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Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 4:28:37 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Some people believe there is an unspoken rule that a man should not date his male buddy's ex - not his ex-girlfriend, not his ex-fiance nor especially his ex-wife. If a man really wants to date his buddy's ex the protocol is to ask permission in order to make sure there isn't any unfinished business and to make sure there will be no hard feelings or weird jealousy issues.

For the moment, assume the above is true. Does such an unspoken rule exist among women to follow a similar course of behavior regarding the exs of their female friends?

Lastly, do you think these rules actually don't exist and that everyone is fair game? In other words that the above rules are false and exist only in the mind of a person that views him/herself as having been wronged?

Of course it goes without saying that the most likely people to screw you over are those that are close to you. Let's face it, if a stranger screws you over you don't feel screwed over by them because strangers never enter into your circle of trust to begin with.

BTW, I am told that women will lie about this subject and that they are ruthless in matters romantic in a way men will simply never understand. And of course, there is the pretense that women are made of sugar and spice and everything nice (for me personally this image died the first time I heard women discuss men when they thought it went unheard by others).

< Message edited by Chaingang -- 9/3/2006 4:29:45 PM >

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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 4:49:15 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		If a girlfriend likes a guy, tells you all about how great he is and then introduces you both. You then find out he is interested in you and you think he really is great.

You have to make a choice a) go out with the guy and lose your girlfriend as a friend
                                         b) turn him down, lose out on romance but keep your girlfriend

I have done both a and b. Doing choice b made me feel way better about myself and if you want to learn from my experience it is the choice to make every time.

(in reply to Chaingang)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 5:01:15 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang
For the moment, assume the above is true. Does such an unspoken rule exist among women to follow a similar course of behavior regarding the exs of their female friends?


I am not sure if an unspoken rule exists or not, but I would certainly respect the feelings of a Woman I considered a friend.  More than likely, if she were a good friend, I would be intimately familiar with the reasons for the breakup, so the guy probably wouldn't appeal to Me anyway.  If for some reason he did, I would certainly bring it up with her and make sure there wasn't any unfinished business or hard feelings about My seeing her ex. 
 
Several years ago, a female friend of Mine admitted that she was attracted to an ex-boyfriend of Mine and asked if I minded her pursuing her interest in him.  I told her I didn't mind, though I seriously doubted things would work out between them because he had primary custody of a small daughter, and she has even less of a maternal instinct than I do.  As it turned out, things didn't go well, but I very much appreciated her asking Me before she acted on her interest in My ex-boyfriend.
 
I have also found it wise to check with a submissive's former Mistress for Her take on a "break-up" before agreeing to consider him.  In a few cases, the submissive had a different perspective on where things stood than the Domme did.  One told Me he had been released by his Mistress and was available.  I checked with Her to confirm, and that was the first she'd heard of it.  She said he had displeased Her, but She certainly had not released him. 
 
Lady Topaz 


< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 9/3/2006 5:02:54 PM >

(in reply to Chaingang)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 5:10:00 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Lets see.  I introduced my ex to his girlfriend, with the intention of them getting together. Then again, I know i am wierd.
But I have heard these rules, and the same for women as well.  I dont believe tey are actual rules, but I do think it is a bad idea to date a freinds ex, especially if i know the situation and i know why they are exs.  It causes more trouble than it is usualy worth.

DV 

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VampiresLair

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 5:32:56 PM   
LeMis


Posts: 9255
Joined: 9/24/2005
From: Florida
Status: offline 		I read something about this a month or two ago...
"never date a friend's ex" was what I read into the article.
I think it was Cosmo.




(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 8:30:41 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		I've been in such situations.  Not too long ago, one of the men that my girlfriend had dated asked me out.  Even though I had a little bit of an attraction to him, there was no way, I would cross that line.  Rule or no rule, I honor my friendships and I want to keep them more than I wish for making a romanctic connection. 

If some friends are okay with the idea of dating exes of friends, as long a protocal is followed of clearing it with each other, then, that's seems fine to me if it works for the parties involved.  It probably only works if all feelings, good or bad are out of the friends system or if the friend just wasn't all that into the ex to begin with.  But then again, what some people consider friendship is questionable anyway and I do know that women in my circle of
acquaintances have crossed that line with friends never blinking an eye and at times quite ruthlessly.  Women most certainly aren't all sugar and spice.  Spicy maybe   Just like men, some you can trust, some you best not.

< Message edited by RosaB -- 9/3/2006 8:32:59 PM >

(in reply to LeMis)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 10:02:27 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang
For the moment, assume the above is true. Does such an unspoken rule exist among women to follow a similar course of behavior regarding the exs of their female friends?


