulnerability (sub or dom/me). We play with endorphins as a matter of course when most people have to take a planned vacation to get a little endorphin rush going. It's inevitable that things will seem more intense because they ARE more intense.

That's also why it's a good idea to go slowly when getting into a 'relationship.' You don't need 'a relationship' to explore the kink within you. It's a smart idea to get out to munches, clubs and/or demos to meet people. Find your community, pick the best of them and surround yourself with a good support system of people who understand you are new and need to 'play' for a while until you have a better sense of what you do and don't like and want.

As has been said by those smarter than me, "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional." You don't strike me as the type to sit on her laurels and suffer until rescued. I'll bet that this time next year you'll have a wealth of experience, you'll have a much better sense of what suits you r/t and what was better in fantasy, you'll have practical knowledge of where your boundaries are, and you'll be quite the catch for some dom. Call it a 'feeling' but I see you as a success story waiting to happen.

I wish you the best of luck, but I know you'll make your luck as most strong women do.





Nvernilla -> RE: What the heck is going on?? (1/4/2005 4:34:35 PM)

Don't give up, you will find the one.



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