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Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 4:48:38 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Although I am sure it depends on the people involved, I am simply curious whether people who have some level of bdsm activity (even if just a bit) tend to -

*Stick with the same bdsm activities because you either are used to those, or have decided that's all you want to do as far as activity (and you like it that way), Or - whether you normally explore some activity you may have not before attempted together, but have been curious about on a regular basis.

*If you are exploring new bdsm activity, do you decide which new one to explore together, or does the Master or Dominant make the decision, (with or without taking into consideration the desires of their submissive or slave)?

Thanks for any replies.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/31/2006 4:51:56 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

Post #: 1

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 5:00:34 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Although I am sure it depends on the people involved, I am simply curious whether people who have some level of bdsm activity (even if just a bit) tend to -

*Stick with the same bdsm activities because you either are used to those, or have decided that's all you want to do as far as activity (and you like it that way), Or - whether you normally explore some activity you may have not before attempted together, but have been curious about on a regular basis.

*If you are exploring new bdsm activity, do you decide which new one to explore together, or does the Master or Dominant make the decision, (with or without taking into consideration the desires of their submissive or slave)?

Thanks for any replies.

- Susan

I communicate things I do before starting a relationship. The sub can decide if these will or won"t work for her. I like bondage and control, and dislike SM.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 5:03:28 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Susan,

I think this must be why I have two closets-full of toys. I don't want I or my partner to be bored with the 'same ol same ol'. Sometimes it's painplay with 'these' toys, other times painplay with 'those' toys. Sometimes it's bondage and insertables, sometimes bondage and wax and/or clamps.

As far as new activities, if I encounter someone who has more experience than I in an activity, and it is an interest of theirs, then I look at that as an opportunity to learn. Not only for that present relationship, but if there should be relationships in the future. (Although at present I can safely say I just want one more, one more REALLY GOOD one.)

I think as one gets more experience in WIITWD, some of our taboos are shed, which is a good thing. There might be some 'universal' hard limits that everyone should adhere to, but usually most of the other ones fall into 'squickable' items for one party or the other. For myself, there have been things that weren't really a limit that I would liked to have had more experience, but have not yet had the opportunity to explore.

Hope this is along the lines of what you're looking for. If not, mea culpa. It's not like I enjoy sitting here watching myself type.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 5:16:55 AM

midnyt

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Joined: 8/27/2006
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Master switches it up all the time...i never know what to expect. that is the way i like it too. He is always keeping me on my toes. He does what ever crosses His twisted mind and He can do what ever He wants to me. we have a contract set up so He already knows what i will not do. (which isnt much) i trust him completly and i know He would not cause harm to me. His first priority is my safety. so He doesnt have to communicate with me what He is going to do befor He does it. we talk all the time about our desires and cravings and our dislikes...we have great communication and trust. He is free to act on His desires. ~midnyt~

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 5:23:56 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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Me and the ex pretty much found a few positions that we liked and stuck with them with the exception of being tied in the barn which we could only do for about 4 or 5 months of the year because it gets (((COLD))) in the mountains of New Hampshire.
We tended to play for a few hours and in the daytime while her unmentionable was in school so the positions we used had to be "comfortable" for her.
Of course she liked spread-eagle with a few variations; regular, legs tied up behind her into eye hooks in the wall for maximum pussy access, spread eagle on her stomach for spanking/anal play, sex.
Another that* I * really liked was to have her tied over the kitchen table with pillows for comfort ankles tied to bottom of table legs, wrists tied either behind her or to other side of table legs, gagged and sometimes earplugs and bondage hood for sensory deprivation.
She had a nice ass and I liked to look at it so this was a good "objectification " position and obviously a great position for spanking.
She told me that she liked it because she couldn't tell whether I was looking at her and that turned her on.
I'd leave her like that for a while and then surprise her with a good hard crack on the ass with a black leather slapper!
Then I might wait another 10 minutes or so and give her another crack.
Then there were different standing positions which we both enjoyed like tying her onto eye hooks around the door frame blindfolded and gagged.
We did a "hogtie" a few times but we both liked positions where she was sexually vulnerable and available.
You can do a hogtie that makes the sub sexually available though.
We both had input as to which positions we used and she once told me; "I like ANY position where I'm totally helpless to prevent you from fucking me."
I would of course, appreciate any feedback from a sub as to which position she liked or wanted to try.
The thing is if you're going to use positions for an hour or two you need to make sure that they are comfortable for the sub/slave and don't cause back aches or muscle sprains or spasms!
More later.
Susan, another great topic! Your threads are the best!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 5:28:25 AM

Lashra

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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I try to never do things exactly the same way twice. I really like to think my scenes out ahead of time and make them as different as possible. If I'm going to try something new on my sub I always let him know ahead of time. Now I may not go into detail because I like to keep him curious about whats going to happen.

