Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 12:08:46 PM   
southernshugah


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		I am wondering.. if I were to want to introduce a vanilla man to the lifestyle how would I go about it? I cant just come out and say "Hey have you tried BDSM?" I live in the bible belt and he is a good ole country boy.. I'm sure he has heard of BDSM but only the bad parts and not the positive aspects.  I am a natural submissive and want a dominant man.. can I create one? hahahaha... HELP!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 12:33:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernshugah

I am wondering.. if I were to want to introduce a vanilla man to the lifestyle how would I go about it? I cant just come out and say "Hey have you tried BDSM?" I live in the bible belt and he is a good ole country boy.. I'm sure he has heard of BDSM but only the bad parts and not the positive aspects.  I am a natural submissive and want a dominant man.. can I create one? hahahaha... HELP!!

It's a dangerous road if you persue it seriously.  Many have tried just to end up quite frustrated.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_34276/mpage_1/key_convert%252Cvanilla/tm.htm#34290
I am what I am

http://www.collarchat.com/m_79275/mpage_1/key_convert%252Cvanilla/tm.htm#80676
Vanilla's

http://www.collarchat.com/m_101569/mpage_2/key_convert%252Cvanilla/tm.htm#101963
Difficult to find

http://www.collarchat.com/m_158457/mpage_1/key_convert%252Cvanilla/tm.htm#158759
Experience or converted?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_180804/mpage_1/key_convert%252Cvanilla/tm.htm#180804
how do you convert a vanilla?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_89314/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Cwife/tm.htm#89314
introducing your vanilla partner

http://www.collarchat.com/m_69381/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Cwife/tm.htm#69381
how to introduce power exchange to vanilla spouse?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_221509/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Cwife/tm.htm#221509
vanilla so and the lifestyle

http://www.collarchat.com/m_517701/mpage_1/key_convert%252Cvanilla/tm.htm#517713
Recruiting to the lifestyle

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 1:26:52 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernshugah

I am wondering.. if I were to want to introduce a vanilla man to the lifestyle how would I go about it? I cant just come out and say "Hey have you tried BDSM?" I live in the bible belt and he is a good ole country boy.. I'm sure he has heard of BDSM but only the bad parts and not the positive aspects. I am a natural submissive and want a dominant man.. can I create one? hahahaha... HELP!!


In this scenario, I often suggest not introducing it as BDSM. In fact, I often suggest not "introducing" it at all. It is true that the acronym has received some very undeserving—and in some cases, deserving—stigmas attached to it. Some men may not desire to associate with the neon chimera that is the BDSM underworld, but would have few qualms about taking aggressive sexuality and overall control a little higher on the scale with their wives / mates. Association with these acts and the revelations regarding the pleasures they bring tend to escalate over time. If you do not prepackage it as a lifestyle full of goofy labels and secret society rules, perhaps he will be more conducive toward engaging in the behavior. Over time, association with the "culture" may not seem so strange. Just one idea of many, I'm sure.



< Message edited by amayos -- 8/29/2006 1:33:31 PM >

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 1:47:26 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernshugah

I am wondering.. if I were to want to introduce a vanilla man to the lifestyle how would I go about it? I cant just come out and say "Hey have you tried BDSM?" I live in the bible belt and he is a good ole country boy.. I'm sure he has heard of BDSM but only the bad parts and not the positive aspects.  I am a natural submissive and want a dominant man.. can I create one? hahahaha... HELP!!


I would suggest behaving more submissively without giving any explanation or bringing it up.  "Honey do you mind if I run out to the mall with my friends tonight"?  "Honey would it be ok with you if we did ABC today instead of XYZ?  "Honey which dress would you rather see me in, the red or the black?" Eventually, he'll begin to wonder why you went shopping and didnt ask first.  Or dressed up for an evening out without asking his opinion of your outfit.  Eventually he will come to expect you to seek his approval before changing mutual plans that you normally would have just changed and informed him of, rather than getting his permission for first, etc.
Sexually...that could be tougher...I mean if you desire getting spanked or whipped, Im not sure there could be a way to get that without asking for it, except to maybe pose it as a joke and see how he reacts to it.  Like maybe next time you forget something at the grocery store....laugh about it and tell him how you should be spanked for it or something.  lol.  I know it sounds stupid, but hey maybe it'll bring something to the surface for him.  If you just want him to dominante sexually but dont need the S and M aspect, well, then just stradle him all naked and tell him how much you want to please him and worship him because you love him so much.....He will probably fall quite nicely into the role of taking you up on it.  Little by little you can shift your entire dynamic in such a gradual way that it might feel very natural.  Especiially if he likes it, then he's going to start doing things to initiate it as well.   You may also want to introduce him to a site called  "TakenInHand".  Its focus is more on the man being the head of the household and some of the literature there is an almost biblical approach of the woman being submissive to the husband and both being submissive to "God".....Its a bit mild for my tastes but for someone like your hubby this might be a more 'pure' approach than the image of leather and whips.  Good luck to you.

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 1:58:37 PM   
southernshugah


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you.. you have helped me alot..

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 1:59:39 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I am a natural submissive and want a dominant man.. can I create one?

