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My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/3/2006 1:56:39 PM

Thundermystic

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Joined: 8/26/2006
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Hi, this is my first post on these boards. I am a lesbian, and primarly interested in Domme. I have alot of questions, and lots of things to learn. I have spent alot of time researching BDSM and I am taking it really slow. I have joined a local group, which has taken me under their wing quite nicely. So forgive me for me for being a newbie, hehe.

My first experience with BDSM has be quite recently. I have played "rough" in bed before, but I havent truely had an open, learning, loving experience until last month. My mentor(s) were wonderful, and I miss them terribly. (they live out of state). I had the pleasure to experience my first flogging, albeit quite tame. I was able to hit some point in subspace which I had never been to before. My mentor, who I will call L, took such care of me during this time. She showed me their "toy box", allowed me to touch and experiment with several items without a scene, so no pressure from either of us. During this time tho, I felt compelled to submit to her, to do whatever she would want me to do. I found myself bringing her water in the morning before she woke up, making her bed, opening her doors, just wanting to serve her. I cannot explain how I felt, other than completely comfortable trusting her with my soul. (that sounds weird, but i cant think of what else to call it). We were not sexually intimate, but it was probably the most intense non-sexual experience I have had with anyone. And as a good girl, I took care of things after the play time was over.

Anyway, this is my problem. Maybe you could compare it to your first love, or first best friend, or what have you. But its almost like she has set the mark that I want others to obtain. Loving, caring, soft, strong, intelligent, funny, and someone I can trust with every ounce of my being. I feel like Im going to set myself up to always be looking for her in every Domme I am with in the future. And that surely cant be fair to me or whomever I am with in the future.

I am a lesbian, and L is straight. She is happily married, and does not see a long term relationship with me in any other respect than just friends. Which is fine. But I just cant get my first experience out of my mind. She is my first, and I am not sure if I will ever feel what I did for her again.

Any comments are appreciated. How did you deal with someones first time? How did you deal with your own?

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/3/2006 4:08:53 PM

ladylexington

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Thundermystic

But its almost like she has set the mark that I want others to obtain. Loving, caring, soft, strong, intelligent, funny, and someone I can trust with every ounce of my being. I feel like Im going to set myself up to always be looking for her in every Domme I am with in the future. And that surely cant be fair to me or whomever I am with in the future.

You're right, you may miss some great opportunities by directly comparing potential Dommes to her. But, it sounds like you identified some key requirements for future relationships (loving, caring, soft, strong, etc.). That's a good start.

Long before I picked up a whip, I subbed to a Domme for years, so I can relate to the feelings you've expressed. It was an incredible experience, full of intense emotions. In time, the intensity of those feelings will mellow, and you'll be ready to establish a more long-term BDSM relationship.

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/4/2006 7:48:39 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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It is probably impossible to not compare people -- vanilla sex or BDSM or simply as friends and co-workers. Comparing is part of how our minds understand the world. Over time though "firsts" fade as we have more and more experiences.

Never ever tell another partner that you are comparing them -- such bad form and almost a guareentee of a breakup.

For yourself I'd recommend spending time as you did with a mentor with several other people. Play with different people and get to know yourself and other styles of interaction this way. This knowledge then will be a great benefit when you look for other dominants and tops.

Second try to focus on the here and now when you are with a person. If you find your mind wandering to a comparison, stop and silently or out loud tell yourself that right now you are submitting to or serving this person.

How this helps a bit.

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/4/2006 12:25:44 PM

Contesaluv

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Joined: 3/11/2006
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Gosh you're just too cute for words! Oh wait I just used words to say how cute you are so I guess that's not true. Oh well. To the point at hand.

It's great when you have chemistry with someone and it sounds like that's what you had with L. That she was your first and you had chemistry definitely compounds the emotions left after things have shifted toward an undesired route. However, it does sound like this experience has helped you calibrate your compass so that when you set out on the road again you'll be heading in the right direction and will know not to settle for things that aren't in line with what you now know you like. It's all part of the process of evolving in this lifestyle and I'm sure you'll have many more memorable experiences.

Truly wishing you the best in D/s.

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It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/5/2006 12:20:23 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
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Every first is special and each leaves an impression, be that good or bad. Cherish the relationship and look at what you can learn from it. It sounds like there were a lot of things that went right. What were they? And yes, it's perfectly ok to use these things as a standard when looking for your next relationship. you do not have to settle.

Master Fire

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