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Suggestions - 8/30/2006 9:13:16 AM   
ARGENTEAGLE


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		My wife and I don't really define our relationship as a dom/sub relationship.  We both desire to view the other as an equal.  She has however agreed to do whatever I ask because she loves and wants to make me happy.  In her mind she is still in control and could say no at any time, she just doesn't.  Its a fine line but an important distinction for us both.  Just wanted to give you some background.

Anyway, I would like to explore some exhibitionism with her.  I love the idea of showing her off and she will not admit it but she does to.  Once I drove her down a highway and pulled up next to a car I had her see that there was a lone man in the car and then had her shut her eyes.  I then let the care get away from us and told her to expose her breasts and start masturbating.  I told her, although it wasn't true, that the guy was getting turned on and that he was jerking off watching her.  She has never cum so hard and afterwards she attacked me and gave me the best blowjob of my life.

So does anyone have any suggestions on ways to pursue this fantasy.  We don't really have any friends that I would feel comfortable doing this in front of and she would freak if it was someone we knew.  She also doesn't want pics on the net since she has one of those jobs that if they knew you were having sex at all they would fire you.  Also while we are not ugly we are both plus size people, and I don't want to subject her to any hurtfull criticism. 

I'd like this to be a building process where eventually she might give another guy oral for my pleasure, but this will take a long while to work up to and I'm not sure we will ever get there, but then its the journey not the destination.  right?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 9:23:36 AM   
bluelace001


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline 		Sometimes the fear of loosing control equates to loosing one self. So many misconceptions happen to people who are new in the lifestyle, and it sounds like your wife might have some of those misconceptions. I'm not sure where your located, but most states have a community close by. I would suggest getting involved in your local community for many reason, including opening the door for this fantasy you both have. We are located in California, so we have a lot of resources available to us. Classes, munches, dungeons, sex clubs. If you have any of these things available to you, it would help you both to get your foot in the door and have places to fulfill fantacys. Just some thoughts on my end.
bluelace_V
(property of Viper_001)

(in reply to ARGENTEAGLE)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 9:36:29 AM   
ARGENTEAGLE


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		Well we don't have anything real local.  We live in kentucky and Louisville has 1 sex club I believe.  I have thought about this as she is also a voyer and loves to watch others.  The only problem is the taking it slow part, if I ask her to expose herself in a sex club, I'm afraid we will get a "so what" kind of response.  My turn on comes from getting others turned on by her, and I would think that in a sex club seing a naked women would really be no big deal.  Am I wrong about this? 

(in reply to bluelace001)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 9:37:23 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Some things to consider:

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARGENTEAGLE

My wife and I don't really define our relationship as a dom/sub relationship.  We both desire to view the other as an equal.  She has however agreed to do whatever I ask because she loves and wants to make me happy. 

Her having a desire to make you happy doesn't make her inferior and you superior. Even if she is submissive to you, she is still equal as a human being. Just because you assume the Dominant role doesn't make you better. In fact, if the two of you are going into the relationship with this tenant, it is doomed to failure, usually beginning when you, the Dominant, screw up.

quote:

In her mind she is still in control and could say no at any time, she just doesn't.  Its a fine line but an important distinction for us both.  Just wanted to give you some background.

In the end, you cannot force someone to do anything they don't want to do. she will always have the option to say "no". As in any relationship, she must be aware that, if she says "no", there are consequences to her actions. It's just that in a Ds relationship, the consequences are usually different than in a vanilla one. But, she still DOES have that option...she is still in contol of herself. Submission, as is Mastery, is an action of willful choice.

quote:

Anyway, I would like to explore some exhibitionism with her.  I love the idea of showing her off and she will not admit it but she does to.  Once I drove her down a highway and pulled up next to a car I had her see that there was a lone man in the car and then had her shut her eyes.  I then let the care get away from us and told her to expose her breasts and start masturbating.  I told her, although it wasn't true, that the guy was getting turned on and that he was jerking off watching her.  She has never cum so hard and afterwards she attacked me and gave me the best blowjob of my life.

So does anyone have any suggestions on ways to pursue this fantasy.  We don't really have any friends that I would feel comfortable doing this in front of and she would freak if it was someone we knew.  She also doesn't want pics on the net since she has one of those jobs that if they knew you were having sex at all they would fire you.  Also while we are not ugly we are both plus size people, and I don't want to subject her to any hurtfull criticism. 

I'd like this to be a building process where eventually she might give another guy oral for my pleasure, but this will take a long while to work up to and I'm not sure we will ever get there, but then its the journey not the destination.  right?


Have you looked into local, real time groups? Exhibitionism is rampant there! ;-)

There's all sorts of mind fucks you can do...fantasy blackmail, for one. Take picture or a video (or fake that you are) and tell her you're going to send it to X if she doesn't do as you say. This usually works in a sexual/play context. You can even go online and create fake personnas and send her emails about how hot the videos and pics were and use that to mind fuck, too. All sort of things can be done.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ARGENTEAGLE)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 9:42:54 AM   
bluelace001


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline 		You'd be amazed. Master and i attend a sex club out here, and the towel boys go there looking to see a naked woman, and even better to see a naked woman getting F*****. I am an exibitionist, and it definately fullfills my desire to have a bunch of guy and gals watching me while Master plays with me or while Master has me give some guy (a protected) blowjob.

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

try this link to find a local community near you. If you can find the circut near you, you can go to some of the events and eventually get invited to private parties also. Might be a start.

