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Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 10:39:20 AM   
SweetlyMisguided


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/10/2004
Status: offline 		Though I already know the answer to this, I would like to see what other Masters/Doms find wrong with this senario so that if another submissive/slave ever finds herself/himself in the same position they know what to do.

Several months ago I was talking to someone online whom I considered to be a friend and nothing more. Nothing was ever talked about anything of great value, and they knew that I was both A) currently involved, and B) pregnant with my son.

During a spur of the moment thing, I was invited out to California for work purposes, and I casually told this friend that I wouldn't be online for several days due to it, but I would give him a call just to say hi and let him know I was fine... Sounds great right?

Well I call this "friend" after settling in... and no one answers... Hours later he calls me back to tell me not only has he booked a flight down to the city I was staying in and rented a car, but he also expected me to either share my room with him OR pay for 1/2 of his room at the same hotel. (He got the name of it from Caller ID)

When I politely refused, he became irate ranting about how he had already made reservations, booked flights, and rented a car... I still refused and ended up refusing to ever speak to him again.

With all this in mind, I'd love to hear what others see wrong with this, the potential dangers, and the warning signs

_____________________________

Very much taken, very much loved...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 10:53:24 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

With all this in mind, I'd love to hear what others see wrong with this, the potential dangers, and the warning signs


What's wrong? With you - NOTHING. All of your statements being correct - I'd say your 'friend', isn't and never was. Like I often say to beth - Men are slime! Here's one who thought that because all of a sudden you were in the same state as he was, you MUST have been coming to get laid! The business trip was just a coy ploy. It's consistent with many of the men posters here. They're submissive, they're dominant, they're bi-sexual switches - whatever it takes to get laid.

Warning signs? Be warned of men 'friends'.


(in reply to SweetlyMisguided)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 11:06:30 AM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		It is just awful how you women bait us, and then let us down!

In all seriousness, what is wrong is your "friend" and his abuse of your friendship.

This has nothing to do with BDSM, but rather an asshole, and his idiotic attempt to get laid.

Send him a porn mag, some lotion, and tell him that this is the last time you are paying for his date!

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to SweetlyMisguided)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 12:26:21 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		I agree whit what else has been said here. And that this is not a BDSM problem, it can happen to anyone, some men belive we woman have nothing better to do than dream aboute what God has given them between their legs.

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 12:45:53 PM   
RealityFix


Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		Nodding,sounds like someone totally overstepping his boundaries.

You did right to put a stop to it....As far as what he paid, that's his loss for being a twit.

You catch more flies with honey, than vinegar.

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 1:06:26 PM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


Warning signs? Be warned of men 'friends'.




This is true and it's a real shame too because with the exception of a few good men on this board the majority of men start emailing me to get torrid details of my life. I guess I'm some sort of erotic magazine. Why can't we all just be friends?



< Message edited by sweetpleaser -- 1/6/2005 1:07:16 PM >

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 1:10:34 PM   
liltxsubby


Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

some men belive we woman have nothing better to do than dream aboute what God has given them between their legs.



and isn't funny how in fact those same men seem to be ruled by the object between their legs that we're supposed to dream about?

in all seriousness, you did the right thing. this guy sounds like an overbearing control freak, and not in a good way.

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 3:20:30 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
What's wrong? With you - NOTHING. All of your statements being correct - I'd say your 'friend', isn't and never was. Like I often say to beth - Men are slime! Here's one who thought that because all of a sudden you were in the same state as he was, you MUST have been coming to get laid! The business trip was just a coy ploy. It's consistent with many of the men posters here. They're submissive, they're dominant, they're bi-sexual switches - whatever it takes to get laid.

Warning signs? Be warned of men 'friends'.


Careful there Merc, you'll have us all believing Dally and her experiences to be the general truth about men and their integrity, wink... M

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 3:25:09 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I have to take the other side of the coin on this. It is very hard for me to imagine a man purchasing a plane ticket. Taking time off of work...etc..etc. For someone they do not even know off of online. The way I read it, he was not even really a casual friend. All he knew of you was you were pregnant and involved with someone who was not him.

