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RE: Attitude - 9/7/2006 9:09:46 PM

onestandingstill

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Thanks Susan (Suzanne

) for the information and advice you shared. I am going to check the other recommended threads right now.
To roit girl thanks for your info too. And for Crappy Dom I also use the inner observer to help me to stay more open and objective. Thanks for your points of view and comments.
Suzanne

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RE: Attitude - 9/7/2006 10:43:33 PM

Aine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

There is a simple answer. Hook up with someone who has more attitude that you. It will be like looking in the mirror and you wont like what you see. Why do people have to give long rambling answers and not get to the point.

Oh, bite mah tush, Raymond.

Whenever I give any kind of answer, whether it be thought-out or short and sweet, I generally don't even expect anyone to listen. :P

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Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

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RE: Attitude - 9/8/2006 2:46:09 AM

mons

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greetings susano

i know she is so young but sometimes people will really go into a place and feel the need to challagene the area if she had not said this i would not be worry and i am i have a son her age and i tell him the same never ever go to anywhere you do not know where i live i can count the black folks here so many will go to a bad area to have a party i been telling son since he was 5 drug drinking strange bad friends all of the things i would want to be riot. she is finding herself and i want her to know it is dangerous in so many places yes i grown up in a ghetto their are so many wondeful people who want to move and get out but they can not i was so lucky i left it when i was twenty and that was back east . I have a gift of sesning whne somone is on pain she i sin pain for somereason i would tell her like i do so many fo the younger folks and they listen. i would never be smart to hurt anyone never her she has a sense of great fun and intelligence . i hope she would write me i am so mothering lol susan thank you for saying my post you like i try not to hurt or curse thanks

mons

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RE: Attitude - 9/8/2006 5:02:34 AM

SusanofO

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omestandingstill: No problem. I haven't done this (yet). From what I've gathered, though) I am slowly coming to the conlcusion that one reason (not the only one, but I think it is one) that this kind of relationship is so "scarified" by many is that the Masters who sincerely desire it are really may be trying to be honest and sincere about what they know they are asking upfront. I think this can be viewed as a good thing. If they weren't trying to be honest, they wouldn't bother.

And talking with them more will probably reveal if they know why they want (technically speaking) a slave vs. a submissive. To some I think it connotes the person will be more devoted, and they don't plan to "limit test" this day-in and day-out. Some say they do (but probably won't). Some will do it. Some people don't even realize there is a technical difference like yor question indicates, and they won't be able to tell you why, then. But - they still may expect you to "act like one" That could work - if they are an inspiring enough personality, I'd imagine. Hmmm. Bottom line. Find out what they want. Decide if you can give it to them. I know the whole attractive idea to some might be that they might not know what they want, and you'll have to do it anyway, anytime but - try to find out anyway. Some really do know. I think this really is a communication process. Unless you've already "declared yourself", you absolutely have a right to ask these questions.

I know there are people who have had relationships with Masters where the slave felt they were often "reminded" they were actually of little value to a Master. I really do feel badly they feel they've failed, but I find my self still wanting to know - why do they? Reminded they are of little value? I thought slaves added value (I do, though, understand what you mean by the question. It's a god one, I think)..My Short answer (I'm tored and I know this may sound so obvious it ends up sounding stupid, but I mean it in the most literal, utmost sense - By really feeling a need to be there - any judgment or connotations about whether this is "right" or "wrong" aside (because that part doesn't ultimately matter, I guess).

But - If they really do have no value, except in terms of filling their Master's needs, then they need to find the reason(s) they need to be there - and ask why and how it fulfills them wtih that particular person. Find out what attracts them to the relationship? I mean that particular person - not just the M/s relationship. Ultimately one is dealing with a person, not a "role" And they'd need to really feel a growing devotion to that Master, I think. *I mean this in the utmost literal sense, with no judgment of who is "right or wrong." Do they like giving personal attention vs. giving it? What is their definition of personal attention? What does this Master need? Do they inspire your devotion? Why? What is it about them you appreciate? Do they make you feel valued? Needed? I realize its in their terms in their own way - but does it happen currently?

Are they going to be able to use your unique talents and encourage you to grow as a person? Ask themselves why they like being with that Master, or love serving them - and come up with some very personal answers, all judgment connotations about it aside. I thought Masters inspired slaves and confidence, too- can you envision this person doing that? I realize it's a give and take communication and devoted process between two people - but - can you envision it? In real, day-to-day terms?

I thought the whole reason a Master has a slave was because they added some value to a Master's life. If they are not feeling this, I guess the ultimate bottom-line solution would be to leave, but -I just feel bad it happened. There is no need to internalize it as a "failure" - please don't let it be a static assessment of your character - because it's not, or doesn't have to be.
Who said so? Who said so? That is a good question, I think.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/8/2006 5:13:59 AM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Attitude - 9/8/2006 5:22:32 AM

SusanofO

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mons: I know you care about riotgirl. It was obvious by your reply, I think. It's kind of you to be concerned, especially in a maternal way. I hope she is okay, too. I think she was maybe speaking in generalities and didn't actually plan to go into a dangerous part of any town she visits or lives in. I can't vouch with certainty about that, but, even if she has possibly been in a dangerous situation or two, she is a really bright girl. I have the feeling that, even though she might be in pain, she will ultimately be okay. I know we're hoping so anyway. It's very kind of you to care, I think.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/8/2006 5:26:18 AM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Attitude - 9/8/2006 6:44:40 AM

SusanofO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Funny...

