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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/8/2005 12:45:18 PM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting. It's easy to understand, though, that the forum members here do NOT reflect the world at large. When meeting newbies or less-experienced people, I get told that I'm not "playing the role right" when we meet. More experienced people can sit and have a conversations about politics, cats, and local cuisine, and we can still know who we are inherently.

If they want to "play" at the first meeting before we even leave a restaurant, then they are obviously not looking for the same thing I am.

I meet people as people, they need to understand and accept that there are no obligations to behaviors, actions or anything else until a lot further down the road. If they think they need that to convince them of who I am, then they have a lot more growing and learning to go before we are going to connect.

Purr

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/8/2005 7:20:23 PM   
sterlingsweet


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline 		With my first mistress, we started online, we talked and got to know each other as people, after we were feeling we were compatable and liked each other and wanted to pursue a D/s relationship we started that on-line but meet very quickly after that.

It being a (short) long distance thing she drove up and I went back down to her place and spent a month R/T with her last Summer and also 2 weeks last Fall.

We used the times to be predominately in D/s mode but also had lots of down time were we spent talking and just getting to know each other on deeper levels. We are still very close.

< Message edited by sterlingsweet -- 1/8/2005 7:22:18 PM >

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/9/2005 12:01:32 AM   
Darthbetta


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline 		I feel very vindicated now by this thread :) thank you all.

Being " REAL" is what this is all about. I keep it such, and too bad the "fantasy" Greenies and n00bs tend to not understqand it. I have been called Fake, Un-domly and other crap before, and I and many others KNOW the differances in IRL and On-line jokesters. Saddly, "expectations" are wrong and I am glad that many people here seem to want the "package deal".

Thank you :)

(in reply to sterlingsweet)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/9/2005 8:39:27 AM   
sweetnygirl


Posts: 106
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with lilninotchka in that I want the Dom to be the person. I need to be attracted on both levels to even consider going any further than just meeting with them. For me if they aren't someone that I enjoy talking with or being with in all situations I won't go any further than an initial meeting. I like to be mentally stimulated first and see where that leads. Of course the physical attraction needs to be there for me as well, but I have found if their personality attracts me,the physical soon follows.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/9/2005 11:52:34 AM   
darlyn


Posts: 24
Status: offline
quote:

...what is the most important thing to you when having a "new" Master show interest in you ? do you meet to met "the DOM" first, and then The PERSON ? or other ?


Interestingly enough, i have seen all three scenarios to those 'first meetings'...

The 'Person' showed up... it was so very vanilla that i just couldn't see myself serving this Dominant, even though He seemed to be genuinally a good person that would have been an honor to serve.

The 'Dom' showed up, in which He didn't want me to look up at Him nor speak unless spoken to... and i had begun to wonder if He hadn't brushed His teeth in a year or something and was afraid i'd see He drawn in a tooth or two on His profile pic....

The 'Person' showed up first and the 'Dom' join later.... it probably took at least a couple hours of talking and laughing before the 'Dom' showed up... ever so slightly at first, but definately present... in a public place no less, i felt that 'rush' of my nature make my head spin. It was that 'oh, yeah' moment... luckily for both Master and myself... it was a mutual 'oh, yeah' moment.







_____________________________

~darlyn~

"Nurturing the mind is just as important as pushing the limits of the body." ~ Master of my Destiny

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/9/2005 5:42:51 PM   
Darthbetta


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline 		^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

thank you.. you made my dick hard :D

Gald I am who I am and that I have the aproach I have, and that I choose to be REAL and who I am all the time.

_____________________________

Some of us have an inane knack for calling people on their Bullshit... I just choose to retort with bitter dry Sarcasm, and occasionaly it sinks in. Mostly, I just look like an ass.

(in reply to darlyn)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/9/2005 7:33:16 PM   
cranialcarnage


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline 		It has been my experience that the most insecure Doms are the ones that act incredibly Domly at first meeting, so I would be much more interested in someone that can exude a quiet, almost subliminal dominance. I especially like the kind of Dom that can act completely silly and off the wall, piss me off with a good debating match, and still make me want to drop to my knees without having to force me there.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/9/2005 8:44:15 PM   
TeasedWhispers


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Right outside of the Philadelphia Area
Status: offline 		Honestly I want to meet the person before anything because that shows so much to me about who I'd be dominating to...cause people can change in the blink of an eye;)

_____________________________

A puppy is a man's best friend while a object is something he adores, what happened when he has both? Could it be love?

http://www.lessthanhuman.com

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/10/2005 8:33:52 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		I went looking for a life support machine for a whip, so i guess, at the outset, i wanted to meet the Dom.
Subsequently, we are now a D/s couple and very much in love. But that was not my intention when we met.