So, how would he know your last name if he came? The caller id thing on the phone would give him the hotel yes. However not the room number. Why would you be calling this man when you have someone waiting for you at home?
I think he was no doubt at least in his mind. Lead on. He would not have reacted the way he had unless he did believe that.

Did he overstep his bounds. Yes. However one cannot overstep bounds if you didn't allow it to happen in the first place.


(in reply to SweetlyMisguided)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 3:25:43 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline
quote:

Dally and her experiences to be the general truth about men


It seems dally's faith in men has been restored, she is back with her Master, and happy, the saga continues.....................

quote:

Hello again!
this is "dally" and yes my Master did decide to take me back and eventhough i am not allowed to go into details about our personal life together i will just say that everything did work out very well and yes i feel very secure and extremely happy in this relationship, and that was the reason for my despair when it fell apart.

Thanks for your support... i am sorry if i was so incredibly bitter on my last few posts, i was broken hearted at the time and saw my world come crashing down on me....now i am back to feeling the blissful happiness i first felt when the relationship began.


< Message edited by INSIDEYOURMIND -- 1/6/2005 3:26:53 PM >

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 3:39:48 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		I think that many men consider BDSM to only aboute sex, therefore any woman interested in it must be willing to play dirty magasine for them anytime. Just as if i meet a Dominant on a chat even if i am submissive and he is Dominant do not mean i will start to stick needels in my brests and tell him how it felt for his amusment the first time we chat.

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 3:46:44 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: INSIDEYOURMIND

quote:

Dally and her experiences to be the general truth about men


It seems dally's faith in men has been restored, she is back with her Master, and happy, the saga continues.....................

quote:

Hello again!
this is "dally" and yes my Master did decide to take me back and eventhough i am not allowed to go into details about our personal life together i will just say that everything did work out very well and yes i feel very secure and extremely happy in this relationship, and that was the reason for my despair when it fell apart.


Thank God, at least for the moment, she is okay... I hope it makes her stronger/more able to cope... M

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 4:05:21 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well sweetlyMisguided, I've read your profile so I know what you are looking for. If I were to be a nice guy and show you around town, I woudn't be planning a hotel for you or even want anything to go past having a nice meal, some drinks, conversation, and chit chat on how you can be a better sub and me a better dom.

Other than that, I wouldn't want anything to do with you untill after I had a converstaion with your man. I remember watching the movie Rules of Engagement and the question "Have you ever had a pissed off Marine on your ass?" Well I have and it's an experience I never want to go through again. Besides, if and when I meet ppl who I know are taken, I just pefer to talk, meet, and gain trust with there significant others for trust purposes and that I don't get my friend into any trouble nor become an issue over jealousy.

Other than that just because you're submissive dosnen't mean you can't tell a guy who just wants to get some to "Fuck Off I'm taken and it's rude of you to think of me as such" It's his bad for making all the plans without even telling you about them. It's his bad for having this "I'm gonna get some" plan with out having any conversation with you about the subject. You did the right thing, and you stayed true to your MAN. Gongrats and keep up your faithfullness. When your man comes back to TX, I'd like to buy you two a drink. One for you Mans service to our USA country and two because you are sweet and a proud sub.




Attachment (1)

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to SweetlyMisguided)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 4:57:43 PM   
SweetlyMisguided


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

I have to take the other side of the coin on this. It is very hard for me to imagine a man purchasing a plane ticket. Taking time off of work...etc..etc. For someone they do not even know off of online. The way I read it, he was not even really a casual friend. All he knew of you was you were pregnant and involved with someone who was not him.

So, how would he know your last name if he came? The caller id thing on the phone would give him the hotel yes. However not the room number. Why would you be calling this man when you have someone waiting for you at home?
I think he was no doubt at least in his mind. Lead on. He would not have reacted the way he had unless he did believe that.

Did he overstep his bounds. Yes. However one cannot overstep bounds if you didn't allow it to happen in the first place.


Ok to begin with... Yes he was just a "casual" friend... Everyone I meet/talk to knows I'm pregnant and that I am involved with a Marine. EVERYONE. I hide that from no one. My profiles online hide that from no one.

