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when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 2:16:28 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greeting to all slaves ad submissive

i have a problem when someone has written to me they start off with hello mistress or hello my mistress etc .

i do find this to be a mstake to call me this when i am not your mistress, i have told many that this si not the way to address a domme we are not yours. some do become upset and do not write back but that is ok.
when writing a domme do not assume that she has chosen you right away. instead address us as ma'am that is all if you know are sn use it but as dear etc

this will help in the long run and may get you a domme for sure

take care all ( i am so sleeoly my sleep apena is acting up i am just so tired )

mons

Post #: 1

RE: when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 6:24:19 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Some of us really don't have a problem with that, gentlemen. I'd rather them be respectful and actually USE a form of address rather than an impersonal, unsigned email any day. YMMV.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 2

RE: when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 7:17:59 AM

DoraExplorer

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline

Actually, I hate being addressed as "ma'am" - makes me feel like the Queen Mum (and she's dead!). As Pandora says, respect is more important than a form of address... "hey you" doesn't stop me in my tracks except in a bad way!

_____________________________

Thank you for *not* being perky

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 3

RE: when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 7:54:44 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Probably the easiest thing to do is address the person by their screen name until told to do otherwise. I wouldn't be offended by this at all since I spent time picking out one I liked.

Master Fire (who prefers Ma'am, as the screen name suggests)

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 4

RE: when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 9:06:55 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

I have offered this advice many times...

When making introductions & you are unsure how to address someone the best thing to do is introduce yourself & ask the other person how do they wish to be addressed.

This works in any given situation. Subs aren't the only ones that face a situation where they may use an undesired identifier.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 5

RE: when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 9:34:40 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Probably the easiest thing to do is address the person by their screen name until told to do otherwise. I wouldn't be offended by this at all since I spent time picking out one I liked.

Master Fire (who prefers Ma'am, as the screen name suggests)

That is why we have screen names, right? As a form of initial introduction.

I always sign my name on a reply and I hope if the person writes back they'll call me by that.

Something that annoys me more than being called a title in an initial email is when the emailer does not sign a name or uses some title him/herself like "slavebob" or "footboy" or something like that. I mean, if you want to talk to me, be a real person with a real name, I don't want your last name but a real first name would be nice.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 3:03:27 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Personally, I don't pay too much attention to that. I'll tell them how I want to be addressed, but understand that in the beginning they may have misconceptions;they may have been hanging in chat rooms where protocol is the norm or insisted on; they may have been in service to a Domme who insisted that all Dom/me's be called Sir or Ma'am or whatever. They may just not KNOW and are trying to be seen as polite or respectful. Furthermore, there are Mistresses who INSIST on being called Mistress by any sub/slave, as their right!

The poor subs just can't win no matter what they do! Cut 'em some slack, cripes. They are trying to show you they have a proper mindset/manners. It's not like they dropped to their knees and licked your boots. Cripes.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 7

RE: when writing a domme - 8/31/2006 5:58:52 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Although I specifically give My preferred options of address in My profile, we all know how that goes! *Smile*
As to an intitial greeting of "Dear Mistress", it tells Me a couple of things. One they didn't really read My profile, and two, they just don't know any better. As stated, it is certainly preferable to "Hey you"! And I have had various versions of that! What really makes My skin crawl is the "Your Highness" "Imperious One", "Holiness" and the use of the word "Goddess" or "my Goddess" three times in every sentence. I have a hard time wading through the thought in the email, if I have to keep reading that! Although sometimes the "Goddess" and "my Goddess" is the only thought!
If the letter warrants a response, I will remind that I am not "their" Mistress (yet! LOL) and attempt to reinforce My preferences. If it is still ignored or argued about, I don't waste the time. There is a lot of misinformation out there, especially in the chatrooms, and some ladies don't mind being referred to as "Mistress" right off the bat.
No biggie...

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 8

RE: when writing a domme - 9/1/2006 5:04:37 PM

agoodfriend

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline

As someone new to the boards, i thank you all for the good advice...So many pitfalls and so few safety nets...

Too often we simply forget.

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 9

RE: when writing a domme - 9/2/2006 12:38:13 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I agree with mons--"Hello Mistress" bugs me, especially when it's addressed to my "couple" profile. Addressing me as "Mistress" won't singlehandedly damn a prospective bottom or submissive, but it's not going to help him or her either.

So, in the interest of putting my vote for salutations in: if you don't know how to address me, and you feel goofy typing my screen name at the top of your email, write "Good afternoon," (morning, evening, as appropriate) or "Greetings." Then, if we correspond, I can sign my name to the reply and you can address me with that.

It's also annoying if I don't get a name after two emails. It doesn't even have to be the correspondent's real first name, just something that sounds remotely like a name that could appear on a birth certificate. Otherwise, he or she loses a certain individuality--crudely, I can't remember which of the "pain toys" I'm talking to.

Monica

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 10

RE: when writing a domme - 9/2/2006 3:54:29 PM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

I have a nickname I've used for years ... after some contact, I pretty much tell them to use the nickname. I personally don't care if they use ma'am at first ... Afterwards though My nickname is used, usually until they are collared. Two have continued using it. It depends.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to mp072004)

Post #: 11

RE: when writing a domme - 9/2/2006 5:48:34 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

A woman from here once wrote me and didn't use any signature at the end of the message. She had written me out of the blue, inquiring if I was interested in submitting to her. I asked her in my response how she would like me to address her in any future correspondence.

