RE: what every newbie should know about trainers

RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (Full Version)

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Dnomyar -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 1:31:23 PM)
To Crappy Dom.. Why should a Mentor be a red flag? Why does that title bother you? Are Dom's prfect?

velvetears -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 2:56:19 PM)
i have read through this thread as well as the one LA posted and admit to being confused as to exactly what transpired between these two individuals. But that put aside, she is an individual who came here and created a thread. You can debate what her intentions were, that doesn't really matter. You might think she's confused, petty, vindictive or any other adjective you want, but to post about her so callously without any regard to her feelings, not matter what you personally think about her, is in my opinion unwarrented and unecessary. Why the hostility? If it bothers you so much - why do you click on this thread? If she came here and insulted others i could see some relevance, but all she did was, more then likely, not communicate her thoughts very effectively. i'm new to these message boards (under 200 posts), so myabe my perspective and expectations aren't realistic. Maybe after i have posted here some 3000 posts i will grow the same callous skin everyone else seems to display and be able to insult, attack, and ridicule individuals - i sure hope not [&o] At any rate - well wishes to you defiant - do what you probably already know you need to do and be happy. That's all that counts in the end.

Homestead -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 3:08:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears i have read through this thread as well as the one LA posted and admit to being confused as to exactly what transpired between these two individuals. But that put aside, she is an individual who came here and created a thread. You can debate what her intentions were, that doesn't really matter. You might think she's confused, petty, vindictive or any other adjective you want, but to post about her so callously without any regard to her feelings, not matter what you personally think about her, is in my opinion unwarrented and unecessary. Why the hostility? If it bothers you so much - why do you click on this thread? If she came here and insulted others i could see some relevance, but all she did was, more then likely, not communicate her thoughts very effectively. i'm new to these message boards (under 200 posts), so myabe my perspective and expectations aren't realistic. Maybe after i have posted here some 3000 posts i will grow the same callous skin everyone else seems to display and be able to insult, attack, and ridicule individuals - i sure hope not [&o] At any rate - well wishes to you defiant - do what you probably already know you need to do and be happy. That's all that counts in the end. shakes his head in wonder......[&:]

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 3:19:41 PM)
The Facts 1. My definition of a relationship two people getting to know one another while seeing each other exclusively. His definition of a relationship extremely serious and/or engaged to be married. Neither one of us was ready for his definition of a relationship. My definition of friends with benefits using someone. He said he didn't want to use me (a lie, although I didn't know that then). That's why we compromised on seeing each other and working toward a relationship. I did not pressure him into anything. 2. He never said he had no feelings for me. He said he did have feelings for me, but he wasn't in love with me........then went on to say he'd only been in love once and it took those feelings a long time to develop. While it's true he should have said he had no feelings for me, he never actually told me that. Why I put up with him for so long. 1. We both had similar (although not identical) views about sex. I feel wrong about sex outside of a long-term monogamous relationship. He is against sex outside of marriage. We both crave kink. 2. I knew if I ended things, it would be extremely difficult if not impossible to find someone else in my area who craved kink without casual sex. Now that it has ended, just as I predicted, we're both miserable. He's stuck with a vanilla gf that doesn't meet his needs, and neither one of us can find anyone in our area that's into kink without casual sex (and yes, he's just as pissed off about it as I am). Now everyone knows why stupid me put up with it. I didn't want to become a slut.

gooddogbenji -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 3:27:24 PM)
If you know what you were in, why bitch about it? You could have changed it, but chose not to, because it was better than being alone. Now you're alone, and bitching about how bad it was? Yours, benji

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 3:56:31 PM)
No, I didn't know what I was in because he never said he had no feelings for me. Being alone is fine as long as it's temporary. Try to imagine how difficult, if not impossible it would be to find someone into kink, but not casual sex. I live in Kansas, not New York or Los Angeles. People put up with things they normally wouldn't put up with when they have limited resources.

swtnsparkling -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:06:23 PM)
It is possible to find some one into Kink with out wanting the sex. Might take awhile but it is possible, not every male soul out there is expecting sex. If your location is so bad that you feel you wont ever find anyone- then move or stop looking. Settling just too (get a little kink) is just going to bring about more problems

justanotheclaire -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:08:32 PM)
another thing every subbie girl should know about trainers, they really do not go with dresses and skirts try some nice flat shoes instead [:D]

PlayfulOne -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:10:16 PM)
Well considering the months of threads before now it would seem the being miserable part is not new. Get over it, move on. Stop being pety, vindictive, and looking for sympathy. Your wiling to cling to nothing because, "It's hard to find people", wel if thats your reasoming you get what you deserve. K

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:21:45 PM)
Re-location isn't an option for me and won't be for at least another 4 years. I agree that it's better to be alone than to be used.........but what if that aloneness was likely last for years? I wonder what some of these people who think I'm so stupid would do if they were faced with spending years alone. I could compromise my values and start having sex the first or second time I meet a guy, but wouldn't they be using me too?