Why would I be calling this person when I have someone waiting at home? My god... are you telling me I have no right to friends? Even my Marine will differ with you there. I have every right to have friends and talk to whomever I please as long as it falls within his guidelines.

So someone knows my last name... Big whoop. I don't try to hide that.

As for letting someone overstep bounds... that's almost as bad as saying "she couldn't really be raped because she really did want it... she just LET him overstep her boundries..." Think on that... seriously.






_____________________________

Very much taken, very much loved...

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 7:16:23 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: INSIDEYOURMIND

quote:

Dally and her experiences to be the general truth about men


It seems dally's faith in men has been restored, she is back with her Master, and happy, the saga continues.....................

quote:

Hello again!
this is "dally" and yes my Master did decide to take me back and eventhough i am not allowed to go into details about our personal life together i will just say that everything did work out very well and yes i feel very secure and extremely happy in this relationship, and that was the reason for my despair when it fell apart.

Thanks for your support... i am sorry if i was so incredibly bitter on my last few posts, i was broken hearted at the time and saw my world come crashing down on me....now i am back to feeling the blissful happiness i first felt when the relationship began.




How did I miss this?! is this a recent post? Did I miss the thread? I've had too much martini (I swear it was only ONE).

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 7:27:19 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Bravo to you for maintaining your boundaries, even in the face of irate pressure. It seems there are a lot of people who react to extreme emotion with anger and believe their reaction is reason enough to act it out. I try to avoid too much exposure to this type for my own personal chaos management reasons.

I won't address whether he "only thought he was going get laid" or not. Not enough information. It's certainly an easy leap of faith though, isn't it?

I have seen numerous scenarios similar to what you speak of. Occasionally, sadly not always but occasionally, it boils down to poor communication (somewhere along the line). You are the only person who can say whether or not that occurred so I can't even speak to that.

Regardless of whatever was the 'cause' of this reaction, the resulting behavior was poor. Again I say "good for you for maintaining your boundaries!"


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to SweetlyMisguided)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 7:51:29 PM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

I have to take the other side of the coin on this. It is very hard for me to imagine a man purchasing a plane ticket. Taking time off of work...etc..etc. For someone they do not even know off of online. The way I read it, he was not even really a casual friend. All he knew of you was you were pregnant and involved with someone who was not him.

So, how would he know your last name if he came? The caller id thing on the phone would give him the hotel yes. However not the room number. Why would you be calling this man when you have someone waiting for you at home?
I think he was no doubt at least in his mind. Lead on. He would not have reacted the way he had unless he did believe that.

Did he overstep his bounds. Yes. However one cannot overstep bounds if you didn't allow it to happen in the first place.





I was thinking along the same lines. He assumed too much - yes. However there must have been a bit more to this assumption than is outlined in the OP.



(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 7:56:32 PM   
SweetlyMisguided


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/10/2004
Status: offline 		A bit more assumption? I think not. The guy knew for a fact that I was not only taken, but engaged and expecting a child... Just because I have male friends doesn't mean I want to sleep/play with them. Assuming just because one is a submissive and one is a female that either of those two are going to happen because you are friends and have been chatting is terribly wrong.

_____________________________

Very much taken, very much loved...

(in reply to Paulnz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 8:04:30 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlyMisguided

A bit more assumption? I think not. The guy knew for a fact that I was not only taken, but engaged and expecting a child... Just because I have male friends doesn't mean I want to sleep/play with them. Assuming just because one is a submissive and one is a female that either of those two are going to happen because you are friends and have been chatting is terribly wrong.



No more wrong than assuming because someone wants help with a hotel room to accomplish a visit it means their motive was to get laid.

<shrug> Perspective.



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to SweetlyMisguided)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Through my question may others learn - 1/6/2005 8:10:58 PM   
SweetlyMisguided


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/10/2004
Status: offline 		Very true Suz, but when someone says you will either A) Share your hotel room with them and they are bringing their toys, or B) You will be footing the bill for half their room... One can only assume in one direction.

_____________________________

Very much taken, very much loved...

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 20
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