Thing is, I find that when a friend of mine breaks up with a guy (boyfriend, fiancee or husband) by the time it gets to that point I've already heard about every single one of his dozens of faults (physical, emotional and psychological) that the idea of dating him is wholly unappealing. Pretty effective way to keep your friends from dating your ex, eh?


(in reply to Chaingang)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 10:21:50 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		To me what two consenting adults do isn't anyones business. My rule is this I don't date anyone who is dating one of my friends. Now if they break up and if I connect with him then we can do our thing. I feel the same way about a man who break up with a woman, shes available to go out with whoever she wants and that would includes his friends.

I have never had this happen because usually if my friends didnt want him then it meant I wouldnt find him attractive either.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to RosaB)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/3/2006 11:29:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's generally better to always not make things messy and complicate when unnecessary.

But mature people can deal with anything if they want to- the problem is that very few people are mature or really want to make it work.  And frankly, trying to stop someone from being in a relationship they feel they should be in is usually just wasted energy to begin with.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/4/2006 12:54:51 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I don't like those potentially messy situations. Therefore, I don't date anyone who has ever been involved with any of my girlfriends, nor will I date those related to my girlfriends.

The funny thing is that every time an ex gets involved with someone they tend to end up becoming my friend.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/4/2006 3:03:37 AM   
MistressTexas


Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		For the most part, I feel that I've gotten my exes out of my life for a reason, and I don't need my "friends" shoving them back in my face. There is an exception to every rule though.. I started hanging out with an ex again, and we got to be great friends, so when one of my friends asked to date him, I was all for it. The other end of the spectrum being an ex of mine who got his sorry ass dumped for being abusive on several levels. One of my closest friends began dating him, knowing what he had done to me, and with no regards to my feelings, brought him along to an "all-girl" weekend. I was pissed, considering I have panic attacks whenever he's around, and my "friend" paid no mind. I don't talk to her anymore, not only because shes dating an ex, but because she had such a blatant disregard for my mental health.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/4/2006 6:00:42 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		In the past, i have had this discussion with girlfriends before.  If they were a good fuck, then yeah, i may have hooked up with them.  That would have been the only reason though....they weren't worth anything more than that.  >smirks<

~smilezz~

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(in reply to Chaingang)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/4/2006 9:44:17 AM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

Some people believe there is an unspoken rule that a man should not date his male buddy's ex - not his ex-girlfriend, not his ex-fiance nor especially his ex-wife. If a man really wants to date his buddy's ex the protocol is to ask permission in order to make sure there isn't any unfinished business and to make sure there will be no hard feelings or weird jealousy issues.

For the moment, assume the above is true. Does such an unspoken rule exist among women to follow a similar course of behavior regarding the exs of their female friends?

Lastly, do you think these rules actually don't exist and that everyone is fair game? In other words that the above rules are false and exist only in the mind of a person that views him/herself as having been wronged?

Of course it goes without saying that the most likely people to screw you over are those that are close to you. Let's face it, if a stranger screws you over you don't feel screwed over by them because strangers never enter into your circle of trust to begin with.

BTW, I am told that women will lie about this subject and that they are ruthless in matters romantic in a way men will simply never understand. And of course, there is the pretense that women are made of sugar and spice and everything nice (for me personally this image died the first time I heard women discuss men when they thought it went unheard by others).


Within a circle of close friends, I think it's very bad business to date ex-spouses or ex-significent others.
However, I think this is acceptable within a circle of casual acquaintences.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/4/2006 10:04:25 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		deleted...just because it made me feel bitchy...

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 9/4/2006 10:50:10 AM >

(in reply to subfever)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/4/2006 10:30:35 AM   
WhiplashGirlChld


Posts: 78
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		I had to ponder this a bit.  On the surface, I think such rules are poppycock.  Then I had to consider when I might be hurt by a friend dating an ex.  For me, it comes down to how hurtful and damaging the relationship with the ex was.  But casual lovers I have had where the "break-up" was basically friendly - I would be happy for some of my friends to date them.  I only have one "ex" for whom I have any animosity.  I am still friendly with many people I have dated.  I don't own them.  They don't own me.  We're all adults.

_____________________________

The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!" - Lear

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Men's vs Women's Dating Rules - 9/4/2006 11:46:51 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		It's a matter of personality isn't it - I know men and women who would have a crack at anyone - husbands, wives, grandads you name it and for them the game really is not over until they're under the sheets - they give no favours and expect no favours. For others, there is a code that you don't shit on your mates. A matter of personal taste really rather than gender. I reckon when it gets down to the nitty gritty 20% wouldn't let you down but 80% would not only let you down they'd steal your cock when you weren't looking for use during the dirty deed. All part of the learning process.

Regards

(in reply to WhiplashGirlChld)
Profile   Post #: 16
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