please explain

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tastejuslikcandi -> please explain (9/8/2006 2:09:08 PM)
i am a newbie at the lifestyle i have talked to some doms alot of them are intrested in training me but i have ran unto alot of them that expect me to know things i dont. or they are unwilling to understand i am not going to be used to doing things a certain way i dont mind them reminding me that thats what i am supposed to do but they get angry at me i know it takes time for me to completely be trained i am willing to be trained but i need some one that is paient with me.

PrimitiveLogic -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 2:12:02 PM)
Please continue to listen to your instincts and intuition...they seem to be on target so far.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 2:14:46 PM)
They are trying to make you feel insecure and shame you in any way possible so they can take control of you. And it's working. Fresh meat is always highly desired, and usually easy to manipulate and use. If you stopped looking at all of these men as "potential suitors" and took time to actually get your footing and read through all those links I gave you yesterday, you'd be a lot more relaxed.

Bearlee -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 2:16:07 PM)
If you're a newbie you shouldn't yet be training with anybody...you should more likely just be meeting people, making friends and watching, reading, talking. Period. Find a group in your area, go to munches, make friends of other submissives. Check out reading lists, use Google and do online searches for lifestyle information. In my experience...trainers, by and large, train you to do things THEY like; and each Dom is different! Training, per se, isn't going to teach you much, in the long run...learning about the lifestyle will. Good luck, bearlee

ShadowMster -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 2:27:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi i am a newbie at the lifestyle. i have talked to some doms alot of them are intrested in training me but i have ran unto alot of them that expect me to know things i dont. or they are unwilling to understand i am not going to be used to doing things a certain way i dont mind them reminding me that thats what i am supposed to do but they get angry at me First of all, I would suggest you take a deep breath as it sounds like your letting the "wanna be" doms get to you. Being Dom (or Domme) requires more then just sitting back and barking orders. There is a reason why you see over and over again that "training" is a part of this lifestyle. Any Dom that expected you to know how to serve day one is kidding himself and doing you an unjustice. Each Dom is different (as well as each slave). Even with years and years of experience, each will ask that they be served in different ways. While some doms will expect you to ask permission for this or that, others may be upset with being questioned about it. It's an individual thing. In all, if a dom is not willing to give you a chance to learn their desires, hit the ignore button on them and move on.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 2:31:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShadowMster While some doms will expect you to ask permission for this or that, others may be upset with being questioned about it. It's an individual thing. In all, if a dom is not willing to give you a chance to learn their desires, hit the ignore button on them and move on. I'm not so worried about the 90% of dork doms who try the bashing and instant insecurity method to get new meat- since she's already made a post about it, she's not as likely to just fall into that. I'm worried about the 10% of dork doms who can romanticize, seduce and be consistent long enough for her to fall for a morsel of sincere attention and then be caught. However, it's her life and her choices.

mstrjx -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 4:07:28 PM)
<--------- tries to figure out which kind of dork he qualifies for quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I'm not so worried about the 90% of dork doms who try the bashing and instant insecurity method to get new meat- since she's already made a post about it, she's not as likely to just fall into that. I'm worried about the 10% of dork doms who can romanticize, seduce and be consistent long enough for her to fall for a morsel of sincere attention and then be caught.

CrappyDom -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 4:33:33 PM)
Wow, I am in LA's to 10% of Doms!

juliaoceania -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 5:00:59 PM)
A morsel of sincere attention is worth far more than a mound of insincere attention.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 5:11:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania A morsel of sincere attention is worth far more than a mound of insincere attention. But a thousand times more dangerous as a form of bait.

tastejuslikcandi -> RE: please explain (9/8/2006 6:41:44 PM)
well thank you very much for all yall your advice i think there a lil good in all of them.