No, you can't create one but you can test the waters to find out if there is one lurking inside him. You could try suggesting sex games where he is master and you slave or playfully suggest he spank you if you've been bad.  Other approaches could involve telling him you like a man to be in control or that you like following orders . . . use your imagination to devise other tactics that are based on your knowledge of him.

And make sure that you give him positive feedback for the efforts he makes -- if you complain he's not doing it right then you guarantee he won't try any more.

Just remember -- even if he tries these things that doesn't mean he is dominant -- he could just be going along for fun and games. But at least you'll break the ice and see what happens.


(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 2:00:02 PM   
southernshugah


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		I can do what you say!! Maybe he'll take the hint but some guys are not so bright when it comes to that because of womens rights :) but anyway... I just want him to be a "Man".. and not like the other wimps I date.. lets hope he isnt!!

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 2:06:12 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernshugah

I can do what you say!! Maybe he'll take the hint but some guys are not so bright when it comes to that because of womens rights :) but anyway... I just want him to be a "Man".. and not like the other wimps I date.. lets hope he isnt!!


lol I think alot of wimps are wimps because they think they have to kiss our asses to get a piece of ass.  Some of them will never figure it out.  But I think theres hope in your case.  :)

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 2:19:31 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I don't want to make this sound negative, but I do have one precaution.

As a dominant, I never wanted to get to a point in my relationship where my partner wasn't getting 'enough' dominance from me.  In other words, I wanted my interests and abilities to stay ahead of hers, because I didn't want her to become bored or dissatisfied.

You are already ahead of him on the curve, and he doesn't even know it yet.  If you manage to start down this road together, be cautious of complaining about 'not enough' later. 

However it is possible that he will start to see control as delicious and insatiable and keep your interests where they need to be.

Good luck.
Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/29/2006 3:07:38 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		It helped us to go shopping together and pick out a few new toys including a "starter bondage kit" and also to watch some bondage videos together.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/30/2006 1:12:36 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Most of your good ole country boys have a nautural brought up tendency to already take charge when needed and expect women to have serving/catering abilities. When it comes to having him be more dominant, just be more submissive. Cater and spoil him with welcomings, hot meals, and massages. Ask for his thoughts and decissions everytime you want to do something. He'll get use to you needing his permission and will end up liking it very much. That will be a great start to your D/s relationship.

Now on the the S&M part. Well, another good thing about good ole country boys is that most of them already own a knife and know a thing or two about ropes. If he's a bible thumper, so what? There's nothing in the good book that says you can't be tied up and spanked. If he likes sex, I can't imagine him freaking out over the fact that you would like to be tied up and have him take charge. In most cases, the way to have a guy get started with kink is with a rope, blind fold, and a hint of needing some lite spanking/minor pain. Also let him know how you love his forcefullness and how he pulls your hair. The rest will go from there as you explore websites, books, sex stores, and such together. 

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/30/2006 1:24:12 AM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, bondage is really the easiest way to introduce someone to bdsm and if that freaks them out just imagine what some of the other things might do.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/30/2006 6:23:41 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		PS:  You better come back and tell us how its working out for you!!! 

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 8/30/2006 11:53:25 AM   
southernshugah


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Our date went great.. he likes to spank... I can tell cause he took every opportunity to spat my bottom!! once he even mentioned spanking me... maybe there is a dom under all that country boy!!! Thanks everyone for your help!! I will keep you posted definitely!!

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 9/1/2006 12:37:28 AM   
SirDarkside357


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Hi shugah,

Being a good ole country boy myself, I'll say this, you never know about us.  While some of us wouldn't understand, many would, and those that do would love it.  As to the makeing of a dominant, personally, I don't think you can...but you may be able to bring it out in ole bubba if it's in him.  Just take it slow, don't rush him, test the waters before divin in. 

Be Well,
Darkside

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 9/1/2006 6:12:31 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernshugah

I am wondering.. if I were to want to introduce a vanilla man to the lifestyle how would I go about it? I cant just come out and say "Hey have you tried BDSM?" I live in the bible belt and he is a good ole country boy.. I'm sure he has heard of BDSM but only the bad parts and not the positive aspects.  I am a natural submissive and want a dominant man.. can I create one? hahahaha... HELP!!


Sometimes...if you sense correctly and he truly IS a dominant man...hmmm...thinking...well...maybe just begin by being your submissive self, and make soft gentle approaches, feel it out and go from there...take your time to get to know each other.  But DO think things through though..if this is where you wish to travel, it is not an easy road at times.  If he is a dom in both his mind and heart...the art of subtle persuasion (not manipulation-fine line - i know) goes a long way, as respect for his person is always firmly in place with no deception or sly chicanery, but only your honrable intentions.  Just offering a small thought. *smile

(in reply to southernshugah)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 9/1/2006 6:25:01 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Or, you could just pull out a pair of handcuffs and say;
"hey, you want to try these on me, they're from Paris, France and the new hot style."

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle - 9/1/2006 6:40:17 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Or, you could just pull out a pair of handcuffs and say;
"hey, you want to try these on me, they're from Paris, France and the new hot style."


Yes.  Subtlety.  Subtle is good. 

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 18
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Introducing Vanilla to Lifestyle Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109