what should i do (Full Version)

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tastejuslikcandi -> what should i do (9/8/2006 8:40:20 AM)

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them. i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 8:44:07 AM)

Follow the advice I gave to you yesterday:  Don't make any commitments for at least 6 months.



PrincessAmanda -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 8:47:18 AM)

move on this does not sound like a good Relationship ... any relationship even BDSM needs listening on both sides ....




Silvermoon -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 9:19:17 AM)

Move on hon.



AnAtlantaDom -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 9:25:05 AM)

Past time to move on, long past!!
 
AD



Owned1 -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 9:30:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Follow the advice I gave to you yesterday:  Don't make any commitments for at least 6 months.



Ditto and do the reading suggested to you while you are serving your waiting period.  You are young and will make mistakes if you do not educate yourself first, the mistakes might be ones you cannot change or may effect you for a long time.

Spend time on the forums, find a female who you can talk/type to who has no sexual interest in you or wants to own you.

Focus on your formal education, get that degree and career, spend time with your child as a mom. 

Think honestly do you have time right now in your life to devote to another???

Owned



Casie -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 10:17:51 AM)

I would defintally take ALOT more time to do research and reading and growing a submissive on your own. Build friendships with those in the lifestyle so yu can hear of others experinces ext. Obviously you should end this relationship. Someone who doesn't take the time or effort to explain things to you and help you learn and grow isn't a good choice for anyone, expessially a novice.



Mavis -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 10:23:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi
i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things



If this person is "training you"  isn't He supposed to be teaching you the very things you do not know?  A true trainer would understand and expect that you don't know, which is why a sub seeks training.   a "Trainer" who expects you to come half- trained isn't looking to train only.. they expect some level of service from you.  Beware the distinction there.

quote:


i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like


He is making demands on you that are more appropriate for a Dominant to submissive relationship.. NOT a trainer-trainee relationship. 

Let's define some terms..  a trainer is the person who teaches you job skills for a new position at work, right?  They are not the boss.  The boss allows the trainer to set skills in place.. but the boss is the person who benefits from the trained skills.   Same with a BDSM trainer.  they would teach you certain skills that will benefit an eventual Dominant.  The problem there is it's not likely the trainer ever knows exactly what the Dominant will want in His sub, and you'll have missed the joy of training under the person you have submitted to.

You're possibly confusing the role of this trainer with an eventual boss...  and it would seem, so is he.  Is either of you voicing or considering this relationship going to Dom/sub, or to an ownership situation? 



juliaoceania -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 10:25:07 AM)

Is this an online dom? He may not be a dominant at all. I would be very wary of someone "training" me that was angry with me over the internet. It sounds troubling to me.



sub4hire -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 10:57:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Is this an online dom? He may not be a dominant at all. I would be very wary of someone "training" me that was angry with me over the internet. It sounds troubling to me.


I have to agree with Julia.  If someone cannot control their temper here what do you really think they would be like in person?
Here it is easy to put on false persona's and if you anger someone they can walk away and cool down, you'd never even know you angered them.
Yet if they strike out at you here....imagine what real life would be like?
Just because someone claims they are a dom does not mean they are one.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 11:03:35 AM)

Also FYI, this is what Candi posted yesterday:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_575073/tm.htm
hello i am new i would like to know some sites i could go to learn more about being submissive or if ireally am one just  site the tell more about the lifestyle



MasterFireMaam -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 11:27:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me

But does he want to train you?

quote:

but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them.

Sounds like he doesn't.

quote:

i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like

Then the two of you are not a match.

quote:

well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone


To me, it seems like this might be a case of you projecting onto him. Projection is a psychological term that basically means that we see the person being who and what we want them to be or reacting in the way we want or except them to react. The problem with this is that often, they are not this person and they do not react this way.

Really look at what's going on and see if you are wanting him to train you or be your Master or whatever simply because you're attracted to him in some way. It really doesn't sound like you're a match. Especially if you've only met him in the last day or so. By your previous posts, it seems that you met last night.

Do some initial research on your own. Don't rely on others to teach or train you about the simple basics. LA can post a whole list of resources for new people, if you ask.

Master Fire



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 11:52:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Do some initial research on your own. Don't rely on others to teach or train you about the simple basics. LA can post a whole list of resources for new people, if you ask.

Master Fire

Thanks :) I did indeed do that yesterday when she asked.



NastyDaddy -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 12:16:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them. i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone

Perhaps you are not ready to engage in a relationship just because you like the concept?  Find out more about yourself before you opt for having "your very own dom" (like all the other kids on the block who saw the movie Secretary)... seriously.



littleone35 -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 2:40:21 PM)

I would walk away sound to me like you 2 are not a good match take the time to read and learn before you even think about getting into any kind of a relationship.

Matt's littleone



LadyHugs -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 4:13:59 PM)

Dear tastejuslikcandi, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Lass, I have to agree with the previous posters.  Slaves don't just happen over night. 
 
Training is a very broad field, to which I would have to ask; what is a trainer going to train you for?  What are the qualifications of training you? 
 
Training people is listening to the one who wishes to be trained, understanding them, being patient, communicating, showing how it is done or be there right at your side while showing you.  Training slaves is in my mind's eye, is to have a slave be free in service within boundaries established.  Not be some cheap labor, to be taken advantage of.  In addition, the child is your first priority.  And, training is not humiliation but showing you how to see your power and how to manage it.
 
If you wish to consider training, perhaps attending an established training academy, such as Butchman's Academy or Master Taino's Academy.  Both offer classes for women, as well as for Masters, Mistresses and slaves.  There are many people there to pull information, experiences and such as to 'speak to your soul.'
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 



ayasha -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 4:15:34 PM)

learning about the lifestyle and your submission does take a lot of time and energy.  Maybe it would be best for you to learn from some of the websites available online instead of a Dominant at this time.  There are many websites for those new to the lifestyle, new to submission.  You could participate in these as your time allows. 

Your priorities sound as if they are in order - if he does not agree, then he might not be the right one to try and train you.  Do not let him add to unnecessary stress to your life. 



greeneyesub65 -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 6:46:21 PM)

I had this problem and it never got better. A true Dom listens and helps his submissive figure out positive out comes for her issues.  Remember only two words in D/s trust and communication. you deserve a Dom who cares more.



eyezOfblue -> RE: what should i do (9/8/2006 6:56:50 PM)

As others have said:

You do not need a trainer, you need to take time to learn about yourself and the submissive you believe is inside you.  Why the rush?

blue



OsideGirl -> RE: what should i do (9/10/2006 3:50:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them. i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone


Why in the world would you want to be with someone who behaves this way?

He: 1) Has no patience or care for the fact that you're a novice. 2) Has no concept of your real life responsibilities 3) Uses "you're not submissive" as a blackmail weapon 4) gets angry when asked to discuss 1 through 3.

At the beginning of any involvement people put themselves forward in the best possible manner. If this is his best, can you imagine what he'll be like after 6 months?

Move on. Take your time. Firgure out exactly what it is that you're looking for.



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