ShadeDiva
Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
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quote:
don't "flow" with the pain when I bottom. I'm an animal. I yell and scream and curse (very loudly). Totally defiant. I remember one scene with a mountain of a man when I screamed "FUUUUUCK" and he said "Yeah? Well FUCK YOU TOO" and that set the tone for much of the rest of the scene.
I do NOT heal quickly. I don't bottom often, sometimes letting years go by between sessions and I have a theory that regular play is what enables us to heal quickly. It goes to training the endorphins to start moving before the real beating has begun (some people start getting an endorphin buzz just knowing they're going to play - I am not one of those). I don't experience the seratonin type of endorphins when I play. It's the chatecholamines all the way. Adrenaline and the like. When I do bottom it usually takes as much as a month for me to heal.
I dont flow with it - I change it. Just if I can keep up with what Im being given somehow it doesnt translate into damage and my body just absorbs it. Its a very conscious thing. When I'm channeling it and doing it right I'm changing how my nerves relay the sensation or how my brain interpretes the signals - I have never fully determined exactly which it is, as it is something I do with both the nerves and the recepters in my brain as far as I've been able to figure it out - though I think it most likely is a combination of both. I haven;t yet met someone that seems to be able to do that but I keep hoping as I think I'd gain some insight from someone else that does that as well.
Now if I am not able to process and I'm experienceing the pain as actual pain (and yes since Ray is sadistic, there are times he either tells me to NOT change it, or makes it realllllllly difficult to manage) then I'm exactly as you say, pure unadulterated animal -mostly cuz he will be playing pretty heavy, the less heavy stuff doesn't bring our my agreesive - you want a piece of me streak like heavy pain does if I'm not controlling how I perceive it. Im pretty sure I've gone into why we don't play in public often on a few threads in here and its for that reason I will cuss him out, and there are times that he knows if he hits that right combination I better be restrained or he better be ready to take me down or have others take me down cuz I'm coming after him or whatever is striking me. LOL. He's burly enough (he's something of a mountain of a man himself, very solid, and has HUGE freaking arms he's a little tank I swear lol) that he can usually handle that even when I catch him by surprise which doesn't really happen anymore, he knows when I'm about to try to take that fuckinggoddamnevilnastyhideousmotherfuckingtoy from him and do... oh god knows what with it, all I know is I'm trying to do *something* lol, he's never lasped to the point that he allowed me to get to that point. That being said, he *knows* what will bring me to that point and what won't and if he brings me to that point its cuz he wants to see it, and enjoys playing with that wild part of me, that would most likely scare most people it see it that raw and unmasked. Though sadists just seem to get this ungodly devilish little gleam glowing from their eyes when they see that for some odd and fully bizarre reason LOL!
Generally speaking, if I'm not cussing up a storm, or delivering a blow by blow commentary or running banter, I'm laughing my ass off in peal after peal of laughter consisting of varying laughs from guffaws to titters to every laugh in between generally at the top of my lungs and ah well, I got me some BIG ASS lungs LOL.
We don't play all that frequently, unfortunately. Due to the way we play and the intensity level we play at and the sheer amount of energy we generate as well as my laughing and our volume (from my big lungs to the sound of him going full tilt, big arms, huge flogger, makes for a lot of volume) we can't play at home (we actually have gotten compliants so that's out, not even a good long spanking, and his hand hitting my ass is loud enough to actually scare our neighbors eben with a stereo on full lol), and we can't play like that in public venues unless its appropriate and private parties have to be with those that can handle seeing it or hearing it. We've had submissives literally freak out and crumble just on the sound of his impacts on my back with his hand, toy, whatever is being used because just the intensity of the sound of the impact and the vibrations it sends out is so strong it literally scared them to pieces. So we have to be very careful and as a result, play isn't often - we have to make sure the folks know us and our style and can stomach it or we do something really light that won't be always as satisfying for us but at least will be something.
Add into the fact that its difficult for me to get into a submissive or bottom mindset - and well - it sorta means play is a rare thing.
As for preparing to play having an effect you might be correct on that, not sure. For me what seems to determine if I keep a bruise or a welt rather than absorbing it is whether or not I can effectively channel and change the sensation at the point of impact. If he catches me off guard and lands in a good one that I can't process fast enough, *that* will be the one place that has a mark that has any staying power, whereas all the others will go.
I can look at my body afterward and go yup, that one I wasn't able to change - I remember that one coming through as being painful.
~ShadeDiva
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~ShadeDiva
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