Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Femdoms on Expectations


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Femdoms on Expectations Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 3:09:38 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		"Meeting and exceeding customer expectations" is something you see splattered all over big business today.  Moreover, the emphasis on quality systems is balancing customer perceptions and customer expectations to ensure that you're delivering the most useful item or service for your client base.  From the Disney Corporation to some of the world's top airlines, taking the time to understand the needs and expectations of a customer (a recipient of a service) IS the key element to success.

I've recently taken a look at why I've been being failed, and in all fairness, some of these realizations have come down to a failure to be realistic in my expectations, and to adequately communicate them.

That being said, ladies: 
-- What are your perceptions of service? 
-- What are your expectations of a submissive/slave?
-- How have you come to realize these expectations and perceptions?  (Did they come from experience, from things someone told you, from an internet site, or by having negative experiences and not wanting to repeat them again?) 
-- How do you communicate (or not communicate) your expectations?
-- How do you feel your expectations are met?  How are they failed? 

I think that once a few of us have posted in response to this, we could get something similar started for the submissives.  (Or one of them could take this topic on and post their own thread.)  I'd really like to see them as two separate threads that we each can give one another feedback on!

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 9/6/2006 3:10:58 AM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 3:56:20 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I think that once a few of us have posted in response to this, we could get something similar started for the submissives.  (Or one of them could take this topic on and post their own thread.)  I'd really like to see them as two separate threads that we each can give one another feedback on!


What an excellent and insightful thread Ma'am. I would be glad to start a similar thread for the submissives and slaves. I'm interested to see where the discussion leads on both ends.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 4:38:36 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I'm going to attempt a very short reply

-- What are your perceptions of service? 
-- What are your expectations of a submissive/slave?
 
What I perceive & expect can be summed up quite simply as a true, sincere, diligent desire to serve. Consistency in mannerism & applications. One who honestly makes a conscience effort to apply the training I offer & who exhibits an innate ability to anticipate my needs (or needs of the family/home). 
 
-- How have you come to realize these expectations and perceptions?  (Did they come from experience, from things someone told you, from an internet site, or by having negative experiences and not wanting to repeat them again?) 
Yes there have been negative experiences to learn from. Failing is all part of learning how to be successful... so long as one doesn't keep making the same mistakes over & over. Mostly there have been positive experiences that have reinforced my methods. I have also learned by observation & communication with others based on their own trail & error/success.

-- How do you communicate (or not communicate) your expectations?
Straight forward, to the point & with no uncertain terms. I'll draw a map if needed. Every individual is different & it is my task to find the most effective way to communicate with those I interact with.

-- How do you feel your expectations are met? 
When I see the reality of what I envisioned take place. 
 
How are they failed? 
One of two ways... either things were not carried out properly or my expectations exceeded the ability of the one I instructed.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 4:46:39 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Excellent, thank you porcelaine.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 5:02:00 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		What are your perceptions of service?   My perceptions of service are an honest, diligent and willing ability to serve me as trained.
What are your expectations of a submissive/slave?   I expect my submissive to serve me as I have trained him and to do so happily. I want him to show a willingness to learn and explore new horizons. He must communicate with me openly and never devalue the trust we have worked so hard to establish by lying or keeping things from me. I expect him to anticipate my needs (and our needs) and to tend to them to the best of his ability.
How have you come to realize these expectations and perceptions?  (Did they come from experience, from things someone told you, from an internet site, or by having negative experiences and not wanting to repeat them again?)    Mine have come from experience and some negative past experiences.
How do you communicate (or not communicate) your expectations?   I am a verbal person but I do have a sharp tongue. Sometimes I do better in putting my feelings/thoughts into writing. I think this also is good so that the sub has something written to look back on if need be.
-- How do you feel your expectations are met?  How are they failed?    My current sub is new to that end of the whip as it were. He is learning as we go along what my needs and expectations of him are. He has shown a patient eagerness to serve.which pleases me. He has not disappointed me yet and hopefully he won’t.

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 6:17:59 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		*sighs* I really wanted this to have a few days to take off before it got reposted.  My intent was for it to go into the submissive forum, *not* into general population.  So much for that idea!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 7:10:20 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

What are your perceptions of service? 


Taking the training I provide and willingly and wholeheartedly trying to put it into practice for mutual pleasure.  Making the effort to get to know me, my needs and want.  Communicating to me his needs and wants.

quote:

What are your expectations of a submissive/slave?