But there was one thing that almost all of them and others have said over time that has stuck. That I'm intimidating. Maybe it's the quiet observation, softspoken with the nasty "evil-eye" (or so I've been told). I've been able to turn away males and females that were in my face with a simple look. And it wasn't even that I was being menacing, it was just my way of getting them to go away and leave me alone.

I will agree with whoever said that situations and surroundings will shape our attitudes and our visible personalities. But being aware of our attitudes and our personalities is the most important thing. Only from there can we make the effort to change or to temper and tweak those things about ourselves that we may not want to portray. And keeping those things within conscious thought will help us become more of the person we want to be.

Sometimes it's good if we are not comfortable in certain surroundings, to emerse ourselves in it from time to time. I don't like the word "desensitize"....but it kind of gets my point across. We might not necessarily become wholly comfortable in those situations, but we will eventually be able to handle ourselves better when we are in them.

And on that point, emersing doesn't mean one specific thing. If you're quiet and shy, it doesn't mean making yourself go up to and talk to 20 random people in an hour. If you are an outgoing person it doesn't mean just sitting and observing. I prefer to look at it as a combination of the two. Take the time to observe those around you and their attitudes, their body language. Really take a look at your surrounding and try to pick out those things that you might see in yourself. Things you both like and dislike. See how others are reacting to those people that you are studying.

Then take it a step further. Center yourself a little then pick someone to talk to. Be it someone you've never talked to before or one of your acquaintances. Keep a sharp eye on your own attitude, tempering it in different ways and see how people react to you.

Somebody is listening, Aine. I liked your post, and especially how it follwed up in detail on Ex-Steels suggestions to get out and be with people, and how to maybe start doing that. Also I've noticed them a few times, but didn't have the time to say anything at the time about them. That "evil eye" - people can love their labels, can't they? lol. When I read that, loooked at your pic, and then kept reading, one of my first thoughts was - "Oh, I understand. She's smart - that's why she's "so intimidating". It's not just the glasses, it is "the look" (which btw, I think some men here may well find attractive). Also, if you "speak your mind", so what? I agree that situations and surroundings can help shape our attiudes and visible personalities. And how to maybe change that.

I particularly liked the part that said: "Keep a sharp eye on your own attitude, tempering it in different ways and see how people react to you." This is probably obvious already, but on the chance it may not be, I would add - and note how that makes you feel (that's the part that might keep an attitude from changing, I think sometimes. If it's always I wasn't" enough" of something, whatever it is. Or always angry, or sad, for example. I'd ask what thought(s) triggered the feeling(s) and is the reality they create really "true"? Or is it simply an assumption? Because assuming the worst of oneself is not conducive to happiness - even if it's become a long-held truth for someone, I don't think.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/8/2006 6:47:12 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Attitude - 9/8/2006 1:17:30 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

I've aloooooooooot of attitude. ::sigh :: yet recently i found out i portray an attitude that i didnt even know of! What a pain, eh? I was asking questions.. cant help it. i do it alot. Inquiring minds want to know and all that! So i'm told my attitude is abit off setting. Which of course.. what attitude, was the next question. They way it was described to me was "you walk like you've got beef" Pretty much, i gather is that i come off like i want to kick some ones ass.. or w/e Duh, i dunno. LOL And generally i suppose it works well for me. Not many ppl "mess" with me. LOL And i find that alot of girls are scared of me.. which always perplexed me.. hmmm

Well i'd like to get rid of it! Aye two personal goals in a week! Not excatly sure how to get rid of it, or better yet how to control it. To where, it comes out when i WANT it out and not when i'm not noticing.

Anyways, so after this piece of info i went to a really sweet guy that adores me and double checked it! i twas told that its more of a front.. and if a person is intelligent its easily see through and if they cant, dun worry about it. Not that i'm really worried about others.

Its more a personal thing. Like, i may WISH i was 6 foot and 240 lbs, but i dun want to go around ACTING like it. Or acting like an angry 6 footer.

Lets see, i've figured it this way. Recognize it. Find the source. Change the thinking. I'm at that "change the thinking" part and i'm abit stumped. It a defense mechanism... and i know where and all the whys of it.. but how to tell myself i dun need it anymore? How to tell myself to "relax" and i dun need to be on "guard" 24/7?

to make it simpler to understand. Its like i act like i'm walking around the ghetto late a night on gaurd for some one to jump out the bushes AND i cant seem to bring myself back to walking around a suburb neighborhood.

Suggestions, sugguestions? anyone ever managed to change the presentatin of themselves? And i dun mean like dress, talk, social norm stuff. As it seems to come out in my mannerisms, the way i carry myself, the way i walk, how i look at ppl.

Granted i've some one who's helping me out, but well i like to do things myself. = )

i have an idea and it may seem silly but...... why not try videotaping yourself and studying it. Not wholly shure how you would do this. Then knowing you were being taped may skew the results LOL.

Knowing what your other thread was about - the abandonment one - maybe you use this "attitude style" to keep others away from you? Just a thought. It's hard to change ingrained habits - takes a lot of focus and motivation i think.

If others perceive you incorrectly it's not YOU but something they are reacting to from their own "stuff" - Not much you can do about that. i was very quiet and shy in my teen years and other girls called me a bitch. Now i am much more outspoken and i am still sometimes called a bitch LOL.... i have come to not take it personally like i did as a teen - it would literally crush me then.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 9/8/2006 1:19:44 PM >

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