CuriouslyKat -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:32:30 PM)
I have found alot of people interested in kink in Kansas....but then again I live in the good part.......Yes, there is a good part...[;)] You could always try long distance with someone willing to travel for a while. You can find them. I have, but then again.....anyway good luck..I think you need it. CuriouslyKat inKansas

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:40:41 PM)
Long distance is great for occasional sessions, not a regular partner.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:43:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Long distance is great for occasional sessions, not a regular partner. Now we're just into the straight whining. You're worse than I was when I was 11 and wanted McDs and would go into the kitchen and wail at my mom "There's nothing to eat here!"

nefertari -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:57:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Re-location isn't an option for me and won't be for at least another 4 years. I agree that it's better to be alone than to be used.........but what if that aloneness was likely last for years? I wonder what some of these people who think I'm so stupid would do if they were faced with spending years alone. I could compromise my values and start having sex the first or second time I meet a guy, but wouldn't they be using me too? ~waves~ Alone for years here! Love it. Didn't at first...it took some getting used to. But now I know what I want and will not under any circumstances settle for anything less. It's a really nice benefit of not being afraid, or overcoming the fear of, being alone.

CuriouslyKat -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 4:58:11 PM)
sigh No, you won't have a regular "play" partner but you won't be lonely and can cultivate a relationship, and you might be able to "play" within your standards. I would take that over being lonely, with a jerk-ass-numb-nut pulling my chain. Or you can settle for said jerk ass and end up a pathetic hot mess. You are better than that, act like it. BTW, I agree with LA, you are whining.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 5:13:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Re-location isn't an option for me and won't be for at least another 4 years. I agree that it's better to be alone than to be used.........but what if that aloneness was likely last for years? I wonder what some of these people who think I'm so stupid would do if they were faced with spending years alone. I could compromise my values and start having sex the first or second time I meet a guy, but wouldn't they be using me too? What about finding something else to take up your time rather than sitting there feeling "alone"? Be well, Julie

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 5:19:42 PM)
LA, you have wondered for a long time why I didn't follow everyone's advice when they told me to dump him. The reality is, I live in a small town in Kansas and there is nobody in my area into bdsm that doesn't expect casual sex on the first or second meeting.........nobody except him. I never would have put up with his shit if it wasn't for that. I want you and everyone else to know that. Nothing will ever come of occasional sessions with a distant partner. It would be easy for me to find someone new if I threw my values out the window and had sex with guys the first time I met them. But wouldn't they be using me too? I need some advice here. Which is better, putting up with him or being used for sex? Those are my only options.

nefertari -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 5:22:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Which is better, putting up with him or being used for sex? Those are my only options. Wrong. You have a third option: neither.

KatyLied -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 5:25:31 PM)
quote: Which is better, putting up with him or being used for sex? Those are my only options. Option 3: Live for yourself. It would be better for you to take a (huge) step back and look at what's going on. You aren't ready for a relationship. You admitted to playing "hard to get" with this guy. If you can't approach a relationships honestly, now is the time to learn how to be genuine. You need to find a place where you can be comfortable with your life.

losttreasure -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/5/2006 5:27:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO Homestead: So what if it's "spite talking"? Without a first name and ID, I call it "venting." God knows, we've never seen you vent! LOL[:D] You going to educate her into how to be a better newbie submissive by yelling at her? Ask her how effective that's gonna be. Guess Homestead gets sick of "people" who "never take responsibility" "time after time" and I get sick of posters who jump on people who are "down", because I think it 1) Doesn't help them 2) Many times, is based on partial or no knowledge of a personal situation. We all have out pet peeves, I guess. - Susan - Susan... there are times when I could just kiss you! (metaphorically speaking, of course) [;)]

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