She responded with profanities, indicating that she didn't like submissive who try to top from the bottom (which asking the question apparently was doing). Then she did the infamous "block" on me.

These days, I don't even pay attention to the addressing part of it until someone tells me what she prefers. I don't ask, I don't assume, and to be honest, until she cares, I don't care.

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 12

RE: when writing a domme - 9/2/2006 6:07:18 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Wow!! Sounds like someone has some anger issues! I think she needs to get herself under control, before she can dominate someone else :( you were well out of that one !

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

A woman from here once wrote me and didn't use any signature at the end of the message. She had written me out of the blue, inquiring if I was interested in submitting to her. I asked her in my response how she would like me to address her in any future correspondence.

She responded with profanities, indicating that she didn't like submissive who try to top from the bottom (which asking the question apparently was doing). Then she did the infamous "block" on me.

These days, I don't even pay attention to the addressing part of it until someone tells me what she prefers. I don't ask, I don't assume, and to be honest, until she cares, I don't care.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 13

RE: when writing a domme - 9/3/2006 7:31:53 AM

m4fwithbelt

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

I think this thread points out some of the problems that submissives have in trying to find a dominant lady. Depending on whom I am corresponding with how I address them is different. I think once someone is told not to address you a certain way then you have a place to complain about it. If you decided not to respond then you may have lost someone who might be your match. You need to really think it out sometimes.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 14

RE: when writing a domme - 9/3/2006 9:44:26 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: m4fwithbelt

I think this thread points out some of the problems that submissives have in trying to find a dominant lady. Depending on whom I am corresponding with how I address them is different. I think once someone is told not to address you a certain way then you have a place to complain about it. If you decided not to respond then you may have lost someone who might be your match. You need to really think it out sometimes.

The point is that many of us already HAVE it in our profiles or in the way we sign letters. It's incumbent upon the subject to PAY ATTENTION to what we say. I don't think of it as me 'losing out on someone' if they can't care to listen to my instructions.....that IS, afterall, what they're claiming they seek, right?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to m4fwithbelt)

Post #: 15

RE: when writing a domme - 9/4/2006 5:07:32 AM

felicitousdove

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/7/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Generally when addressing a Dominant whom i am not owned by, i will address her as Ma'am to show respect, initially, and ask her how she prefers to be addressed.

Likewise with male Doms, i iwll address them as Sir, until told how they prefer to be addressed.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 16

RE: when writing a domme - 9/4/2006 7:39:18 AM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

littlesarbonn ... as stated - you are WELL out of that consideration. That was no account of any Master or Mistress. She has anger management issues She needs to see corrected before she will be able to form the bond necessary (one of trust) with anyone else. Kudos for you escaping that one.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to felicitousdove)

Post #: 17

RE: when writing a domme - 9/4/2006 8:59:04 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

Aight I'm gonna express myself a little bit...ma moma always told me that expressing yourself was a good thing *cough* anywayz
Nobody is alike..every single Dominatrix is different and they all like different methods of how to write them...so it's quite impossible to give a recipe of how to write to a Domme.
Sooo isn't the bottom line just to be yourself and be true and honest and so the greeting..isn't maybe what's matter but actually what the submissive/slave has to say? Because after all..you can't base your complete judgement of how the person addresses you..well of course if it's Hi Dipshit then I guess it's possible, but you know what I mean..and the only thing you really perhaps need to think about is that you aint writing an advertisment but you're writing TO this particular Dominatrix BECAUSE she has caught your interest because....etc. and then it should..probably just..come automatically perhaps a bit hestitating but yeah..anyway just my thoughts..I hope I'm not completely out of it?

(in reply to DivaDuchess)

Post #: 18

RE: when writing a domme - 9/4/2006 9:02:15 AM

MsSkylar

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline

I still think either, any or none are better then an email that just says

"Hi" .,.. and nothing else.. lol..

Actually Mistress is reserved for those that are Mine.. Anything else is usually ok until we are in deeper communication and some rules get established.

Ms J

(in reply to DivaDuchess)

Post #: 19

RE: when writing a domme - 9/4/2006 11:33:58 AM

Contesaluv

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

I have offered this advice many times...

When making introductions & you are unsure how to address someone the best thing to do is introduce yourself & ask the other person how do they wish to be addressed.

This works in any given situation. Subs aren't the only ones that face a situation where they may use an undesired identifier.

I concur. When in doubt ask. I'm sure, however, any Domme that has a problem with how she's being addressed will respond in kind if she so desires. We're in a world of so many varying personalities that I have to say a sub would have to be a mind reader to know which Domme will be offended and which won't. Better to ask than assume I'd say. I for one don't throw out the baby with the bath water, if they address me improperly but have sent a well thought out email that proves that they've read my profile and have sent a picture along with it. I respond and let them know how I wish to be addressed and too, I'm not so formal to start out because there's a real world out there and if it's going to be long term I want to get to know the person behind the D/s persona first. I don't feel that makes me less of a Domme it just makes me the kind of Domme I am and I'll hopefully attract specifically what I need and want in a submissive more often than not. There's still a weeding process anyway.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 20

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