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trust - 9/8/2006 1:58:12 PM   
tastejuslikcandi


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		i have had a very hard life especially with people that were supposed to be there for me including family was not their so sometimes i have trust issues. i try to tell my self that i have to let my inabitionsits hard for me at times i want to so badly i can feel it wanting to let go of that but i dont know how i should just do it.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: trust - 9/8/2006 2:05:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Time is your best helper.

Then there's good judgement.  If you don't have good judgement, then any choice you make will be suspect and likely not the best one.  Good judgement comes from past mistakes, educating yourself, and acting on strength, not fear.  Don't repeat your mistakes, be aware of them and change your habits and perceptions to make better choices.

Watch people, see how they act over long periods of time (months).  Trust is a series of small leaps that must be reinforced. 

http://www.collarchat.com/m_548339/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#548757
To trust or not to trust

http://www.collarchat.com/m_534521/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#534848
trust and abandonment issues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_48957/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#48957
trust betrayed by master

http://www.collarchat.com/m_96129/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#96129
will I ever trust a man again

http://www.collarchat.com/m_329482/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#329482
learning to trust again after being hurt

http://www.collarchat.com/m_346651/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#346651
how do you deal with broken trust?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_398537/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#398537
trust...how to mend when it is broken

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: trust - 9/8/2006 4:17:18 PM   
ayasha


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		smiles, you do not need to rush it.  Get to know people, and let any type of friendship/relationshp develop naturally. 

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)
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RE: trust - 9/8/2006 5:06:59 PM   
Casie


Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		I also have had simular problems expessially with the whole people who are suppose to love you most not being there or being there and being horrible which trust is worse then them being gone all together. I learned to take my time chose the people I have relationships (both friendship and intimate). Taking your time and getting to know people, Trust isn't something you can just give to anyone trust is something you build. 

(in reply to ayasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: trust - 9/9/2006 8:52:37 AM   
joyousslave


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have a similar question.  My Master has issues around trust, and often is suspicious of me and my behavior.  I don't know how to deal with this.  It often gets to what I call verbal abuse, and I cannot continue in that.  It is a hard boundary for me, and I feel I am the one that determines if it is abusive.  Do you have any suggestions for this kind of problem.  I love my Master.  I want badly to give myself up to Him.  This issue needs to find some resolution. 

(in reply to Casie)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: trust - 9/9/2006 11:27:31 AM   
Steelriven


Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		Time... I'm a very independant person because of my experinces and it's just simply who I am. You may find it hard to trust a partner for a while, but in time it will grow. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Let your partner know how you feel... Discuss it, you'll feel better.

(in reply to joyousslave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: trust - 9/9/2006 12:09:45 PM   
ayasha


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		joyousslave - it sounds as if you became Owned before the two of you knew each other well enough.  you do not have to stay in a situation that does not make you happy.  The trust issue is your Master's issue, not yours - and it will wear you down.  you can't give yourself up to Him unless both of you trust each other completely - and if that hasn't happened by now, then it probably never will - especially as it sounds as if damage has already been done to the relationship.  one wishes you the best...............

(in reply to joyousslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: trust - 9/9/2006 9:10:01 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		candi~*
  Be patient with yourself, and careful in who you chose to trust. There are pletny of others who are slow to trust, and perhaps you can find someone who moves at the same speed. Be clear about your patterns of the past, and come up with new ways to act and react, instead of using your non-trusting reactions. Sometimes fear keeps us safe, sometimes it keeps us from living... only you can decide where is stems from in you.

joyous~*
  It is possible to overcome what you are hearing as abuse, but you have to be willing to turn over the decision about being the one who determines when it is verbal abuse.
  know this sounds really far fetched, but i do believe you love your Master and want things to work with Him. If you can losten to what He is feeling intead of what He is saying, you can ovrcome your negative reaction, and very possibly help Him to trust you in a way He has never trusted before. These things take time. i am happy to discuss it further with you, off the list, if you are interested.

i wish you both well~*
Humbly,
Master's dorei

(in reply to ayasha)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: trust - 9/12/2006 10:02:16 AM   
joyousslave


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline 		thank you steelriven for your response.  I believe it to be very good advice and will be patient.  W/we are able to communicate about these things, and have developed a timeout/safeword system that works to cool things down enough that W/we can come back together and discuss important issues without the heat and still in the D/s roles we choose.  

< Message edited by joyousslave -- 9/12/2006 10:03:12 AM >

(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: trust - 9/12/2006 10:15:02 AM   
joyousslave


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline 		ayasha,  thank you for responding to my question and need.  W/we are very new to this D/s dynamic, though W/we have been together for over two years.  I believe this is just an issue that needs dealt with whether in mundane life or in the D/s lifestyle W/we are choosing.  The issues stem from past hurts and that W/we both carry this baggage around has just recently become clear.  I think that will help U/us begin to learn to move past this and trust each other given time and dedication, both of which W/we have in spades.    

(in reply to ayasha)
Profile   Post #: 10
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