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My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/3/2006 2:02:29 PM

Thundermystic

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

Crossposting from the "Ask a Mistress" forums. (please forgive me if this is inappropriate)

Hi, this is my first post on these boards. I am a lesbian, and primarly interested in Domme. I have alot of questions, and lots of things to learn. I have spent alot of time researching BDSM and I am taking it really slow. I have joined a local group, which has taken me under their wing quite nicely. So forgive me for me for being a newbie, hehe.

My first experience with BDSM has be quite recently. I have played "rough" in bed before, but I havent truely had an open, learning, loving experience until last month. My mentor(s) were wonderful, and I miss them terribly. (they live out of state). I had the pleasure to experience my first flogging, albeit quite tame. I was able to hit some point in subspace which I had never been to before. My mentor, who I will call L, took such care of me during this time. She showed me their "toy box", allowed me to touch and experiment with several items without a scene, so no pressure from either of us. During this time tho, I felt compelled to submit to her, to do whatever she would want me to do. I found myself bringing her water in the morning before she woke up, making her bed, opening her doors, just wanting to serve her. I cannot explain how I felt, other than completely comfortable trusting her with my soul. (that sounds weird, but i cant think of what else to call it). We were not sexually intimate, but it was probably the most intense non-sexual experience I have had with anyone. And as a good girl, I took care of things after the play time was over.

Anyway, this is my problem. Maybe you could compare it to your first love, or first best friend, or what have you. But its almost like she has set the mark that I want others to obtain. Loving, caring, soft, strong, intelligent, funny, and someone I can trust with every ounce of my being. I feel like Im going to set myself up to always be looking for her in every Domme I am with in the future. And that surely cant be fair to me or whomever I am with in the future.

I am a lesbian, and L is straight. She is happily married, and does not see a long term relationship with me in any other respect than just friends. Which is fine. But I just cant get my first experience out of my mind. She is my first, and I am not sure if I will ever feel what I did for her again.

Any comments are appreciated. How did you deal with someones first time? How did you deal with your own?

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/3/2006 3:44:59 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

Well, first off, welcome!
I am still in my first time, so I can't really tell you how that will pan out for me, and I also started in a vanilla relationship and kind of transitioned into D/s from there, so there are quite a few differences between my own experiences and what you are asking about.
There are a few recommendations I have for you, though. The first one is to sit down and list out, written or otherwise, the qualities about this Domme you learned from that made you feel so eager to submit to her. Looking for the same person, as you said, is not fair. Looking for someone that has many of the same qualities who you feel a strong connection with, however, is. Know what it is you need in another person to feel right in your submission, and don't settle for someone who doesn't do it for you. Also keep in mind what it is you enjoyed about serving the Domme you learned from, and keep that in mind, too.
As for being on your own now, take heart in the fact that unlike many others, you had a wonderful first experience and most likely walked away with a great deal more knowledge than if you had not had it. Continue to better yourself in whatever ways you can (keep learning!), and take pride in the fact that you are working on skills that can please your future Domme.
Hope this helps, and best of luck.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to Thundermystic)

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Post #: 2

RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/3/2006 8:10:53 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

The first time is always memorable. L will always have a special in your heart. Don't try to compare future sessions with others to this one, it will only make you frustrated. Learn and grow in your journey, take what you have from the first experience and grow from it. Things will only get better. Good luck to you.

(in reply to Thundermystic)

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Post #: 3

RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/6/2006 2:09:14 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thundermystic

Crossposting from the "Ask a Mistress" forums. (please forgive me if this is inappropriate)

Hi, this is my first post on these boards. I am a lesbian, and primarly interested in Domme. I have alot of questions, and lots of things to learn. I have spent alot of time researching BDSM and I am taking it really slow. I have joined a local group, which has taken me under their wing quite nicely. So forgive me for me for being a newbie, hehe.

