Things to look out for

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Koukei -> Things to look out for (9/5/2006 11:58:26 PM)
So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you?

Estring -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 12:02:14 AM)
I bet if you take some time to get to know him better. Before you move in with him. You probably won't need to be asking these questions.

porcelaine -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 1:20:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Koukei So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you? I wonder why the hurry? If you were well acquainted and had spent a significant amount of time together you would have glimpsed a few of his character flaws already. However, it is impossible to prepare yourself especially if the above has not occurred. You are merely taking a gamble and playing Russian roulette with the quiet hope that the positive possibilities will greatly outweigh the negative. Your last sentence leads me to question how long you've been acquainted and why you'd ever suspect that you could be kept against your will. That alone should present a warning of sorts that perhaps this is occurring too soon and far too fast. porcelaine

NastyDaddy -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 1:30:07 AM)
Are you concerned that he may be a very nice dom attractive bad guy, or are you wanting him to be a very nice dom attractive bad guy? [;)] Either way, Estring's words are spot on and most appropriate.

MasterRobert1 -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 4:57:28 AM)
How long have you known him? have you met any of his friends? Is he active in any of the local groups? Have you asked to speak with any of his former subs (this is a legtimate request since he's asking you to move in)? Don't be in any hurry. Get to know this person. And if he's pushing you to move in quickly, that is a very bad sign.

mp072004 -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 5:29:02 AM)
Do you have a set of ways to identify bad people or abusers in general? If so, apply them to BDSM people as well. The whips and chains don't change basic morality--just, sometimes, the way it is manifested. People often move in together in an organic process, even when they do it quickly (six months from meeting or less). They realize one day that they've incrementally mostly moved in together and determine that they may as well sign a lease together, too. Have you spent most nights together in the last month? Is his kitchen stocked with your preferred breakfast and morning hot drink? Do you keep most of your regularly worn clothes, books you're currently reading, etc. at his house? Do you routinely spend time at his place when he's not there? If so, it may be time to think about moving in "for real". Monica

Focus50 -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 5:50:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Koukei So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you? The best sign of all is your own instincts about him. You getting a vibe, an uneasiness or doubt about him in some way? Almost everyone has good instincts as part of your inbuilt "self-defence" mechanism and almost all of us are guilty of brushing those concerns aside - especially when it matters most. Anyone new is gonna present some doubts; it takes time to build trust! But if there's something more, such as a nagging urge for you to run far and fast from him; I'd sincerely consider that line of action. Focus.

MstrssPassion -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 6:54:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring I bet if you take some time to get to know him better. Before you move in with him. You probably won't need to be asking these questions. This is the best feed back you will get. I took a look at your profile & it seems that you have either just met this man or you really don't fancy him enough to mention him or the fact that you are even considering being with him. Your journal is full of angst from the men who just want to bed you, insult you or don't fit your criteria. This translates into you are still interviewing possibilities... that there is greener grass out there for you. I'm wondering if you have even met the gentleman you mention here. The last thing anyone should do is move out to be with or have someone move in to be with without extensive investigation... trust me, voice of experience here. You don't know a person until you spend considerable time with them. You have to meet friends & family, you have to see how they live, you really need to know how they carry on with life in general before you can determine "Am I in a good relationship... do we have the right stuff to make this work..." Sharing a life with someone rarely works out when you jump in blindly & just see what happens.

juliaoceania -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 8:12:57 AM)
I would only say that if you have doubts about your own ability to discern the character of another and are asking strangers on a message board to determine this I would wait a little longer. I am one of these rare souls that thinks it is ok to rush into relationships for some people. People that have good intuition, are not hurting anyone but themselves, and have a good track record of picking mates can often have good gut instincts. If you do not have these instincts be careful. Rushing into things when the risk is in line with the gain is not inherently wrong, but if you cannot afford the risk, do not take the gamble.

Taylore -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 8:14:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Koukei So I've met a very nice dom who is attractive and we get along really well. We have a lot in common and I'm really likin his feel. He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. My question is what are some signs of the guy possibly being a bad guy? Like.. the kind of guy who will keep in against your will or abuse you? Give yourself some time before moving in with him and these answers will be answered by themselves. When I moved from California to Texas to be with Master, we both agreed that for a period of 1 year, we would not live together. I have my own apartment. Not only did I feel better about having my own place, but it also gives us both time to really get to know each other better.