This has worked really well for us and thus far it hasn't gotten old.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 5:29:37 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: midnyt

Master switches it up all the time...i never know what to expect. that is the way i like it too. He is always keeping me on my toes. He does what ever crosses His twisted mind and He can do what ever He wants to me. we have a contract set up so He already knows what i will not do. (which isnt much) i trust him completly and i know He would not cause harm to me. His first priority is my safety. so He doesnt have to communicate with me what He is going to do befor He does it. we talk all the time about our desires and cravings and our dislikes...we have great communication and trust. He is free to act on His desires. ~midnyt~

Midnyt, "we talk all the time about our desires and cravings and our dislikes...we have great communication (There'that word again!) and trust.
That is exactly the way I do it too!

(in reply to midnyt)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 5:41:13 AM

gardenbluebird

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
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The beauty of BDSM is that there are so many possibilities. Almost every time that i am with Master there is something entirely new or a variation that we haven't tried.

When it comes to exploring new things i am free to suggest, but the decisions are his. If he has something in mind that is totally different and challenging to me he will talk to me about it and let me become intrigued with the idea before it becomes a reality. What is happening on any particular day is always a surprise to me. He will often give me hints and inquire about my mood / state of mind and will adjust accordingly.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 6:42:55 AM

SusanofO

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Thank you for all of the replies!
I think I'd be the kind that would have a scene in my head before a meeting took place; so if someone asked me what I wanted, I'd be able to let them know. I can always think of new things I'd love to try. Of course their needs would come first, and I'd let them know if I had any true "squicks", and they'd be aware of my "limits". But I'd want to learn new things, and be open to lots of new stuff, I think.

I am interested in trying some sadistic things, but definitely can appreciate gentler bdsm moments and scenes also, and am definitely interested in both D/s and S/M. And and also I've never tried bondage before - my last Dominant and I just never got around to that I guess. I've been spanked, belted, strapped and whipped, and that's about it. Never tied up at all. He just didn't do it. He never gagged me, either (although he probably would have done both if I'd asked, which I didn't. I enjoyed what we were doing). Never tried anything remotely truly sadistic, either.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/31/2006 6:53:51 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 6:56:38 AM

popeye1250

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Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Oh, my ex had a bad right hip so that did somewhat limit her to "comfortable" positions. We tried suspension bondage but it was just to uncomfortable for her.
We did tend to use the same positions because we liked them.
And I would always try to be creative in that we never really did the same thing twice.
She never knew when I'd use a vibrating butt plug on her for example.
And, I like to aquire new toys and bondage gear on a regular basis so that mixes things up as far as different types of play goes.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 7:07:19 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
*Stick with the same bdsm activities because you either are used to those, or have decided that's all you want to do as far as activity (and you like it that way), Or - whether you normally explore some activity you may have not before attempted together, but have been curious about on a regular basis.

I do both. There are things I do pretty much routinely and happily so. After 8 years being active in the scene, it doesn't happen as often to come across a nifty new toy or technique, but I'm still open to it. There's always a little twist someone can teach you and since relationships are always evolving into themselves, that's always new fun.

quote:

*If you are exploring new bdsm activity, do you decide which new one to explore together, or does the Master or Dominant make the decision, (with or without taking into consideration the desires of their submissive or slave)?

If it's something new I want to try that I have a feeling the other person might have a bad reaction to, I'd discuss it with them first. I'd expect them to be open to trying it at least, but that's it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 7:11:50 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Although I am sure it depends on the people involved, I am simply curious whether people who have some level of bdsm activity (even if just a bit) tend to -

*Stick with the same bdsm activities because you either are used to those, or have decided that's all you want to do as far as activity (and you like it that way), Or - whether you normally explore some activity you may have not before attempted together, but have been curious about on a regular basis.

When I am with someone on an ongoing basis, I try to vary the activities with regular returns to my/her/our favorites. For the most part, I love to try new things but I would be unlikely to do a session that involved all new activity. My reasoning behind this is fairly simple. When I do a scene, I try not to introduce more than 2 - 4 different types of sensation. ( I'm a big believer in the idea of sensory overload resulting in confusion which in turn results in less fun rather than more. ) I want at least one of those sensations to be something tried and true and which will yield a known response. I don't know what the new activities will yield...it could be pleasure, it could be pain that does not transmute into pleasure, it could be boredom. I want at least one activity where the expected response can be counted on.

quote:

*If you are exploring new bdsm activity, do you decide which new one to explore together, or does the Master or Dominant make the decision, (with or without taking into consideration the desires of their submissive or slave)?