(in reply to ARGENTEAGLE)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 9:52:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARGENTEAGLE

My wife and I don't really define our relationship as a dom/sub relationship.  We both desire to view the other as an equal.  She has however agreed to do whatever I ask because she loves and wants to make me happy.  In her mind she is still in control and could say no at any time, she just doesn't.  Its a fine line but an important distinction for us both.  Just wanted to give you some background.


This really conflicts with your post in the thread you started about Online Subs in the Ask a Sub forum in which you stated:
[My wife's] not really into being submissive.  She's  willing to play every once and a while, but she just doesn't enjoy it very much. 

And then went on to ask about the feasibility of finding an online sub to do stuff with, no string attached?

What's up with this post now?  I think you and she need to really have a talk and decide exactly what will make you both happy and fulfilled.  Your statement that "she doesn't admit it, but she loves it" is pretty arrogant and it would be a big mistake to just forge ahead without her fully along for the ride.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ARGENTEAGLE)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 10:18:15 AM   
ARGENTEAGLE


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

This really conflicts with your post in the thread you started about Online Subs



Yeah I know that it seems to, sorry for the confusion.  I should have posted a follow up there and I will.   Some of the responses that I got from that post made me think.  My wife and I did actually have a very long conversation that night.  I told her that having a dom/sub relationship was an important fantasy for me and that I really didn't want to confuse my own emotions by having a seperate relationship online.  I laid out what I wanted from the relationship and she didn't really have a problem with any of it other than the idea of having no control over herself.  At one point she actually agreed to enter into a dom/sub relationship but she starting getting very anxious about it afterwards.  So I did some thinking about what it is I really wanted, and what I found was that I didn't need her submission, but her willingness.  I wanted her to do the things I asked not because of an agreement she had made, but because she loved me and wanted to make me happy.  She was fine with that. and actually wanted it to be this way.  We agreed that she has the right to say no at any time but she won't unless she feels it will hurt her or hurt our relationship.  I know that this is the exact same agreement that most dom/sub relationships have it's just that we have chosen to define it a different way.  And a rose by any other name....  Another important distinction between the arrangement we have made and most dom/sub relationships is that she is free to ask me to do anything she wants and I have agreed to not say no the same way she has.  So I guess we could be defined as a switch couple I guess.  The thing is she is pretty tame and I'll probably be the one on top most of the time.  This makes us both very happy and it has already showed in an extreme increase in affection between us. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 10:44:47 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

  This makes us both very happy and it has already showed in an extreme increase in affection between us. 


That's great! It's so nice that a suggestion from posters to communicate with one's spouse was actually heeded and had good results. It's so rare.

In terms of exhibitionism there are a TON of ways you and she can explore it a little at a time.

There are websites that allow you to post pics of your wife or girlfriend and those who see them and respond are NEVER rude or mean about appearance. They are wonderfully complimentary and flattering. Using a photo editing program you can black out or blur out her face, or make sure you only post pics with no face shot.

You can have her expose herself briefly in public (discreetly of course) and take a pic. Flash her breasts while wearing a jacket, just long enough to snap a pic or lift her skirt etc....

Have her take off her panties or bra in a restaurant and hand them to you across the table.

If she likes having someone hear the sounds she makes you can probably find men willing to listen on chat sites and such.

Also, just between the two of you, forcing her to expose herself randomly by hiking up her skirt or shirt and making her walk around the house or do chores that way, or if you have a fenced back yard, make her go into the back yard that way.

You could put her on cam in a chat room. You could put a mask or hood on her if she's worried about being recognized.

Also, just having pics taken or being videotaped (even if they just stay between the two of you) is a form of exhibitionism and especially fun to watch back.

Of course you've already discovered having her expose in a car, but at night she could strip completely and she wouldn't be noticed, except when you turned the interior light on. Depending on where you live, and if it's late and there is little traffic, you could also have her walk into the house naked.

(in reply to ARGENTEAGLE)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 11:31:39 AM   
ARGENTEAGLE


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARGENTEAGLE

Your statement that "she doesn't admit it, but she loves it" is pretty arrogant and it would be a big mistake to just forge ahead without her fully along for the ride.



Oops missed this one the first time I read it.  So let me clairfy that as well.  "wont admit it" was probably not the correct choice of words.  Its not that she is against it, its just when I ask her to tell me what turns her on she doesn't usually talk about being watched, but talks more about watching.  Thats why I told the story about the car,  while she doesn't say "I like being looked at by other men" I have a pretty good idea that it does turn her on.  Thats why bluelace's suggestion about the sex club is a good one.  I can have my fantasy and she can have hers both of whitch will turn both of us on.  Its a win all the way arround.  I think it may be a bit out of our league today but in a few months I think it will be great.  I hope this makes me seem less arogant.

< Message edited by ARGENTEAGLE -- 8/30/2006 11:32:38 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 11:42:56 AM   
ARGENTEAGLE


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		Masterfiremam and TNstepsout those are great suggestions!!! I would love to hear more.  I especcially love the idea of pretending to send out her photo and giving her feedback from fake email addresses.  I also really like the idea of having guys listen to her, she sounds extremely sexy.  Mabey I'll have them give me directions on what to do to her.  Anything that makes her feel sexy is great. Keep them coming.

(in reply to ARGENTEAGLE)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Suggestions - 8/30/2006 12:52:05 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

So does anyone have any suggestions on ways to pursue this fantasy


I was going to suggest a public cam site like jmeeting or anywebcam. You can do just private caming there if you are afraid the wrong person might accidently identify her. You can also not show your faces.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to ARGENTEAGLE)
Profile   Post #: 11
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