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/11/2005 1:41:20 AM   
BeneathHerFeet


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/7/2004
Status: offline 		i'd really want to know the person first, then the Domme. As with any relationship, things flow better when Y/you know what makes each other tick. i consider myself more of a submissive than anything else, but with a Domme i know on both levels and trust, i could see myself as a slave.

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/11/2005 2:39:00 AM   
lissalooks


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		i personally would want to meet the person first, before they can be a Dom or a man that i would want to talk to they must be a gentleman, so i always look at that first, hope it helps.....

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/13/2005 2:00:22 PM   
masterofsolace


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I want to talk and talk and talk about all aspects of the person then meet as soon as possible so who and what I am do not become distorted into some sort to a superDom that I can not measure up to.

Tell me of your real life, tell me of your lifestyle life, tell me of your hard and soft limits, tell me what you do for a living, tell me how you would or could serve me, tell me what type of music you like, etc. etc, etc. but tell me for I want to know, need to know before any decision can be made for where the relationship is or is not going

(in reply to lissalooks)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/15/2005 12:21:04 PM   
histrblmkr


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Scenariou... you are found by, (Or find) a Master, and you send emails, chat, yackety yackk on the phone, and decide to meet.

Who do you want to know first ?

The DOM ?
or
The PERSON ?


I would have to say that you would want to meet both as I believe you can't have one without the other. It is the persons nature to be dominant and it will come through in their vanilla surroundings. My Master for instance is a very take charge person and it projects in EVERYTHING he does.
linda

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/15/2005 8:59:20 PM   
UniquelyMe


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline 		The person without a doubt... talking about fantasies is all well and good on the 'Net but I like it to be "OK, this is what I like type of thing" instead of an "OK Sir" role-playing. Everyone has many different sides to themselves no matter what relationship it is and the person (INMHO) plays one of (if not the) most integral part of him or herself. In the BDSM world you might have the same interests, likes, dislikes, etc. but unless that's strictly your only time in dealing with each other wouldn't it be prudent to find out the other parties "vanilla" likes/dislikes/personality etc. So, yah, person first without a doubt, although once I meet the Master we'll have lots of fun!!

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/16/2005 4:08:49 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix
As far as cybering? No WAY! You have no idea of who is on the other end of that connection. It could be a cheater,a total nut case,or even another GUY. I'm not going to fullfill someone's online fantasies,I have better things to do with my time!


*laugh* I enjoy cybering. And you know what? Whoever is on the other end of the connection is there to fulfill my fantasy. They could be a total nutcase, an 80-year-old grandmother, or a guy and I really don't care.

When meeting someone for the first time I am always present as the person first. That's evident in my profile here. If there are any sparks between me and another person, the dom side will make its presence known fairly automatically.



(in reply to RealityFix)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/16/2005 10:49:31 PM   
ShadowKnight


Posts: 40
Joined: 12/7/2004
From: Missoula, Montana
Status: offline 		Greetings,

In my opinion it doesn't matter who you are meeting they should be one and the same. As Popeye says, " I yam what I yam". I do not see Myself to be in parts or able to turn things on or off at will. Being dominant isn't a role I play.

The same thing for those people I meet...I expect that they are who they are and have not put on a front or a mask. If I see indications that this is not the case then it is obviously time to say goodbye and part ways.

Just My two tarn bits,

ShadowKnight

_____________________________

What is weightier than gold yet depresses no scale?

The collar is put on from without, but what it encircles comes from within. Slavery, true slavery, comes from within.

(in reply to Manawyddan)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/17/2005 12:05:00 AM   
SwitchNCgal


Posts: 79
Joined: 11/16/2004
Status: offline 		that is true i hate those jerks that the frist or second line is "kneel" like any person with a bit of selfrespect would follow that command!

_____________________________

A switch gal that needs a little special help now and then and is stuck in the southeast.

(in reply to liltxsubby)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/17/2005 1:05:47 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		If I was paying for his/ her services I'd want to meet the Dom first and that's all I'd really want to bother with. I can't see myself ever paying for those kind of services though, too personal and intimate. I would always expect to meet the person before seeing the Dom or sub side of them.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 38
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