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Suleiman -> RE: D/s and Virginity (1/6/2005 11:43:15 PM)
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Well, hon, my first time was in a BDSM context, and while we never entered into a formalized or long-term relationship, I can honestly say that I am no worse for the wear (aside, perhaps, from being a little jaded in my tastes). Virginity does often have the problems you mentioned - either scaring off prospective dominants because they don't want to deal with the risk that it's just a phase you're going through, or else attracting the blowjob doms who just want the opportunity to be your first - but if this is how you want your first time to be, then by all means go for it.
Really, whether leather or nilla, you should hold off until it feels right. Unfortunately, there is no concrete way to define the rightness of a situation, which is why poets, rather than engineers, are in the business of discussing love. If you find a top, and it feels right, go for it. Personally, I'd suggest finding someone who's willing to play with you in a non-sexual context first, so that you can gauge the rightness of the scene. Obviously, it helps if you're involved in the local community, and can find people to vouch for the character and quality of your prospective dom (but that's true for everybody, really).
I still vividly remember that first date, the little dungeon in his basement, how nervous I was. Being a sub meant that I didn't have to know what I was doing, I didn't have to 'perform' at all - all I had to do was obey. Later, after the scene, when we went to bed, I fell asleep wondering how far we would go, and I decided that I was willing to go as far as he wanted. I can honestly say I have no regrets about that decision.
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