When I am involved with someone, I am usually also the one who makes the decision as to whether or not to explore a new area. The submissive's feelings are always taken into consideration. That said, the idea that she may not like something does not mean it won't happen...especially if it is something I want to try and as long as there is no hard limit. It was mentioned on another thread recently...and in past threads...that consideration of a submissive's / slave's feelings does not mean that they are going to get their preferred way (as some seem to think that is what consideration means.)
Since I like to discuss a lot of different things, the activity may be one we talked about yesterday...or last week...or last month. I try to know ahead of time how a submissive feels about various activities by talking to her about them. In these cases, you could look at it as being something we may have both decided we'd like to try someday but I am the one who decides this is the day/night for it.
In some cases, we may be discussing an activity that has interested both of us to the extent that it has been the subject of more than one conversation, not only between us but possibly between us and friends. In a case like that, I would still be the one deciding to explore a new activity together...right then.

quote:

Thanks for any replies.

- Susan

You're quite welcome.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/31/2006 7:31:24 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 7:16:30 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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The canes and floggers get regular use, but I like variety and just about anything can take My fancy. If it does, then it is introduced.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 7:17:52 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Susan, you've never been tied up before?
Wow, you're in for a treat!!!
Just imagine being tied to a bed spreadeagle and gagged and being teased until it's unbearable and being totally helpless to stop it!
I think that makes you,...a "Bondage Virgin."

(Man! It's really pissing down rain here now!)

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 7:24:12 AM

DanielsHeart

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Although I am sure it depends on the people involved, I am simply curious whether people who have some level of bdsm activity (even if just a bit) tend to -

*Stick with the same bdsm activities because you either are used to those, or have decided that's all you want to do as far as activity (and you like it that way), Or - whether you normally explore some activity you may have not before attempted together, but have been curious about on a regular basis.

*If you are exploring new bdsm activity, do you decide which new one to explore together, or does the Master or Dominant make the decision, (with or without taking into consideration the desires of their submissive or slave)?

Thanks for any replies.

- Susan

Things here change often, but there are some things that are done much more frequently than others.

If I have heard of something or have something in my mind that I want to try, I bring it up usually with some information about it that he can read, and he decides if it will be tried or not.

Variety is the spice of life afterall.

Daniel's heart

_____________________________

His heart for His pleasure always

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 7:34:09 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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I appreciate the reponses from people. Thanks.

Creative Dominant: I tend to agree with you about the sensory overload thing. I hadn't thought of it, but it sounds on target to me.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to DanielsHeart)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 8:03:02 AM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Although I am sure it depends on the people involved, I am simply curious whether people who have some level of bdsm activity (even if just a bit) tend to -

*Stick with the same bdsm activities because you either are used to those, or have decided that's all you want to do as far as activity (and you like it that way), Or - whether you normally explore some activity you may have not before attempted together, but have been curious about on a regular basis.

*If you are exploring new bdsm activity, do you decide which new one to explore together, or does the Master or Dominant make the decision, (with or without taking into consideration the desires of their submissive or slave)?

The majority of the time we stick with what works, so to speak. However, if the mood strikes and we're both feeling up for it....

Given that there are still many aspects of WIITWD that I am still exploring, my husband and I go into any new exploration together. This usually involves some sort of conversation beforehand to discuss the specifics, so to speak. This usually happens some time before an occasion arises (pun intended?) to try it out. I'm very big on everyone being on the same page, especially when something new is introduced.

~Cait

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 11:03:50 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

The only constant in any play we always incorporate is nipple torture. He is addicted to it and I sooooooo love the sensations. If we are going to try something new, he is always the one to suggest it. Frankly, even at my age, my twenty year marriage of "Man on top, get it over with first", severely limited my experiences.

Sunshine

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 11:18:46 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

I make the decisions.. but I do welcome suggestions :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you vary your bdsm activities? Often? - 8/31/2006 1:00:56 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: midnyt

Master switches it up all the time...i never know what to expect. that is the way i like it too. He is always keeping me on my toes. He does what ever crosses His twisted mind and He can do what ever He wants to me. we have a contract set up so He already knows what i will not do. (which isnt much) i trust him completly and i know He would not cause harm to me. His first priority is my safety. so He doesnt have to communicate with me what He is going to do befor He does it. we talk all the time about our desires and cravings and our dislikes...we have great communication and trust. He is free to act on His desires. ~midnyt~

Like you, I never know what to expect. The element of surprise is not new to me. This keeps me focused and allows me to prepare for anything and everything. He and I do not have a contract as you do, but he does know me intimately, and knows what I can handle, and what I can not. New and "outrageous" concepts are always explored first, so he understands my thoughts, feelings, fears, etc, about them. But he decides what is done and when, and I am rarely informed in advance of what they will be.

There are times, however, when he might ask me what I would best like to do on a particular day. I am allowed to share those desires and then he will decide what, if anything, to incorporate into his plans for me.

(in reply to midnyt)

Post #: 20

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