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When Suspension isn't Good - 9/7/2006 2:47:38 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i would like to address the Gentlemen, if i may, although i know this applies to other dynamics. 

i appeal to Doms/Masters/Tops to please be able to communitcate when You are "not that into her".  Not unlike suspension play, it's not good to leave a girl hanging too long. *laughs*

Recently i've had several prospective Doms either agree to meet and then i never hear from them, or same with phone calls.  One example, Dom wants phone contact because it's easier to get to know someone than emails and IMs but calls during work hours, uses 'Private Number' and leaves message but no return phone number.  This happens three times then nothing, nada.  Example two, Dom says "let's get together for coffee on Tuesday".  Tuesday comes and goes with no contact, time, or place to meet.  Week later, phone call, got busy let's meet this wednesday and the same is repeated.  Example three, maybe coincidence but maybe not...Guy calls, we talk, i get to the part where i mention i have one bird left in the nest, guy suddenly has to get off the phone, never hear from him again.

Gentlemen, it's OKAY to say something like "You seem like a nice woman but I just didn't feel the level of connection I wanted to."  Or something else along those lines, just a nice, non-abusive way of saying "On closer examination, I don't want to be with you."

Nature abhors a vacuum and that goes for information as well,  When there is a vacuum in information we tend to fill it with speculation.  Often the speculation is worse than reality and you see people beating themselves up neadlessly becuase they are desperately trying to figure out "what did i do wrong!" when perhaps there was nothing wrong, just not a match.  Please, Gentlemen (or Ladies or fill in whatever is PC here) just stand on Your hind legs and do the right thing even if it's not the comfortable thing.


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.
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RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/7/2006 2:54:01 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i would like to address the Gentlemen, if i may, although i know this applies to other dynamics. 

i appeal to Doms/Masters/Tops to please be able to communitcate when You are "not that into her".  Not unlike suspension play, it's not good to leave a girl hanging too long. *laughs*


No means no.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/7/2006 7:14:08 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If only it were that easy...this is why the internet can be such a crappy place.

This is also why I no longer make specific dates with people from online.  I tell them when and where I will be at a public party and they can either meet me there or not.  I'm already going, already got friends to hang with- so I'm not really putting anything up to lose. 

Your screening process seems to be working however on step 2-4.  Now just be able to consistently screen them at step 1 and you'll avoid this altogethe.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/7/2006 9:56:05 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		Rather than re-educate the other Doms/Masters/Tops... perhaps you could try to quit picking players? In all the examples you provided, there is only one common element... "you chose to get involved with each loser". 

Review your own examples and see if your own hindsight reveals red flags that your own foresight didn't see. Perhaps a foresight graft would enable you to avoid what it is that you detest (WIITYD)? Hmmmm.... 

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/7/2006 7:07:36 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		When suspension isn't good...

                 ... the sub leaves a big wet stain on the dungeon floor.

*bada bing*

Ok...more seriously, eyesopened, it is hard to know if you are responding to "players", missing cues, or simply suffering the fate of a sincere person on CM confronting the world of fakes, wanna-bes and just plain scared folk.  You didn't give us much to go on in terms of how you select men to follow up with, how much online chat and email contact you require before you move to phone and then in-person, etc.

I do note that in one of your examples: 
quote:

Dom wants phone contact because it's easier to get to know someone than emails and IMs but calls during work hours, uses 'Private Number' and leaves message but no return phone number.  This happens three times then nothing, nada. 
I would diagnose "cheating and cowardly.  And cheap and/or stupid because cell phones are nearly ubiquitious...but maybe he's not away from wifey/mommy/girly's side enough to even make or receive a cell call.

I tend not to blame the vic, here.  FWIW, in placing personal ads on this system and other adult systems, the numbers are pretty abysmal.  You might be contacted by 100s, and you are lucky if you find 10 who are genuine folk that you want to pursue, and 3 actually interest you to have some physical interaction, and maybe, just maybe, you connect with one.  But that might just be My sense of the ratios.  Yours may differ.  Good luck.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/7/2006 8:39:58 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		couple of ideas I will toss out...

