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lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 10:27:57 AM   
princesstorture


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/15/2004
Status: offline 		my sub has lost sexual interest. however he still serves me almost 24/7 like serving me, putting on my shoes etc all d daily routine. i did offer him to leave but he want to stay stating that he still care & want this relationship to work. being a sub can anybody advise me is there anyways my sub will try to work his feelings for me again? or do i have to start slowly frm scratch & win his affection over? i love him vy much & do hope things will turn out fine....
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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 10:35:18 AM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline 		Didn't you post this in another section as well?

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A brutally honest reply to your question ... - 1/4/2005 10:35:32 AM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		pt,

Why are you asking strangers questions that you should be asking your sub? Communication is so crucial in any relationship.

Has he lost interest in sex in general, or just interest in sex with you? It may be that he has decided he really isn't a submissive, but doesn't want to end the vanilla aspects of the relation.

If you love him as you say, then you'll talk to him ... Best of luck.

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 10:35:51 AM   
MissP


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		It could well be one of those times where "outside pressures" such as work, family, money worries etc - are affecting your relationship. It could also be "men's problems". He wants to stay and he wants to serve - how about having a "woman to man" talk with him as equals, see if you can't discover the underlying problem

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(in reply to princesstorture)
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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 10:39:19 AM   
princesstorture


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/15/2004
Status: offline 		thank u guys. i am now trying to find ways to making my sub open up to me again. he's not interested in sex or play with me but still he's vy loving towards me. my sub works in a high strung enviornment & being a dom i try to understand his needs too & try not to push him too much. he can get vy sensitive and edgy sometimes due to work stress. i know he's vy much a sub/slave as he's been practising it for more than 10yrs now. can anybody gimme d best suggestion of letting him open up & talk to me again??

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 11:52:58 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Personally I think it would be best to get him on a vacation with you. The outside pressures will be gone and he should open up to you better. Even if it is just a long weekend. Good luck.

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 12:20:32 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		You might also send him to the Doctor to have his Testosterone level checked. Many men experience a decline in the production of that hormone it fail to realise that it effects everything from their sex drive to thier personality and moods and is often easily treatable. I urge all men to get it tested on occasion.

And yes to the vacation, and having some Non-d/s fun times.. bonding times.. and most of all.. Just curl up and talk..

Ms. Eden

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 2:07:17 PM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

can anybody gimme d best suggestion of letting him open up & talk to me again??


pt ... you so missed the point of my first reply. You're asking the wrong people this question. If you care about your relationship, you'll turn your computer off and sit down with him and talk to him about it. He's the only one that has answers to your questions. All we can give are suggestions.

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 6:32:15 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaitresseEden

You might also send him to the Doctor to have his Testosterone level checked. Many men experience a decline in the production of that hormone it fail to realise that it effects everything from their sex drive to thier personality and moods and is often easily treatable. I urge all men to get it tested on occasion.

And yes to the vacation, and having some Non-d/s fun times.. bonding times.. and most of all.. Just curl up and talk..

Ms. Eden


I agree with MaitresseEden. Here is a link that might give you some insight, as told from a man's experience with decrease in testosterone. I found it extreamly informative.

http://www.thislife.org/ and search "Testosterone." (It's the 8/30/02 , episode 220 show)You should be brought to the There was a very good segment (the first part of the entire hour is the one I'm suggesting) that discusses at length what happened to a guy.

Good luck,

Lily

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 6:33:05 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alwayzron

quote:

can anybody gimme d best suggestion of letting him open up & talk to me again??


pt ... you so missed the point of my first reply. You're asking the wrong people this question. If you care about your relationship, you'll turn your computer off and sit down with him and talk to him about it. He's the only one that has answers to your questions. All we can give are suggestions.



Oh, so everyone's wrong and you are the only one right? Interesting....

Lily

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 7:45:21 PM   
njbrian13


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

my sub works in a high strung enviornment ... he can get vy sensitive and edgy sometimes due to work stress


Suggesstions for dealing with stress:
swim - it will tire you out yet refresh you - we all start out swimming
yoga - it is funny how the concentration it requires clears the mind

good luck

(in reply to princesstorture)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 9:07:26 PM   
sterlingsweet


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline 		I don't have personal experience with this, I am a lesbian, but submissive.
I agree with most said here and it could be something to do with hormones, but as I read your post, what came to me first is...

Depression, a lot of stress can cause depression.. a sign being, loosing interest in the things you used to love doing, and also becoming withdrawn, which could account for his not really wanting to talk about it.
But that is really what it has to come down to... An Honest, Open, Compassionate talk, and then figure out what will help.

Good Luck!

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RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/4/2005 11:22:11 PM   
Solaise


Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline 		Have him looked at by a Dr. There could be several reasons for a decline in libidoincluding a decline in testosterone, and thyroid diseases. And I agree - sit him down and talk to him. You need to know the full extent of his lost interest and if there are any other indications that this might be a physical issue. Is he fatigued? Feeling run down? Does he have problems achieving and maintaining an erection? Find out.

Stress is also physical issue. If everything comes back clean, but the arrows all point to stress, there are a multitude of ways to help him learn to cope. These include meditation and deep breathing exercises, muscle relaxation exercises, physical exercise if he is sendentary, and a change in diet. People who work like that often eat improperly (snarfing their food in the car for example) even if they are eating fairly healthy foods. Diet does not just include what you consume, but HOW you consume it.

There are myriad possibilities, but you do need to talk to him to try and ascertain the reason behind the problem in order to truely resolve it.

< Message edited by Solaise -- 1/4/2005 11:23:11 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/17/2005 1:01:01 PM   
pantera


Posts: 210
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline 		I could imagine how painful that could be. I am married, in a regular (v) relationship, but my husband is ALWAYS horny...so I can not imagine lack of interest- HOWEVER...

I could see myself falling in love with a sub guy- (gosh, they're beautiful!!!), and then how can you tell? they are always going to be good to you and obedient...that doesn't mean they are in love with you.... that would suck---


whip him harder! that may work ;) j/k!!!

(in reply to Solaise)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: lost emotions frm sub - 1/17/2005 3:17:00 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Good luck. If talking isn't working have him write you a letter. If he is still affectionate and loving stop pushing sex for awhile and see your disinterest perks his interest. Maybe he needs space to move or is just having a temporary burn out. Without knowing anything about the situation I just have my own ideas.

I think getting a doctor check is an excellent plan too.

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Profile   Post #: 15
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