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A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 6:17:18 AM

onestandingstill

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Hello All,
I would like to get some feedback from the general populous of Masters and Doms on a sub educating herself in books.
My experience in my past D/s relationship initially was reading lifestyle books was a recommended learning tool.
About 11 months into the relationship the table turned.
I was told to discount all the education I took on my own from the books.
I was told the perception of the writer, mixed with my inexperience led me to the point he felt for any new sub to educate herself in books would be doing so from an incorrect perspective.
Well since we were having all kinds of other issues I abided by his wish and cut myself off from educational reading materials in books and on the web. I did not accept his answer in any way was the correct one but I followed what he required of me without a fuss.
Now I'm faced with a Dom friend whom I have the utmost respect for that has divulged he feels his submissive who is beginning to be comfortable with sharing herself limitedly with others is not ready to read the book The Ethical Slut. He said he feels she has other things to work on first before she's ready to read it. She feels it would help her accept and understand some new things and would like to read it. She's heard a brief discription of it's contents and was excited intitially about thinking she could read it.
This has made me re-evaluate my train of thought.
Do you feel a sub should be able to read educational BDSM books she's interested in? Do you feel she should only read ones you approve? Or lastly do you feel a new sub does not have the discernment ability to learn from books valid information?
I honestly want to see what mainstream society thinks about this.

My personal opinion is knowledge is power. The more I read, the more thoughts I consider, thus the more I grow and learn. I think I have the ability to not only decide where I agree or disagree with the stated point, but also the ability to discuss with anyone I submit to what their feelings are on it so I follow their view not mine. I also ponder how many would consider this resistant to their Masters training path this is for a sub to expect to learn from several sources?
Thanks for your time in advance,
Suzanne

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 7:11:07 AM

midnyt

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i am a sub. i have read a few books and so has Master. i luv to read. i think when one reads educational books..take all that was read into consideration but never forget every Master has their own personal training for a sub/slave and it probly wont be the same as all the info you learned out of a book. All Masters have their likes and dislikes and i think that the best knowledge can only come from your own Master. In the end Master does have the final say and you ultimately have two choices...abide by his decision or not! i can think of worse things my Master wouldnt allow me to do than read a book. personally its not a battle im willing to take on. if i felt strongly about it(which i do) i would communicate my feelings to Him how ever i wouldnt cross the line over a book.
~midnyt~

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 7:25:52 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Suzanne, as long as you've been in the scene now, I find it difficult to believe you sincerely don't know the answer to this question.

Reading is good, knowledge is good.

Now, anyone who would just believe anything they read in a book as gospel without applying any critical thinking towards it is an idiot and should be protected from themselves.

I can even see a dom having a limited period in the beginning of training in which they isolated the sub to make them focus on the proper techniques and perspectives that the dom wanted (though, in general, this is rarely necessary).

But preventing a hungry mind and denying exposure to different and new ideas is ridiculous. And people who get threatened by them are as bad as any dead headed zealot.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 9:26:10 AM

CrappyDom

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Only cowards fear knowledge and the ideas of others.

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 9:54:55 AM

Celeste43

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I have major issues with censorship of any kind. He doesn't care what I read, he just wants me to talk to him about the ideas that come up. Telling a grown woman that she isn't smart enough to understand the concepts in a book is offensive as hell, and no matter he worded it otherwise, this is what it comes down to.

Basically, if you don't have enough background, you might not understand part of the book. If you recognize you don't understand it, then you talk to someone who you feel could explain it. If the concept just goes over your head, then it doesn't matter, it'll click when you get more experience and then you'll talk it over with someone you trust.

My immediate, knee jerk reaction is that anyone who would censor reading is someone who is espousing selfish ideas and that he knows once she reads this, he'll be caught out. I really don't like book banning.

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 10:14:25 AM

onestandingstill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: midnyt

i am a sub. i have read a few books and so has Master. i luv to read. i think when one reads educational books..take all that was read into consideration but never forget every Master has their own personal training for a sub/slave and it probly wont be the same as all the info you learned out of a book. All Masters have their likes and dislikes and i think that the best knowledge can only come from your own Master. In the end Master does have the final say and you ultimately have two choices...abide by his decision or not! i can think of worse things my Master wouldnt allow me to do than read a book. personally its not a battle im willing to take on. if i felt strongly about it(which i do) i would communicate my feelings to Him how ever i wouldnt cross the line over a book.
~midnyt~

Thanks for your imput. So you agree with the way I handled it. Thanks for your imput.
Suzanne

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 10:17:43 AM

onestandingstill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Suzanne, as long as you've been in the scene now, I find it difficult to believe you sincerely don't know the answer to this question.

Hey LA,
I think you missed my point. Maybe you didn't see the part where I specifically say I thought is was good to read and that I am just seeing what others perspectives are. I know where I stand I'm just curious if my platform is mainstream or right wing. Pondering others positions does not leave my position insincere,
Thanks for your perspective though. I appreciate your answer.
Suzanne

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 10:20:13 AM

onestandingstill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I have major issues with censorship of any kind. He doesn't care what I read, he just wants me to talk to him about the ideas that come up. Telling a grown woman that she isn't smart enough to understand the concepts in a book is offensive as hell, and no matter he worded it otherwise, this is what it comes down to.

Basically, if you don't have enough background, you might not understand part of the book. If you recognize you don't understand it, then you talk to someone who you feel could explain it. If the concept just goes over your head, then it doesn't matter, it'll click when you get more experience and then you'll talk it over with someone you trust.

My immediate, knee jerk reaction is that anyone who would censor reading is someone who is espousing selfish ideas and that he knows once she reads this, he'll be caught out. I really don't like book banning.

Hi Celeste,
Me too till this one Dom who's someone I think is a good leader told me he didn't think his girl was ready for one yet. That's what made me think is this possibly a tool Doms want to control tightly in general or is it rare.
Thanks,
Suzanne

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 10:24:30 AM

onestandingstill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Only cowards fear knowledge and the ideas of others.

Thanks Very much for responding CrappyDom.
I'm glad at least one Dominant did & that my opinion mirrors yours.
Suzanne

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RE: A Matter of Books - 9/7/2006 11:14:23 AM

Lashra

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Very true Crappydom. I encourage anyone Dom/sub to read and learn as much as possible. If someone is discouraging you from learning from a book containing valid information, to me that is a red flag. Possibly they have some insecurity issue that needs to be addressed.

I allow my sub to read anything he wants to as I feel reading is a wonderful informational tool and in some cases, a temporary escape from reality (depending upon the genre of course).

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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