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Trust - 9/1/2006 6:18:57 PM

mogigo

Posts: 57
Joined: 9/1/2006
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Is part of the process of becoming a slave to be taught to trust that person enough that you will reveal your fantasies, or am I supposed to be confident enough to put them on display.

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RE: Trust - 9/1/2006 8:28:25 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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It's not like we have a crystal ball, or employ the use of a "Monsters Inc"-like fantasy extractor that makes you tell us things!

I think that's a 50/50 split. It's incumbent on the dominant to establish a rapport that involves trust and respect. It's also incumbent upon the slave to evolve into a process where their thoughts become transparent, and what the dominant needs to know about them is voluntarily revealed.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to mogigo)

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RE: Trust - 9/2/2006 1:17:06 AM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Is part of the process of becoming a slave to be taught to trust that person enough that you will reveal your fantasies, or am I supposed to be confident enough to put them on display.

I don't believe you are taught to trust, unless this is a particular issue for you and corrective measures are being employed to restore your ability to do so. The passing of time coupled with honest actions and words and open communication will allow you to develop this things. It isn't uncommon to be squeamish or somewhat hesitant about sharing your fantasies. Rest assured we all are tempted to be silent about our private thoughts.

Practice and a combine feeling of mutual trust and comfort will compel you both to share without reservation. If you have difficulty speaking freely about this subject you could approach it from a different angle by inquiring about or focusing on the thing your dominant enjoys. This will serve as a springboard of sorts for additional dialogue.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to mogigo)

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RE: Trust - 9/2/2006 8:49:31 AM

LadyAlexa

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Is part of the process of becoming a slave to be taught to trust that person enough that you will reveal your fantasies, or am I supposed to be confident enough to put them on display.

I don't believe you can be 'taught' to trust someone, trust comes with time and experience. Sometimes keeping a journal with any ideas of fantasies, scenes, toys you'd like to try or even comments from other subs about what they tried....can make a good reference for when you are with someone you do trust. There is also levels of trust. The total 24/7/356 with your life type where even credit card info is exchanged [this is not the rule] to the level of being tied lightly and played with sensually.

Doms and subs have their own fantasies..... and sometimes LOL the Dom makes them come true for at least themselves if not for both.

_____________________________

Lady Alexa
[amber]

Submission is key not gender.

GLBT approved.

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RE: Trust - 9/2/2006 8:56:46 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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Trust builds up over time usually because a person keeps her word and her actions and words have consistancy. When you first meet someone be honest about what you know you like and dislike and be willing to share some general fantasies. However remember that real life is not a fantasy so by sharing you shouldn't be thinking your putting up a script to be followed.

I think you should expect to hear a general fantasy or two in return. It is an exchange of information afterall and trust must be built on both sides. Expect to share your side first though because some doms (myself included) have learned that if we share first often the other person will change their likes, dislikes, fantasies and needs/desires to match ours and thus they aren't being completely truthful. They might not even know they aren't being as truthful as they could because they feel they have to bend or they feel they must to get a partner.

You'll really do much better if both of you are as honest as possible so you find a good match. The bending and the changing will happen later on as more trust builds.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Trust - 9/2/2006 12:10:49 PM

DivaDuchess

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Joined: 8/17/2006
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You can turn the trust issue into a game ... say ... strip 20 questions. For each question either you or the Dom do not answer, T/they take off an article of clothing. Of course, this would be requesting permission from your Master/Mistress in order to play. State the rules as this is a 'in the past' kind of thing and go from there. It could lead to some fun later and you will learn about Him/Her and they will learn about you. Just My two cents.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: Trust - 9/5/2006 11:17:36 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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I thought about this issue, too, while I was writing down all the stuff important to me. This is how trust applies to my Ms relationships (from my Manual).

This is how I expect trust to be handled by the slave:

"This is a firm belief in the positive and beneficial nature of another person or thing. Once again, trust must be felt by both the Master and slave. So should each being worthy of it.
When you trust me, you will be able to surrender freely. you will learn to trust me as you watch my actions and behavior. Does my word mean something? Do I follow through? Do I break promises? These things are examples of what can develop trust.
I recognize that I cannot force you to trust me. However, should you accept a collar, I expect you to be willing to learn to trust me.
If the trust is broken, unless it’s a deal breaker, you will do your best to work to regain my trust or be found worthy of my trust again."-----

This is how I handle trust:

"As stated before, this is a firm belief in the positive and beneficial nature of another person or thing. Once again, trust must be felt by both the Master and slave. So should each being worthy of it.
When I trust you, I will be able to fulfill my role as Master in your life. I will learn to trust you as I watch your actions and behavior. Are you honest, loyal and obedient? Does your word mean something? Am I reassured that you will not disappear? These things are examples of how my trust is developed.
you cannot force me to trust you. However, should you accept a collar, you can expect me to be willing to take that initial risk that we must all take. Realize that trust is a principle that is constantly assessed in my world and that we will stumble from time to time.
If the trust is broken, unless it’s a deal breaker, I will do my best to work to regain your trust or be found worthy of your trust again."

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Trust - 9/5/2006 12:07:35 PM

Kahri

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Joined: 8/30/2006
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Trust is crucial for any good relationship, and that goes double for a D/s relationship. You aren't going to immediately trust someone enough to share your deepest desires and fantasies, that will come over time as each of you demonstrates your trustworthiness.

On the other hand, I do think you should be able to articulate at least some of your desires at the start of a relationship. How do you wish to be treated? As an adored and pampered plaything? As an object towards which the Dom/me has no particular affection, as if you were inanimate? Some general things that you would like (bondage? Chores? Displayed to others? Whipping? etc) are helpful in starting a relationship moving.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: Trust - 9/5/2006 4:00:15 PM

Contesaluv

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mogigo

Is part of the process of becoming a slave to be taught to trust that person enough that you will reveal your fantasies, or am I supposed to be confident enough to put them on display.

How about you be yourself and if you want to tell her you do and if she's okay with that she'll let you know and if she's not likewise. Let her guide you in how she wants you to interact with her. We could give you our opinions from our point of view but the best thing is to go to the one you're wishing to share your fantasies with.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

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RE: Trust - 9/5/2006 5:31:04 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
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You will know when the time is right to reveal fantasies and innermost thoughts. Trust is built up not instant. As there is no instant-sub/slave pill there is no instant trust pill you can add water to activate.

As you say you are new and learning, always trust your instincts and gut feelings, if it feels right/good just do it is my motto

Owned

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~~in His Chains i am free~~

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