Koukei -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 9:11:54 AM)
Thank you for all the advice. The 411 is we haven't know each other that long and no I don't question his character. I feel he is a very nice person who is who he says he is. He is very willing to give me time to think it over and get to know him a little better and we plan on meeting face to face within the next week which is great since its hard for me to find time since I work night shifts. The whole reason I've asked your advice is because 3 of my friends who happen to be doms who want something more then a friendship with me keep telling me its a bad idea and how they dont think its right. I just needed some advice from some one who doesn't want me all to themselves. And once again, I thank you for all the wonderful advice.

Tikkiee -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 9:25:17 AM)
Hmm, if I may chime in here real quick. I don't think it's right. You have not met face to face yet, and already he is pressuring you to live with him? Personally, I would slow this down and tell him to back off a bit. The advice of your friends, while coming from men who may want you for themselves...is also very good advice that I would listen to.

Tamerofwild1s -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 9:42:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Koukei Thank you for all the advice. The 411 is we haven't know each other that long and no I don't question his character. I feel he is a very nice person who is who he says he is. He is very willing to give me time to think it over and get to know him a little better and we plan on meeting face to face within the next week which is great since its hard for me to find time since I work night shifts. The whole reason I've asked your advice is because 3 of my friends who happen to be doms who want something more then a friendship with me keep telling me its a bad idea and how they dont think its right. I just needed some advice from some one who doesn't want me all to themselves. And once again, I thank you for all the wonderful advice. first issue I see here is getting advice from someone with an ulterior motive ..... heres my advice . if it looks right . if it smells right . and it feels right .. it must be right ....... if your looking for tell tale signs . look about his place when you arrive to meet him ... it doesn't have to be hazel the maid clean but if it looks like a pig would pack up and move out well thats a sign he might not be a prince . but someone with good ettiquette .... look for things that make your stars move . if you see them then he is right for you ..... and never take the advice of those who might be saying warning just so they can get in your panties .. if you wear them that is [;)]

GeekyGirl -> RE: Things to look out for (9/6/2006 1:12:41 PM)
Sorry to be the cynical one, but if you're considering moving in with someone you've never even met, I think you're a bit crazy! I have a firm rule of dating someone for at least a year before I even consider moving in with them...that's face to face dating. How can you know if you even LIKE someone if you've never met them? Let alone that this might be a person you'd want to move in with? Maybe it's my chosen career or my past experiences but moving in with someone you hardly know seems very dangerous and irresponsible to me. Before I move in with someone, I want to be sure that I enjoy their company, that their living style compliments mine, that they have a good solid job history and no recent history of debt, etc. Maybe I'm too much a pragmatist, but these things seem important to me. I'm also very possessive of my personal space and I have to be pretty much head over heels with someone to tolerate sharing my living space with them.

proudsub -> RE: Things to look out for (9/7/2006 7:58:39 PM)
quote: Sorry to be the cynical one, but if you're considering moving in with someone you've never even met, I think you're a bit crazy! I couldn't agree more. Someone on CM did move in with a dom whom she hadn't met beofre and she thought he was perfect for her. It didn't work out for her and she had nothing to go back to. Does anyone remember who that was? I would search for the thread about it if i knew.

Tikkiee -> RE: Things to look out for (9/7/2006 8:01:59 PM)
I remember her also. Can't remember who it was though. I hate when that happens.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Things to look out for (9/7/2006 8:20:06 PM)
My personal feelings on this is...is this...You are asking a question as to how to see the true character of this guy, something has triggered it. I trust My gut instincts before any advice I get from anyone. If I get a feeling of this is moving too fast then I am moving too fast. You have plenty of time to get to know someone,no time left if you dont and end up dead. Thats a mistake you cant take back.Trust yourself to know whats right for you. I have used the quote "If you have to ask for advice,you already know the answer" I think thats how it goes.

alwayshis1 -> RE: Things to look out for (9/7/2006 8:52:19 PM)
after looking at your profile, id have to say take your time, you seem open to lots and you are just 18. my advise is take time to know yourself and what you need from a dom. i advise all to take 1-2 yrs alone to find what is best for them,, not who is best, but what is best

proudsub -> RE: Things to look out for (9/7/2006 11:36:37 PM)
Here are the threads i was looking for by hisTicia: Moved without meeting?? followed by: Go easy on the "I told ya so's" please...

KatyLied -> RE: Things to look out for (9/7/2006 11:49:30 PM)
quote: He wants me to move into his house which im almost okay with but not completely sure on. You've not yet met him and he wants you to move into his house? That is a rush. I agree with others who are saying what's the hurry? He sounds too desperate to me.

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