RE: Abandonment issues

RE: Abandonment issues (Full Version)

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Devilslilsister -> RE: Abandonment issues (9/8/2006 1:37:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy I'm still trying to emotionally regroup since you abandoned the MB some months ago. Who's pictures can I now so delightfully peruse? Whatever became of the cats in the driveway? Awwwww..... my kitties! God love em! Every single one i've ever had the pleasure to come in contact with. As for my specific babies. Well. Arg i miss em. Well, the mother Princess was (i think) run over by my neighbors 4 wheeler. Which with out any proof i cant go make them suffer as she suffered. :: sigh :: So i ignore the fact. Tigger, his mothers twin has disappeared! Bah and i try and not think about that either. Or atleast mebbe he was stolen. The other two. i have. Snow is weighing in at 14 lbs. He's AWEsome and i'll come back and tell ya TONS more about him in abit. Socks is 11 lbs and doing well too. She looks like a boston terrier. Got another kitty when Tigger went missing in duiguise to help some one else deal with his missingness. Kitten was for me! Her name is Nadia (naughty nadia) and she just got fixed! And as for pics.. i have webshots.. email me. And um whats MB? And i gots to run, soccer practice

eyesopened -> RE: Abandonment issues (9/8/2006 1:43:55 PM)
Trying to address the original post. i don't know that anyone every "beats" issues of abandonment anymore than someone "beats" diabetes. But one can control the devestating result of leaving it untreated. i'm not sure i'm going to express this properly, but i can relate my own experience. Decades ago i used to have panic attacks that landed me in the emergency room a few times. Finally a smart doctor told me what was happening and told me to be conscious of the warning signs my body was giving me... the uneasy feeling, light-headed, fluttering tummy, and at the first sign, to do deep breathing exercise until the symptoms went away. i have not had a panic attack since. One, thing, just knowing i had a way to control it made things better. How does this relate to abandonment issues? Well, the warning signs of an impending emotional 'melt-down' for me is when i catch myself using absolutes in my internal dialogue. Words like nobody, everybody, always, never, etc. To say "everybody i love dumps on me" just isn't true. For one thing, people just aren't that consistant. It doesn't help me to tell myself lies like that so when i get the blues or feel scared that someone is going to hurt me and i catch myself with the absolutes in my language, i just stop myself and change my internal dialogue to positive language. Hardly a substitute for therapy but i hope this helps someone.

Devilslilsister -> RE: Abandonment issues (9/8/2006 4:12:41 PM)
quote: You have done a very good job at sharing the different weeds in your garden, nice analogy too, btw. You are absolutely right, you will only get feedback according to what you give out, and how clear it is presented. Btw: Remember to use spring water and organic fertilizer in your garden, to continually give back to the soil, sustaining its richness to produce the best of the best that your garden can be. Take care You know you're absolutely right and i didnt actually factor that in. See i try to present all details of a situation clearly, but i dont try and present all details of myself clearly. But i do factor in that the advice given is not advice from those with a complete picture. This thread for example. Is on abandonment issues. It is just about those. I was looking for how others deal with them, common ways to deal with them, ect ect. Looking for "ideas" So the rest of the garden wasnt really important - so i didnt feel the need to bring it in. I could of course, write out a whole list, give a complete and detailed auto biography. Which i've thought about (for shits and giggles), but it takes way too damn long. Oh my gosh. Even if i do my best to present my garden in the most clear way it is still yet one sided. We all know that looking out from something is much different from looking in. As for my REAL garden. I do try and give back to the soil actually. I start with miracle grow, because well its the best and i havent had any problems with it. Keep my plants tended watered, and spoken too. I oddly always apologize for cutting of any branches or what not. Whether its the carbon dioxide in my breathe or my voice that actually does good for them, dun really matter. I boil it down to the fact that they are living energy, they can feel energy. I do try and make my soil abit of decomposition thingy ma jig. Randomly of course. Never had a plant die on me (that i can remember) and i always revive other ppl's plants that are dying. Aye and i'm gonna get abit prideful here! When my garden, yard (its a big one - palm trees tons of grass to mow and plants all over) gets done you see all the neighbors start to come out and do there's. They tell me i show their yards up. heh. Who would of thought, i'm a gardner? Anywho... quote: Well, the warning signs of an impending emotional 'melt-down' for me is when i catch myself using absolutes in my internal dialogue. Words like nobody, everybody, always, never, etc. To say "everybody i love dumps on me" just isn't true. For one thing, people just aren't that consistant. Nice, thanks i'll remember that.