In no particular order:
Effort
Desire
Communication
Caring
Obedience
Quetioning
Learning
Being a strong, capable person
Having a sense of humor
Knowing themselves

[quoteHow have you come to realize these expectations and perceptions?  (Did they come from experience, from things someone told you, from an internet site, or by having negative experiences and not wanting to repeat them again?) 

A little bit of all of those.  I get ideas from a variety of sources, internet, friends, watching others.  However, what works and does not work specifically for me has been found based on experience.  It is also depends on the person with whom I am interacting.  I do not have a checklist of this is the how it will work.  I instead have a framework that can be adjuted here and there to accommodate the needs and personality types of different people yet still work for me.

quote:

How do you communicate (or not communicate) your expectations?


verbally, in writing, with training.  I do not micromanage (though I do a bit more in the early stages) and I do expect a certain amount of common sense and anticipation of needs and resoursefulness to accomplish things without having my constant direct supervision and direction.  Many things are learned with time and training.  But there are others that occur because of the strength and ideas of the submissive.  The biggies are communicated and discussed early on.  The details come with time and different situations.

quote:

How do you feel your expectations are met?  How are they failed? 


If everyone is happy and things are going swimmingly, expectations on both sides have been met, at least in that stage.  Failure happens because either I failed to instruct properly or completely, the submissive did not put forth enough effort into complying or my expectations were too lofty for that particular person or for that particular time.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 7:16:36 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		deleted

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 9/6/2006 7:19:20 AM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 8:07:22 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

That being said, ladies: 
-- What are your perceptions of service? 
-- What are your expectations of a submissive/slave?
-- How do you communicate (or not communicate) your expectations?

I wrote them all out in a household manual. This was inspired by Jack McGeorge's House of Discipline manual. I've drooled over that for years, so I finally made one. House of Fire Manual

quote:

-- How have you come to realize these expectations and perceptions?  (Did they come from experience, from things someone told you, from an internet site, or by having negative experiences and not wanting to repeat them again?)

They came from both negative and positive experiences as well as a serious period of learning to be self-aware. I learned what I do and don't want from a slave, but I've also learned what I do and don't have to offer in a relationship. Of course, both of these things are dynamic; they change over time.

quote:

-- How do you feel your expectations are met?  How are they failed?

I'm not quite sure I understand this question. Are you asking how well ,or how poorly, they are fulfilled by the relationships I have? Currently, all put the close personal service is met...this area is not satisfactory because of circumstances, not a failing on her part (we have a LDR). This will change next summer when I move.

Master Fire



_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Femdoms on Expectations - 9/6/2006 9:15:12 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

That being said, ladies:
-- What are your perceptions of service?
-- What are your expectations of a submissive/slave?
-- How have you come to realize these expectations and perceptions? (Did they come from experience, from things someone told you, from an internet site, or by having negative experiences and not wanting to repeat them again?)
-- How do you communicate (or not communicate) your expectations?
-- How do you feel your expectations are met? How are they failed?



Service, to me, is taking care of some of the mundane things in my life so I have more time for my scholarship, teaching, and writing. I expect a trainee to be learning what these are and how to perform but I expect a slave to know how to do them or to know that he/she needs to ask me for advice.

I've been doing DS now consciously for 16 years so my expectations and definitions developed over time from things I read, people I met, workshops I went to, but most importantly, what works well for me.

My job is to teach a trainee what I expect and how he/she can meet those expectations. I have a program I follow and a detailed contract that lists a lot of these though doing is far better than reading. Repetition, positive feedback, and the opportunity to correct errors is the way I teach whether it is DS, SM, or history frankly.

I've also learned that I need to have some flexibility. Fox may not do things the same way that Anna or Faith or others have but if he accomplishes the task and makes my life better, then he is doing his job. When I can be clear on what I want and how I want it done, I am doing my job.

I think MisPandora has hit something on the head too in her OP. Much of our "failures" in Ds and BDSM are a result of unrealistic expectations. Fantasies are great, heck, I can't complain about fiction cause I write, but they aren't real life.

My expectations revolve around a consensual authority dynamic -- after that it is all a matter of the individual and the moment. Yes, I am very picky, but I think by having a clear approach to training, to what I want, and the flexibility for real life and individuality, I have increased my chances of success.

Nah, I'm no perfect top, I'm no fetish goddess, and I'm no bitchy queen. I'm me and being me is doing me (and mine) just fine so far. It has ups and downs, know that, and that's half your battle I think.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 10
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Femdoms on Expectations Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063