RE: what every newbie should know about trainers

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mstrjx -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 2:01:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nefertari This thread is a brick wall and we are all thumping our heads against it. And yet, we keep coming back looking for the silver lining. Jeff

CrappyDom -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 2:03:27 PM)
Jesus christ, quote: What does being an exercise trainer have to do with him telling me what he was up front and it being my fault for thinking otherwise? quote: I pulled away from him several times because I felt used and he said things to keep me attached. This is what the rest of the world calls a frigging CLUE quote: he said things to keep me attached. THUNK, that is the sound of a clue hitting a very thick skull. He can't do anything to keep you attached, you have to CHOSE to stay attached. That is why post after post is saying harsh things to you because no matter how many dents you got in your head from clues, you kept expecting something else.

nefertari -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 2:03:35 PM)
What can I say...I'm an optimist.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 2:11:31 PM)
I didn't say anything about him being a trainer back then because it was before I read the other post and made the connection. Back then I didn't think anything of the word trainer because that was his profession. The "games" referred to in that post were simply ideas from a book I read about relationships called The Rules. The basic idea of the book was that men thrive on challenge and women should be mysterious. Although I tried it a couple of times, openness and honesty is my true nature. Anyone who has read the other post probably knows he said he had no feelings for me. Everyone who has read this post also knows he's trying to hang on to me, despite the fact that he dumped me. That just proves my point once again about his inability to keep his story straight........he wants me, he wants me not, he wants me, he wants me not.............grrrr. Maybe I do need to grow up, but at least I'm consistant. At least I can keep my story straight.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 2:14:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I didn't say anything about him being a trainer back then because it was before I read the other post and made the connection. So you're upset because you didn't know what a trainer was supposed to be, and yet the relationship wasn't begun as a training relationship at all? Every step of the way you've been told to end the drama and just let you both go find someone who works well for you. Every step of the way you ignore that advice and continue to step voluntarily into the relationship with him. You can either keep doing that or not. But it's your choice, it always was and it always will be.

Homestead -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 2:20:33 PM)
Denial is the ultimate masochism.[:D]

mp072004 -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 2:47:45 PM)
quote: defiantbadgirl: I didn't know the title "trainer" only meant a short term commitment. It doesn't. I'm not at all clear whether your relationship was begun as a training relationship, but, for the sake of general information: Not all people who train or teach in BDSM do only short-term relationships. Not all people who do short-term BDSM relationships train or teach. Monica

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:21:53 PM)
You're right about the drama needing to end. I could easily find someone else........I've had plenty of offers. I just need to be willing to engage in sex on the first or second meeting and throw my morals out the window. Not meaning that in a sarcastic way either.........anything is better than all this drama. He's trying to find someone else too since his gf is totally vanilla and doesn't meet his needs the way I did. I think he's having problems finding another partner that will agree to bondage without sex. When I asked him how his search was going, his exact words (minus the frustrated cussing) were "Haven't ever found anyone cool on there like you babe." Maybe he should have thought about that before he treated me the way he did and dumped me. It appears he's suffering from bad karma. I do love the man, but I can't change him. Even if he does come running back to me, the relationship will never work out as long as he continues to treat me like crap. If I ever do take him back, he will learn real quick that I won't put up with his games when I refuse to speak to him for 2 weeks every time he tries to play me. He'll either quit contacting me altogether, or he'll straighten up. Either way there will be no drama. You're right LA. I don't need that shit.

mistoferin -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:22:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears Thanks for the link LA - it does shed a lot of light on this current situation she's in. In the original she doesn't talk at all about this being a trainer/trainee relationship, in fact she claims they were switches. Now i am totally confused. If you think that thread confuses, please, by all means, read some of her others. This guy has morphed from a guy she is seeing, to a friends with benefits, to her sub, to her switch, to her Master....and now he's her Trainer. What happened here is she read someone else's thread about a Trainer and assumed that because her boyfriend is a personal exercise trainer in his profession that they must be talking about the same thing. Thread after thread, many people have tried desperately to give her good sound advice and yet this woman is just as clueless as she was when she first posted about the whole thing in March. I really think this is a case of someone who has wandered across the line into the deep end of the pool when they have no idea how to swim.

mistoferin -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:25:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Even if he does come running back to me, the relationship will never work out as long as he continues to treat me like crap. If I ever do take him back, he will learn real quick that I won't put up with his games when I refuse to speak to him for 2 weeks every time he tries to play me. He'll either quit contacting me altogether, or he'll straighten up. Either way there will be no drama. Someone please wake me up. This has to be a dream right????....I mean no one can REALLY be this clueless can they?

julietsierra -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:48:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Someone please wake me up. This has to be a dream right????....I mean no one can REALLY be this clueless can they? Actually, I would call this more of a nightmare. If I were a dominant, I'd be steering WAY clear till she got some of her own house in order. Accusations after the fact, along with a seemingly inability to a) keep her story straight, b) see the relationship for what it was c) take responsibility for her own emotions and actions, d) make a viable decision that comes from HER, and are not reliant on his actions and e) walk away with some dignity and integrity make this girl a ticking time bomb. juliet

KatyLied -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:49:44 PM)
quote: I could easily find someone else........I've had plenty of offers. hehe. You can't be serious. Everyone has plenty of offers. You need to be selective. Why you would choose a "trainer" when you are seeking a dom/bf is the part that makes no sense. I have a feeling that if you jump into the bondage of another guy, we will hear again about how you fell hard for him and he "used" you.

