GentleDominantx2
Posts: 34
Joined: 12/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline
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Chances are I'm going to repeat some of the advice given here. There's some good points, which I have seen that I won't bring up again as they could be taken wrong.
I'm writing this as someone who's had experience with both Roles of this lifestyle.
Meeting someone for the first time can be very intimidating for anyone, regardless of lifestyle, gender, or role. Specifically when it comes to life for a submissive. But, I think sometimes Dominants don't express their own concerns and worries. It puts Dominants in a position where submissives sometimes feel very centred out and alone.
Sometimes simple communication makes a submissive feel more at ease. Being Dominant does not cast aside nervousness, doubts, and worries. Most often I think you'll find that both share the same feelings.
Regardless of the labels, people are people. Relationships are relationships, sometimes we put much too much pressure on ourselves and lose sight of that very fact.
As for meeting a submissive for the first time. Sometimes the simplest things are the best things. Generally as submissive you're looking for someone who can understand and address your concerns in a manner that is not degrading. It's often times difficult to speak your mind because as submissive you're taught (or assume) you can not speak your mind, and you do not want to appear needy.
Give them all the information you possibly can, and do so patiently. Remember information is power. Most times a submissive is going to be shy, perhaps withdrawn, and unsure of themselves until they learn your methods.
Tell where you will be meeting and when, for how long you will be there. Offer them open options, so if they are uncomfortable (or you are) they may leave without offending. Either arrive before they do, reserve a table or deal with the waiter yourself. Know what you'd like ahead of time, and if you are paying perhaps even set a limit as to what you'd like to spend. If possible you could even ask them ahead of time what they like eat/drink and order for them. I even go so far as to discuss ahead of time what topics I am comfortable with, and what I may not be. So I am not felt put on the spot and sputter or babble foolishly.
Most of these things are trivial at the beginning of a relationship and should not be the focus. One should not expect a submissive to know all of these things. Be patient and understand they are extremely overwhelmed and the more you can ease the burden the easier it is to build a foundation towards what really matters.
Most submissives will learn by example the little things. What area of a restaurant you prefer, how you take your coffee, what foods you prefer etc. Give them a chance to learn before you expect them to handle such responsibilities.
Remember this is about Guidance. One can not snap their fingers and expect the other to know what they want. That often takes years.
I won't address much the offline/online differences but I will put in my personal opinion here.
If I were going to consider meeting a Dominant, that I first spoke with online. It certainly wouldn't be until AFTER I know more about them. Having a phone number, and other general information about their life is one of the FIRST things. If I can't trust you with my phone number and vice verse, I really shouldn't be meeting you. This to me is a red flag, thus there's reason to be nervous.
I perfectly understand the need to be discreet and safe, I (literally) wrote the article on safecalls and such. But there are safe ways to do things. Buy a webcam, and a computer microphone for example. It's cheap and very effective in starting to build trust.
I won't comment on age or whatnot, since I was VERY young when I entered this lifestyle.
The most comfortable meeting I ever had with a Dominant was a very simple get together. He reminded me that we were just two people trying to get to know each other. He arranged the time we were going to meet, and where. He ordered my meal for me so price and decisions weren't available for me to trip over. And if I recall correctly, lifestyle was not even brought up at all. Just his wonderful comforting smile, the touch of his hand on mine and a comfortable meal is what stands out. Suffice to say..I called him the next day.
One last thing...Do everything you possibly can to put yourself and your guest at ease. Very rarely is there going to be a second meeting with someone who's very intimidating and expects too much.
Sincerely,
Silvermoon
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RE: Uncertain Sub?? - 
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