Instead of giving them your number, have them give you their number. I have discovered that most men that are serious about actually meeting will offer their number so that you can actually call them using a privacy feature. This doesn't  mean they are actually being completely honest about every detail, such as not married, not just looking to score, no issue about "still having a bird in the nest" & so on.

This will also give you a chance to talk to them at different times of the day. If this guy is married, he isn't going to be able to explain a phone call from you while laying in bed with wifey watching the evening news. Make sure you have been able to speak to him at various times prior to a meeting.

Or maybe just keep it online & in text for a period of time. Those seeking immediate gratification won't put the time or energy into emailing.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 2:07:12 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your comments and for allowing me to rant a bit.  i know we pays our money and takes our chances and i think yes, i need to update my filtering a bit more.  my only addition is that i never make initial contact, each of the "Doms" contacted me initially and i'm not unhappy or even upset that things don't work out.  It is what it is.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 5:11:59 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		When Suspension isn't good, I take the car into a service center and get new shock absorbers fitted. Subs/slaves left hanging ate like the premium fruit of the vine just waiting for the right moment in time to be plucked(fucked)...

Many are those who claim Domly fame,
Yet are so blind they don't know their name.
They see not what kneels before them,
And wonderingly ask out loud "I dinna ken". 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 6:24:28 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Thank you all for your comments and for allowing me to rant a bit.  i know we pays our money and takes our chances and i think yes, i need to update my filtering a bit more.  my only addition is that i never make initial contact, each of the "Doms" contacted me initially and i'm not unhappy or even upset that things don't work out.  It is what it is.


But isn't there a certain folly in that?  I understand, Southern woman, man taking control, etc., but you are speaking about your future.  The last choice a servant makes, and all that.

Don't you have a say in that?  Don't you have tastes?  Don't you at least sometimes peruse profiles and say 'what if'?  If you see something you like, why not at least take a chance?  You might find yourself incredibly fortunate.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 2:33:40 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

IronBear said:  When Suspension isn't good, I take the car into a service center and get new shock absorbers fitted.


Struts, IB.  Its all MacPherson (or sometimes Chapman) struts.  They hardly ever make submissives with shock absorbers anymore.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 2:46:05 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Yup- I can relate. If you think you are alone just do a search of disappearing Doms. It seems to be a common theme with a lot of internet guys. I think it's just too easy to not be accountable. If you meet someone through friends or a group of some kind, if they stand you up there are other people who will know about it. Online they can disappear from your life as quickly and easily as they entered it.

The problem with appealing to a "sense of honor" on the message boards is that the men who need to see it won't be reading it.

I'm going to repeat the single most common bit of advice you'll read on these boards, and that is...get involved in your local scene. Attend munches, go to parties, meet people etc... I kept reading that over and over and over again, but I was just too nervous to go, but finally about a month ago I started attending a few local events and I'm very glad I did.


(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 3:51:19 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Ok well Im female , but I have found just the opposite to be true.  Ive had the displeasure of knowing a few who were needy and clingy.  I have actually told one or two right out that I wasnt feeling it, or we wouldnt be a good fit for whatever reason, and Ive had to block to get them off my back.


(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 4:06:48 PM   
PrimitiveLogic


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline 		As I have said in numerous writings in numerous places...It is far easier to start something than to complete it.  Too many have good intentions/overwhelming desires to make these 'connections';  then have no clue what to do once contact is made. Desire to connect isn't ability. Ability to connect isn't nesc. capacity to  connect. I agree with you eyesopened...this is not a theatrical production to suspend disbelief and trick the audience into believing one is more than one really is. If one has no intent in meeting; make it clear. There is nothing wrong or weak about having simply conversational relationships. It is all about learning.  What we learn isn't always what we thought the lesson was going to be about however.


(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When Suspension isn't Good - 9/8/2006 5:47:16 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i do appreciate all the responses.  i have gone to a few munches and events as well as deomonstrations.  nice people.  not a place to meet prospective Doms (in south carolina men marry young) but definately a good place to learn.  i don't make initial contact because i am shy and haven't done well when i have tried to make contact.  The internet is what it is.  i have just tried to be open and honest.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)
Profile   Post #: 14
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