PlayfulOne -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:52:05 PM)
quote: When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train. erin, I think your sig fits this perfectly. I came back and can't believe this lunacy has hit 8 pages. You can't help someone who won't take responsibility for her own actions. K

julietsierra -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:54:53 PM)
But only AFTER the relationship is over and she's discovered that he didn't do everything EXACTLY the way she wanted him to. After all, one does have to have the "right" environment in which to submit, doesn't one? It's up to him to provide that. Don't dare suggest that her perceptions are her responsibility, along with the ability to listen and take what someone says to be the truth rather than a temporary state until he's manipulated in just the right way. juliet

defiantbadgirl -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 3:55:54 PM)
"This guy has morphed from a guy she is seeing, to a friends with benefits, to her sub, to her switch, to her Master....and now he's her Trainer." Switches can be both subs and masters. He went from a friends with benefits to a guy I was seeing because I put my foot down and refused to be titled as a friend with benefits. As for the thread I read, this woman's trainer hurt her and everyone was saying she had to expect that since he was a trainer. I compared it to my own situation and found similarities (like short term, dumping for no reason, emotional unavailability). I'm afraid I jumped the gun and labeled him (not only as an exercise trainer, but as a bdsm trainer) along with the other guy because of these similarities. No, I'm not saying the other guy was an exercise trainer lol.

Wildfleurs -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 4:02:59 PM)
I just have to say this has been the fucking funniest thread I've read in a long time on collarme. C~

DomSA -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 4:04:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs I just have to say this has been the fucking funniest thread I've read in a long time on collarme. C~ Ditto...my sub and I can't leave it alone. It gets funnier with every post from the OP.

julietsierra -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 4:07:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl As for the thread I read, this woman's trainer hurt her and everyone was saying she had to expect that since he was a trainer. I compared it to my own situation and found similarities (like short term, dumping for no reason, emotional unavailability). I'm afraid I jumped the gun and labeled him (not only as an exercise trainer, but as a bdsm trainer) along with the other guy because of these similarities. No, I'm not saying the other guy was an exercise trainer lol. So, if I read this right, you're basically going on and on about the man that used to be in your life because...correct me if I'm wrong... someone else had a negative experience? Newsflash: Someone can walk away from someone else for no other reason than they didn't want to do this anymore. Poor you. But that's the breaks and no one "owes" anyone else an approved explanation for their decisions to break off a relationship. That's why it's called dating. Going out with someone is not a guaranteed venture for a lifetime so long as you make the right dinner, wear the right clothes and satisfy his every whim. If he decides he's done, you may not like it, but he doesn't HAVE to give an explanation that you can deal with or accept. He can do it just because he wants to. And let me get this part straight too...you TOLD him he had to have you for more than he was initially wanting you and then, when he decided he didn't, it's HIS fault? Since when does ANYONE get to tell ANYONE (even amongst dominants and submissives) that they WILL up the ante on the relationship front just because the other person said so? He may not have been as resolute as he should have been, but I guarantee you that if you'd given that ultimatum to my Master, whether he cared for you or not, you'd have been history simply because you attempted to force the issue in the first place. I'd say the walk away would have been pretty darn predictable. juliet

Celeste43 -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 4:08:36 PM)
However when he told the op that he was a trainer, and she turned a blank face to him and said okay, he knew she had no idea of what was going on, he knew she was a complete newbie. He should have felt obligated to spell it out because she didn't know enough to ask the right questions. Did he have any obligation to turn this into a long term relationship? Certainly not. I remember dating some guy in college who absolutely adored me and yet to me he was just a casual friend. It was a mismatch and just didn't work for both of us. I was sorry to hurt him when I shut it down but I had no obligation to stay in a relationship with a man who I felt nothing for, no matter how he felt.

DomSA -> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers (9/4/2006 4:12:16 PM)
defiantbadgirl....you claim in one of many posts that you don't know what to be responsible for. It really is very simple: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS. People can treat you anyway they want but only you can decide how you feel about that treatment. You decide to be upset, hurt, happy, joyful, confused, etc. But to continue to try to rationalize your need for a romantic relationship with someone whose only interest in you is mutual bondage is very self defeating. Basically it comes down to either shit or get off the pot. Make a decision to either cut him out entirely or live with his inconsistancies. Besides I have another set of questions...what is your definition of "friends with benefits" if you don't have sex? What is the benefit? Also in your bondage scenes are you both fully clothed? If naked and it involves kissing & hugging are you using a Clintonesque definition of sex?

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