RiotGirl -> RE: Abandonment issues (9/8/2006 4:32:08 PM)
You know the perfect song for me is Inside Out by Eve 6. Tho i'm told not to listen to it too much. LOL My CATS. God i love rambling on about them. Aiight. Snow my big boy. 15 lbs i think it was. Aiight. He's a sweet lovable little gentleman. Laid back, chilled out, dun whine much. Yet he's the dominant one i think. He fights with the stray cats running about when he gets a chance so i dun let him out at night anymore. He's like my little Lion. Pure white, sweet, lovable and great with his paws. He randomly uses them like hands and "grabs". He's addicted to his cat nip and then he becomes another cat. He's nuts on catnip. As well, he'll eat ANYTHING. I test him randomly. He'll eat cheetos, tortitos.. heck anything. If he can get his nose in it, he's eating it. He begs worse then my dog, except he doesnt beg. He's cool and laid back about it as he keeps his eye on the food and slowly walks forward like "whaaa? its not mine?" hehehehe. He rocks. His sister. Socks. Female, black and white. Gawd! She's a WHINER. Drives me nuts, i can never please that cat. I try and tell myself "she's just talking to you" but good lord, shaddup. She's abit high strung and she's like the bitch of the house. Drew blood on me once trying to smack the dog. She doesnt put up with crap. Abit jumpy as well. When the kitten attacks her, she beats up the kitten and well the kitten's learned. She's like our little high and mighty queen. Nadia, my new little girl. She's a sweetie, yet a devil. Like she's the only one that'll snuggle up with me (with out being petted) and just sleep. She's great, especially when i goes to bed. I just snag her and curl up and she purrrrrrrrs like a maniac. The cat will purr over anything! Yet she's a demon. She knows excatly how to get into things she's not and when you try and teach her not to, off she flys in a game of "cant catch me" Hehhehehe. She has this really interesting habit of flying around jumping into things and jumping out and off she flys. She's a sweet little maniac. tho i'm sure she'll out grow her maniac stage with age. AND she's my only cat who feels the need to bite the guinea pigs head when she has a chance. Gots to keep my eye on her. The other two, let live. They're pretty good. Not her. Eh she's a baby. Yet she's really sneaky about it. She'll know i'm watching and inch up toward the guinea pig waiting.. hehehehe. and my guinea pig rocks too! He answers me when i call him and dun runs off. Right now he's running around the front yard. Luckily Nadia got fixed recently so i know Mr guinea pig is safe and the dog is out. Dog keeps an eye on my guinea pig too! My dog and guinea pig are like best friends. Noisy little thing he is. Aye and he's intelligent. (he just is) He knows when i call, he knows when i'm walking around nearby and hollars for more veggies and he's got balls. JUST cos Nadia tried to bite his head off once or twice, dun mean he's afraid of the other cats. He's a cool little dude and he knows who i am, which impresses me. Ahhh and i've fish who beg better then any one i've ever seen. Every time i walk by their tank, they're all in the corner with their mouths up by the top of water begging to be fed. Little beggers! You know, you'd think they were bored and i try to change things up abit for em, but i dun want to stress em out. And of course my DOG. Whose cool beans, but a major beggar. She's a major attention slut. All she ever says to me is "pet me" oh my gosh and she gets instant jealous if i pet some one else. But she's a good dog. She's like my big sweet baby gaurd dog. She'll corner the electrician at the neighbors, run ppl outta our court, tell the neighbors to get back in their house.. hehehehe. She gaurds the house, the guinea pig, the cats, my wee one. Literally too. Yet - really, inside she's just this big ol sweet lap dog. Kind of funny actually. Ok! So thats more then you ever wanted to know about my babies! And now i gots to go somewhere else.

UtopianRanger -> RE: Abandonment issues (9/9/2006 3:40:43 PM)
quote: Bottom line is you need to learn that if people come into your life or leave it that is has much less to do with YOU than it has to do with THEM. This requires that you learn to value yourself in a way you don't seem to have done. Being tough and self reliant isn't the same thing as self love and I am not talking masterbation here. You also need to learn that if someone decides you are not the friend/lover/whatever THEY need that it doesn't mean you are not worthy of their friendship but that they are looking for something else. As an over the top example, say you meet some hot uber dom and you get all hot and bothered by him. You have a super hot session, millions of orgasms and you to stare at each other with puppie eyes and start dreaming of having a relationship. Then he tells you that he wants you to serve as the human toilet for his two dogs or he is going to leave, you would probably tell him to leave but YOU WOULDN'T FEEL ABANDONDED, you would be able to realize, because it is such an extreme interest, that his leaving was about his interests not yours. SO, you need to learn that on a less extreme level, that when people come and go it is about them and not because you are not worthy of having them as a freind/lover/whatever. I edited this to add one thing. You put up a giant wall and trust me, people can sense it. So the people who DO want to be connected, who DO want to meet people they can make long term emotional committments to stear clear of you. So, who doesn't care if another person has a wall up and never really makes emotional committments, another person just like you who is always willing to cut any ties with another because they were never there in the first place. So it isn't about choosing "good" or "bad" people, it is about the people who choose to come into or stay out of your social circle. You never even get the chance to choose people who might make a deep committment to you because they steer clear of you in the first place. Now this is a broad generalization but like many broad generalizations it is often true. Just like I am sure there are people, probably emotionally needy, who you steer clear of the minute you get a sense that they are "like that" whatever "like that" happens to be. Good luck, you can do it. Crappy...... I can honestly say after reading a great many of your political rants, its not often I agree with you. But with regard to this post and ''abandonment issues'', as others have said, you are spot on the money. Off and on over the last twelve months, I have spent a great amount of time trying to develop a relationship with lady who openly acknowledged in the beginning that she had SEVERE abandonment issues that were deeply rooted to her father and the total lack of attention he paid to her over the course of her childhood. Now being a guy with lots of patience, and ''hellified'' physical stamina .... I tried every single angle you can think of, but it never worked. I'd get to first base....then I'd steal second.... then each time I started to get a bigger lead off the second base bag.....walla! the girl pulled the best ''pick off'' move you’d ever seen, and just like that I was on my way back to the dugout. {And I’m usually very successful} I have literally never been so frustrated in my life - It was / is impossible to ''get in'' And anyone who knows me personally will tell you that my trademark is that I never quit or give up with regard to any endeavor. But I'm here to tell you now.....that I'm hella tired of trying....and I am going to hang it up for now. {Kelly}Riotgirl ..... you definitely have my sympathies [;)] ....but pay attention to what a few very enlightened folks here have written here and go see someone, a doctor, a counselor, therapist or someone that can help, because these people are right, its just way too big of problem to let rest on your shoulders. Best wishes and good luck. - R Edited to add : To anyone who's been abandoned or treated like shit by your mother or father.....while I was fortunate to have two very good, loving parents.....I have a fairly good idea as to how you feel - Man....keep your head up and love yourself.

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