My first experience with BDSM has be quite recently. I have played "rough" in bed before, but I havent truely had an open, learning, loving experience until last month. My mentor(s) were wonderful, and I miss them terribly. (they live out of state). I had the pleasure to experience my first flogging, albeit quite tame. I was able to hit some point in subspace which I had never been to before. My mentor, who I will call L, took such care of me during this time. She showed me their "toy box", allowed me to touch and experiment with several items without a scene, so no pressure from either of us. During this time tho, I felt compelled to submit to her, to do whatever she would want me to do. I found myself bringing her water in the morning before she woke up, making her bed, opening her doors, just wanting to serve her. I cannot explain how I felt, other than completely comfortable trusting her with my soul. (that sounds weird, but i cant think of what else to call it). We were not sexually intimate, but it was probably the most intense non-sexual experience I have had with anyone. And as a good girl, I took care of things after the play time was over.

Anyway, this is my problem. Maybe you could compare it to your first love, or first best friend, or what have you. But its almost like she has set the mark that I want others to obtain. Loving, caring, soft, strong, intelligent, funny, and someone I can trust with every ounce of my being. I feel like Im going to set myself up to always be looking for her in every Domme I am with in the future. And that surely cant be fair to me or whomever I am with in the future.

I am a lesbian, and L is straight. She is happily married, and does not see a long term relationship with me in any other respect than just friends. Which is fine. But I just cant get my first experience out of my mind. She is my first, and I am not sure if I will ever feel what I did for her again.

Any comments are appreciated. How did you deal with someones first time? How did you deal with your own?

Why should you try to get it out of your mind?

You have a bench-mark that was positive for you..........that a terribly good thing. You know the things that made you feel satisfied and happy. You have a head-start.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to Thundermystic)

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Post #: 4

RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/6/2006 7:49:28 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I can only say you will never duplicate any experience no matter what it is. Every experience is different and unique. I would suggest you not even try to do this and enjoy each and every experience and what it has to offer because otherwise you may lose out on the beauty that each and every encounter we have with another. I try not to compare people or sexual experiences as superior or inferior, they are all just what they are. I have had some beautiful subspacey moments with D/s, subspace is never the same twice for me, and I cannot "attain" the same moment again... but I can enjoy each one for what it offers me...just some thoughts

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(in reply to Thundermystic)

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/6/2006 9:48:20 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thundermystic
I am a lesbian, and L is straight. She is happily married, and does not see a long term relationship with me in any other respect than just friends. Which is fine. But I just cant get my first experience out of my mind. She is my first, and I am not sure if I will ever feel what I did for her again.

She was your first friend. How was she your first? Why should you forget your friend?
When you do actually find your first you will go much further with her. What L has done is given you the tool's and ideas of what you are seeking in your own life.
L was your friend and your teacher and many times we get carried away and make things feel as though they are much more in our own heads.
It doesn't mean that it was.
Imagine L but with all the add on's so to speak. L with the intimacy. L wanting to be with only you.
That is when you will have your first experience.
Cherish the friendship you have with her. When you do have your first tell her about it she will want all the details.

(in reply to Thundermystic)

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/6/2006 9:51:19 AM

kitty2MLoneWolf

Posts: 149
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

Waiting for LA to post all her links for subfrenzy..

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used to be jessieme but I got a life <grin>

Dont worry about what other people think....they dont do it very often!

(in reply to sub4hire)

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/7/2006 10:09:11 PM

carrie62

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Status: offline

I think for all of us this lifestyle starts out as being a fantasy, it isn't until we get that first experience that we can start to form opinions about what we truely want and need. As time goes on those change as well. You were very lucky to find someone who was able to give you such a positive experience for your first time. Now you have a better idea of what qualities you would like to find in a Mistress. That doesn't mean she has to be a carbon copy of L. If there is one thing I have learned is just be patient, the right one will come along. Good luck to you.

(in reply to kitty2MLoneWolf)

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RE: My first experience and hard to duplicate - 9/7/2006 11:42:35 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

You are 36 and a lesbian ... I will assume you are okay with being gay. Now you have ventured into BDSM.

You fell for someone you can't have. Good for you that you met a wonderful person, bad for you that you wish it could be more.

It's still good if you accept it for what it is rather than trying to make it what you want.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Thundermystic)

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Post #: 9