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darkinshadows -> .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 6:54:17 AM)
These questions arises after a discussion on the subject of equality I had with someone (yes I know there are equality threads - but I really want to know gut reactions as of now) The questions - If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)? Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type? If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal? Switches - is equality important in your relationships? Thanks in advance. Peace and Rapture

mistoferin -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 6:58:17 AM)
A relationship where I was viewed as "less" would not be a workable relationship for me. Now that is not to say that I expect or want a dynamic of equal power or control...I don't. But as a human being...yes...I want to be seen as equal.

mnottertail -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 6:58:57 AM)
My standard answer is that there is no equal, but there is equitable. I change 100% of the car tires and oil, you clean 100% of the house. You do 80% of the cooking, I do 20%. You have 100% of the big tits. I have 100% of the cock that is distributable. You give 100% of the blowjobs, I get 100% of them. It comes to a 50-50 deal in there somewhere. Ron

darkinshadows -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:02:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin A relationship where I was viewed as "less" would not be a workable relationship for me. Now that is not to say that I expect or want a dynamic of equal power or control...I don't. But as a human being...yes...I want to be seen as equal. Thanks for the answer erin. But I do want to make it clear - which I should of in the original question... I am not speaking about being viewed as less - I do not equate inequality with being viewed as less of a person. I am speaking of being equals in everything within a Ds / Ms relationship. Being less or more isn't part of the question - if that makes sense? Peace and Rapture

MistressWolfen -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:05:00 AM)
laughs and laughs at the clever Ron. 1) Yes..kinda sorta maybe, as Ron says it is equitable. 2) No, the opposite as I am attracted to submissive people and yes to the point of "love". 3) N/A 4) N/A

SusanofO -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:05:09 AM)
I don't care if I am viewed as equal. In fact, I was sort of taking for granted I would not be, given the connotations of the words Dominant and submissive. I hope to be (eventually) loved and (usually) valued and appreciated by a Dominant. However they express that appreciation, as long as I know I am being pleasing, and they can let me know that, I will feel valued and appreciated - that is what I'd look for as far as "reinforcement". On the other hand, a bunch of flowers, or a sweet note, or some such sweet gesture of appreciation every once in awhile doesn't hurt. - Susan

Jasmyn -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:10:39 AM)
The submissive personality will never by my equal ..but the person might be... or he may not ...

mstrjx -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:15:31 AM)
Dominants and submissives are necessary pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of their relationship. Proportion really doesn't matter. Without the other, what is the one? Love is certainly possible, and for some it is certainly the goal. I would like that, but I can see where it might not always happen in an otherwise thriving relationship. Just my take on this. Jeff

LaTigresse -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:28:12 AM)
I don't want a submissive woman in my life unless I love her. As far as equality, that depends on each persons definition I think. Equally important, yes.... equally in control of daily life within the relationship, no.

Sunshine119 -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:28:33 AM)
Dark.....there is nothing approaching equality in this life. We have a constitution that says "All men are created equal", yet people are born with different abilities, intellegences, propensity to illnesses, etc. If all humans are created equal, why aren't we all Bill Gates? No, equality is a myth. A nice utopian myth, but a myth all the same. I am just as intelligent as my Dominant. I don't make as much money as he does (again, women make less on average....no equality there). But, I have my submissiveness to offer and he has his dominance. When I offer to give him power, making me powerless, he offers to protect me and sheild me with his own (and mine) combined. I offer myself to him and he is now responsible for not only himself, but me as well. It is amazing how organized I have become with him directing me. I have become better because he has used the power I have given him to help me become better. Are we equals in this relationship? No. But there is equity. I give, he takes. He gives, I take. Somewhere in this equation, all of our needs are being met. I believe love is a natural extension of this equation. The Dominant recognizes that he/she would not be who they are without the power offered by the submissive. We are not complete without the offering of power. When a relationship is this close and intense, I believe, (and I could just be looking at this through my own relationship which includes love) love is a natural outgrowth. Sunshine

Homestead -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:31:49 AM)
Equal means a girl can keep up with me. The levels of authority are skewed in my favor. Love comes in many flavors, and is always desireable.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:53:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)? Despite you using the word "personality" which isn't the word or term I use, I'll go with it. I see other people equal in terms of everything BUT authority. In an authority transfer relationship, one person has authority, the other does not. In all other ways "equality" exists. The reality is that no person is "exactly alike" to another, and therefore cannot become "equated" like a pint to a pound can. But they are equal in terms of consent and working together to form a healthy relationship. quote: Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type? I don't, but some do. quote: If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal? I get into a relationship where my effort and consent are respected equally to everyone else. quote: Switches - is equality important in your relationships? Nope, it's not really a concept I consider in any of my relationships.

