quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I understand your post, and I do think that might have something to do with it, but for me, evaluating someone's true empathy level can go deeper than viewing them display everyday manners and politeness - although certainly not everyone displays these, and I think it can say good things about someone who takes the time to use them.

For me - it's someone who can really zero in on what someone else might be feeling and going through, with some accuracy - and really make that evident, by either being kind or giving them space (even if they don't ask for it) or offerring what they might need - by imagining what it would be like to be that person at that moment.


Empathy, for me, is deeper than Sympathy. I think Sympathy can be valuable, but it's got a "distance factor" in its display for me that Empathy doesn't. Empathy is more personal (to me). Sympathy has more (for me) to do sometimes with manners, or (God forbid) feeling sorry for someone else (which to me can sometimes insinuate the one offerring it feels superior to the offerree) but Empathy, to me- in general - maybe is really being able to step into someone's shoes and get on their level (mentally) and maybe actually feeling what they might feel (at least, to a degree), without ever hinting one is superior, at by talking down to the other person in any way. Of course, Sympathy is also many times a comforting thing to offer someone (depends, I guess, on your take of what it means, and who is doing the offerring, and under what circumstances). I could be way off base - or maybe I need to think about is some more to get a true handle on what it means to me.

Empathy - to me - also means being able to anticipate or imagine what somebody else might need, mostly I guess in terms of emotional response from another person - especially if they are in a dire circumstance, maybe - although also in an everyday circumstance that just might happen to be "trying" as well. But physical help and response is also important (hugs, aid, maybe sex, etc.) Wish I could explain it better (or at least be more concise). Thanks for the reply.

- Susan  

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Maybe I really do see someone who lacks the ability to empathize as a sociopath (not ice I did not say they always use it, but rather have that capability). The possibility of becoming involved with someone like this really scares me.

- Susan

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I understand your post, and I do think that might have something to do with it, but for me, evaluating someone's true empathy level can go deeper than viewing them display everyday manners and politeness - although certainly not everyone displays these, and I think it can say good things about someone who takes the time to use them.

For me - it's someone who can really zero in on what someone else might be feeling and going through, with some accuracy - and really make that evident, by either being kind or giving them space (even if they don't ask for it) or offerring what they might need - by imagining what it would be like to be that person at that moment.

quote:

Usually, people I think display it personalize their responses to situations, and the people in them they think might require Empathy, to the person they are hoping to display it toward (for me, I guess that is one clue they are "tuned in" to another, and can empathize).

quote:

Empathy, for me, is deeper than Sympathy. I think Sympathy can be valuable, but it's got a "distance factor" in its display for me that Empathy doesn't. Empathy is more personal (to me). Sympathy has more (for me) to do sometimes with manners, or (God forbid) feeling sorry for someone else (which to me can sometimes insinuate the one offerring it feels superior to the offerree) but Empathy, to me- in general - maybe is really being able to step into someone's shoes and get on their level (mentally) and maybe actually feeling what they might feel (at least, to a degree), without ever hinting one is superior, at by talking down to the other person in any way. Of course, Sympathy is also many times a comforting thing to offer someone (depends, I guess, on your take of what it means, and who is doing the offerring, and under what circumstances). I could be way off base - or maybe I need to think about is some more to get a true handle on what it means to me.

I disagree.  See both my note above and my very first response on this thread to your question.  While I think empathy can be an admirable trait in someone, empathy by itself is nothing more than being able to, as I noted before, "feel someone's pain".  That's it.  Genuinely caring about that pain and doing something about it requires sympathy and kindness and caring, along with the strength to get past the empathy level of "feeling your pain" and doing something about it and knowledge about what it takes to do just that.

quote:

Empathy - to me - also means being able to anticipate or imagine what somebody else might need, mostly I guess in terms of emotional response from another person - especially if they are in a dire circumstance, maybe - although also in an everyday circumstance that just might happen to be "trying" as well. But physical help and response is also important (hugs, aid, maybe sex, etc.) Wish I could explain it better (or at least be more concise). Thanks for the reply.

Empathy does involve a certain amount of intuition but it is only in regards to what someone else is feeling or thinking.  Knowing what they need based on this intuition comes from other aspects of the person's character...their general knowledge of people and of this person in particular, their desire (love, kindness, caring, sympathy)to supply what the person needs, and their willingness and ability (kindness, skill, knowledge, etc) to carry it through.

As someone else noted, it is a tool.  To me, it is a basic tool that is a primer to other traits.  But without those other traits...as in the case of a psychopath or sociopath...it is only "feeling your pain" and that is it.  As julia noted, and as I spoke of in my first post, a doctor needs empathy.  I have it...other, good, health care providers have it.  But if all we had was empathy, we would be useless to our patients.  A sadistic dominant with empathy but without sympathy and knowledge and kindness and concern for their submissive and a genuine desire to help his submissive get past their "pain"...no matter the cause of the pain...is a dominant who will love causing you pain because they can "feel your pain" but who will, possibly, not stop when they should because they thrive on that pain.  It is the distance factor of sympathy...and the other traits noted...that allows a doctor, or a dominant, to help people, not the empathy.

(in reply to SusanofO)