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LadyHugs -> RE: Practice Makes Perfect (9/6/2006 5:21:25 PM)
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Dear TNstepsout, Ladies and Gentlemen;
I have mentored, trained, presented and given demonstrations for quite a while.
What I do advise individuals starting out, regardless of the roles, is to be honest of what you really want and only compromise if you must. Being an over pleaser towards others, robs you as an individual of finding your happiness because, you're trying to make others happy with you through over giving, over compensation trying to have somebody like you or accept you. Problem is, you'll find people who you want approval from who will have nothing to do with you regardless what you do or how high you are in the 'respected list.'
Second advice is--your reputation is built on what you do and say. It is not dropping names of who you know or what you know but, speaking with experience well earned moment by moment; to which gives you first hand experience and not hearsay or second hand information, knowledge and or skills. Anybody can talk a good game but, when you can do what you say you can do--people tend to finally stop yapping and go find some other person to pick on.
Novice at the role, one sometimes has to become an actor/actress. The mind then changes the body as to speak the part. Once comfortable in the role, it no longer is an act. It is just catching up to the part in life you wish to play in life. Not just BDSM or D/s, M/s scenes but, a life's long term goal. For example, I am a dominant woman. I draw from women I've admired in my life and certain manners or behaviors that I wish to adopt myself. Then, I walk down any sidewalk, into any resturant and vanilla gatherings and let my aire or presence speak for me. When I walk into a room, people step aside without me speaking--so why do they do this? It is the energy I transmit and my body language. Sometimes I just stand there until they notice, I stand my ground I do not surrender. When they do notice they move--not I. When they move I thank them and move on to my targeted spot. I wasn't dressed as a dominant--I am and was dominant. I was not rude, I was respectful period. I was an example of being polite, humble and conducted myself accordingly. When I talk to people, I have in my soul that they are the most important people in my world right now--I do care about people, so this is not something that I transmit in a false sense but, most real. It can intimidate people indeed, threaten insecure individuals. They cannot identify it but, they see that 'energy.' So, when they cannot understand it --people fear what they do not understand.
Each command given will have an reaction and or an effect. I do have a method to the degree of experience of the one serving. I do not overwhelm my servant/slave/submissive/trainee. New, the simple tasks, such as fetching a beverage and gentleman conduct is enough. I ease the servant into higher degrees of service slowly and at their pace. My preference in training, would to match an experienced slave with a novice Master/Mistress. The experienced Master/Mistress with a novice slave/submissive. Each experienced individual, be it slave or Master--teaches beyond words. An experienced slave will stay within protocols, function at high quality submission. Being exposed to a functional M/s or D/s exchange, will forever imprint on the novices mind. It all happens with communication, consistancy and patience. And, I am generous with praise. I never end with a but, then list of the things done wrong. The last thing I want a lad/lass to hear, is all the wonderful things they did, my appreciation and my praise. I also listen to the slaves. I teach dominants to listen as well.
Hope this adds to the thread.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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