ImpGrrl -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 7:56:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows These questions arises after a discussion on the subject of equality I had with someone (yes I know there are equality threads - but I really want to know gut reactions as of now) The questions - If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)? Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type? If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal? Switches - is equality important in your relationships? Thanks in advance. Peace and Rapture The only inequality I have in my relationship is the authority. Which translates to all other aspects of my life. Sir and I are equal as human beings. We have equal worth. Etc. But within the relationship, if we were "equal in all things", there'd be no d/s. Heather

Lashra -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 8:21:23 AM)
I see everyone as equal regardless of gender, color, sexual orientation. We are all human beings with our positives and negatives, no one is perfect and anyone who believes that they are, is just deluding themselves. But when it comes to authority, I am definitely the one in charge and I won't have it any other way. ~Lashra

stockingluvr54 -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 8:23:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows These questions arises after a discussion on the subject of equality I had with someone (yes I know there are equality threads - but I really want to know gut reactions as of now) The questions - If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)? Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type? If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal? Switches - is equality important in your relationships? Thanks in advance. Peace and Rapture In regards to all 4 questions.....I would surely hope so....as long as the lines have been drawn from the beginning.......

darkinshadows -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 8:46:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)? Despite you using the word "personality" which isn't the word or term I use, I'll go with it. Yes Em, your right, it was a crap word to use. Let change 'personality' to something else - attribute? Type? hmmm... yes, lets go with 'type' Peace and Rapture

losttreasure -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 9:13:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunshine119 Dark.....there is nothing approaching equality in this life. We have a constitution that says "All men are created equal", yet people are born with different abilities, intellegences, propensity to illnesses, etc. If all humans are created equal, why aren't we all Bill Gates? No, equality is a myth. A nice utopian myth, but a myth all the same. I am just as intelligent as my Dominant. I don't make as much money as he does (again, women make less on average....no equality there). But, I have my submissiveness to offer and he has his dominance. When I offer to give him power, making me powerless, he offers to protect me and sheild me with his own (and mine) combined. I offer myself to him and he is now responsible for not only himself, but me as well. It is amazing how organized I have become with him directing me. I have become better because he has used the power I have given him to help me become better. Are we equals in this relationship? No. But there is equity. I give, he takes. He gives, I take. Somewhere in this equation, all of our needs are being met. I believe love is a natural extension of this equation. The Dominant recognizes that he/she would not be who they are without the power offered by the submissive. We are not complete without the offering of power. When a relationship is this close and intense, I believe, (and I could just be looking at this through my own relationship which includes love) love is a natural outgrowth. Sunshine applauds Beautifully said. I agree almost completely except that for me, love comes first; it provides the foundation from which my submission grows.

Mavis -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 9:14:56 AM)
W/we're equal. But somehow, They are just a bit MORE equal.. Honestly though, i have a hard time with that concept. i know in my mind W/we have the same amount of base in the relationship... but if i let that fact get foremost in my mind, i'll start coming out of place and skew the structure. Even if it's not true, i have to work from the mindset that i am NOt an equal, or i start acting like i am more... something. i usually see the slide to friction when i start interacting as a peer, and from there i just jump up and if the Hims don't catch me on it right away, i'll be all out of place until i'm so out of wack i loose my base.. i become less because i thought i was more. does that make sense?

Estring -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 9:52:08 AM)
I do consider my slave an equal to me. She has chosen to submit to me in all areas, but that doesn't make her any less of a person for doing so. As for love, I have to love my slave. With the degree of intimacy and trust that is involved in an M/s relationship, I have to love my slave to be able to give that much of myself.

popeye1250 -> RE: .equalityandlove. (9/3/2006 10:09:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail My standard answer is that there is no equal, but there is equitable. I change 100% of the car tires and oil, you clean 100% of the house. You do 80% of the cooking, I do 20%. You have 100% of the big tits. I have 100% of the cock that is distributable. You give 100% of the blowjobs, I get 100% of them. It comes to a 50-50 deal in there somewhere. Ron LOL Ron! Well, in the Total Power Exchange relationship of M/s of course the sub/slave is not "equal" but is, none the less an integral part of that relationship. They are not "equal" in that they "serve" and exist to please their Dom/me. The Dom/me however protects and takes care of them. Could a Dom/me love- fall in love with their sub/slave? Of course! If I had a live-in sub I would certainly hope that we could fall in love with each other. Just because she's a sub/slave that doesn't mean that a Dom "can't" fall in love with her.

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