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Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:14:54 AM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

      According to the directions on my Clairol XLO "Fearless Bleach Blonde" box, I've ascended the ranks of aesthetic couture, from flaxen-haired "himbo", to the pretigious rank of EXPERT COLOURIST (note the continental spelling) with real street cred! Don't believe me? Then check it out for yourself.

Step 2. Put on your EXPERT COLOURIST gloves, and open developer bottle.

       You've got to be careful not to let that sort of thing go to your head, like some big, fancy shmancy corporate promotion. Here I was, working this lowly, menial security job, when I discovered a goddamn Mt. Vesuvius of talent, all for a purchase of $9.99 at my local CVS!!!!

Next time any of you muthafuckas want to talk smack to TreSwank on these forums, you'd better take into account that you ain't messin' with any Joe Shmoe from off the street...............you're addressing an EXPERT COLOURIST!!!!!!!!!

From now on, for the sake of propriety, I'd like to ask all individuals to address me as TreSwank (Expert Colourist).  All dye-jobs WILL require tribute!!!

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 9/1/2006 6:53:30 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:18:47 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Congradulations!!! I'm soooooooooooo proud!

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 2

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:19:24 AM

SavageFaerie

Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline

ROFLMAO

You are too funny sometimes.

I never realized my redheaded bimbo talents either

Will you just check you damn main now? Hummmmpht Geez already

_____________________________

Disclaimer:If its the wrong word or misspelled I blame on my fingers and brains refusing to interact.

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 3

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:19:48 AM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

Thank you. It's all happening so fast.

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 4

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:26:37 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Yeah that's all well and good. Talent is the ability to do a great pedicure.

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 5

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:28:13 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

Holy shit I can't believe I'm started to like your humor...well and talent!
Congratulations btw

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 6

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:31:12 AM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

Excuse me, but I think that you should have said "paedicure", because we're all being "fancy" now.

*TreSwank has NO CLUE what he's talking about with the "paedicure" thing.................but giving a good ol' foot treatment is one hell of a plus!!!

The next time anyone offers me criticism on ANY issue, my sole reply is going to be "That's all fine and dandy, but do you happen to be a Clairol appointed EXPERT COLOURIST! No? Well that's too bad, then. Talk to the hand, bitches!!"

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 9/1/2006 6:38:00 AM >

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 7

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:43:50 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreSwank

Excuse me, but I think that you should have said "paedicure", because we're all being "fancy" now.

*TreSwank has NO CLUE what he's talking about with the "paedicure" thing.................but giving a good ol' foot treatment is one hell of a plus!!!

The next time anyone offers me criticism on ANY issue, my sole reply is going to be "That's all fine and dandy, but do you happen to be a Clairol appointed EXPERT COLOURIST! No? Well that's too bad, then. Talk to the hand, bitches!!"

Until you chemically burn your scalp and all your hair falls out. Then can we call you Yul? or Telly?

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 8

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:45:26 AM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

Then you'll have to call me "Big Daddy Fat-Sacks".......................or "Big Pappa Tasty Cakes" Dr. Machismo would work equally well.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 9/1/2006 6:49:48 AM >

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 9

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 6:47:06 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Yes, that would probably be more appropriate for you.

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 10

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 7:01:42 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Bah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Put on your EXPERT COLOURIST gloves, and open developer bottle.........

You are nothing without gloves, samson. Interestingly The god Thor put on gloves to wing his hammer Miolnar, but I forget their name.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 11

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 7:06:25 AM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

Expert Colourist Fact #1

An EXPERT COLOURIST can manipulate the sensations in his own prostate gland by vogue dancing, or listening to Hall and Oate's "Maneater."

"Whoa-oh, there she goes!"

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 9/1/2006 7:10:02 AM >

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 12

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 9:35:04 AM

RosaB

Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

Too funny

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 13

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 12:14:16 PM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

*Deleted in one of those rare moments of tactfulness.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 9/1/2006 12:26:10 PM >

(in reply to RosaB)

Post #: 14

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 5:29:36 PM

Craftsman

Posts: 885
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Bah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Put on your EXPERT COLOURIST gloves, and open developer bottle.........

You are nothing without gloves, samson. Interestingly The god Thor put on gloves to wing his hammer Miolnar, but I forget their name.

Ron

I have made diligent search in and about the premises, and have not ascertained a name for Thor's gloves. Wikipedia has the following to say about his hammer and his belt:

quote:

Thor owns a short-handled war hammer, Mjolnir, which, when thrown at a target, returns magically to the owner. To wield Mjolnir, Thor wears the belt Megingjord, which boosts the wearer's strength and a pair of special iron gloves to lift the hammer.

More may be found at Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thor

As an aside, the last "Expert Colourist" I met swished about most prancingly while mimicking a French accent with much affectation. Methinks perhaps to sit and await the passing of said "Expert Colourist" TresWank ---- errr--- TreSwank, to observe with mine own eye the prancefullness and mincingness of said 'Expert's' gait.

_____________________________

You do not have to be perfect to be perfect.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 15

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/1/2006 11:59:41 PM

insilhouette

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

You ho.

I still want the Abba Gold back..

Bitch. :P

(in reply to TreSwank)

Post #: 16

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/2/2006 3:22:16 AM

TreSwank

Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Craftsman

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Bah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Put on your EXPERT COLOURIST gloves, and open developer bottle.........

You are nothing without gloves, samson. Interestingly The god Thor put on gloves to wing his hammer Miolnar, but I forget their name.

Ron

I have made diligent search in and about the premises, and have not ascertained a name for Thor's gloves. Wikipedia has the following to say about his hammer and his belt:

quote:

Thor owns a short-handled war hammer, Mjolnir, which, when thrown at a target, returns magically to the owner. To wield Mjolnir, Thor wears the belt Megingjord, which boosts the wearer's strength and a pair of special iron gloves to lift the hammer.

More may be found at Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thor

As an aside, the last "Expert Colourist" I met swished about most prancingly while mimicking a French accent with much affectation. Methinks perhaps to sit and await the passing of said "Expert Colourist" TresWank ---- errr--- TreSwank, to observe with mine own eye the prancefullness and mincingness of said 'Expert's' gait.

Perhaps a sexy, machismo-rife swagger would be more along the right lines. I'm afraid that MC Swanksta does not daintily frolick through any sunny meadows................sorry to have to put this illusion to rest.

(in reply to Craftsman)

Post #: 17

RE: Holy Shit........I'm An Expert! - 9/2/2006 6:39:49 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Iarn-greiper (Iron gripper) was the name of his glove...I had to look it up.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Craftsman)

Post #: 18

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