Tikkiee -> RE: please explain (9/9/2006 5:50:23 AM)
quote: but i have ran unto alot of them that expect me to know things i dont then perhaps you should stress the fact with them that you are still learning and that there are things you do not, and could not possibly know. quote: or they are unwilling to understand i am not going to be used to doing things a certain way If they are unwilling to understand your fears, then it's time to say good-bye to them. quote: i dont mind them reminding me that thats what i am supposed to do Really? You mean you are supposed to do things even if it goes against your own feelings simply because they tell you that you are supposed to? Interesting. I would like to read the rule book that says 'In the beginning of a relationship, YOU must do everything I say, exactly as I say, when I say, simply because I say it should be this way" Hello. Are you human? Or a robot? quote: it takes time for me to completely be trained Hmm, are you a puppy?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: please explain (9/9/2006 10:03:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi i am a newbie at the lifestyle i have talked to some doms alot of them are intrested in training me but i have ran unto alot of them that expect me to know things i dont. or they are unwilling to understand i am not going to be used to doing things a certain way i dont mind them reminding me that thats what i am supposed to do but they get angry at me i know it takes time for me to completely be trained i am willing to be trained but i need some one that is paient with me. Are you even reading what people are writing to you? Here's your thread from yesterday entitled "What should i do?" In it, you ask: "i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them. i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone" Which is just an individual representation of what you're asking today. I suggest going to read the answers to your other theads, too. you've only been asking the same question, in various forms, for 3 days. Or, we can all just tell you what you kee fishing to hear: that dom you're thinking about IS THE ONE. you should shut up and do what he says. Master Fire

Totalmaster4you -> RE: please explain (9/12/2006 2:02:41 AM)
First as PrimativeLogic suggested keep listening to your instincts to keep you safe. There are a lot frauds in this community and the damage they do is as much mental as physical. But when it's right damn it's good so it's worth your continuing to search. I have some suggestions that might help to organize your thoughts. One thing you can do is find a Master/Dom online that you like and learn the basics from them. They should also be willing to just talk with you and answer your questions. I must say that I disagree with bearlee regarding training. A Top who is the real thing can train a slave/sub with more than just what they like. I have trained slaves for other Masters. To do this I need to ask a lot of questions to make sure I give the slave back with the new skills they wanted. Even a slave could give herself to me and I would ask the questions to give her what she wanted from the training. I would guess that all of the Masters/Doms that took time to respond here probably could do a good job training because they care and that is one of the big differences between the fakes and the real deal. *I will be happy to talk withyou further if you wish to contact me.* *Take care,* *Master Alan[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif[/image]* PS. LuckyAlbatross, if I did my math correctly you've got 100% of the male Tops as essentially useless "Dork Doms". I think it's sad that some men in your past have left you so bitter and angry. Just as there are men who are jerks there are an equal amount of women with the same defects. I'm not saying that you are one only that you met some in your past and they damaged you. There are good people of both sexes and I would hope that you have both in your life and that way you have balance and harmony in your life and in your future.

Wolfie648 -> RE: please explain (9/12/2006 2:39:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi i am a newbie at the lifestyle i have talked to some doms alot of them are intrested in training me but i have ran unto alot of them that expect me to know things i dont. or they are unwilling to understand i am not going to be used to doing things a certain way i dont mind them reminding me that thats what i am supposed to do but they get angry at me i know it takes time for me to completely be trained i am willing to be trained but i need some one that is paient with me. You are running into 2 things. 1) doms (resepectfully?) 2) yourself. You can't be expected to know what you have not been told. Once you have been in a long term relationship with a dom and for whatever reason come out of it you need to relearn for the new dom - painful for everyone. I would sugest you are a sub and not a slave. Easy definition: Subs have safe word - ie RED - quit doing that right now because that's not working for me - and slaves - do what you want that works for me. Simplified yes but then I am considering the audience. D (owner of j)

MrrPete -> RE: please explain (9/12/2006 3:16:39 AM)
You will find a wealth of information at: www.fetishexchange.org Groups in Wichita, KS: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TwistedTemptations/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ksbdsm/ Most not all Doms who offer training just want to get into you skivvies whether they will admit it or not. So be careful The 2 groups I mention above have educational seminars quite often. Most have live demos so you can see how it is done by that presenter. It's best to go to more than one seminar on a given topic with different presenters to round out your knowledge. Also read up on the subject too. The more knowledge you have the better. You can also volunteer to be the "Demo dummy" for the presentation. A very safe way to experience wiitwd. [What It Is That We Do] Be sure to let the presenter kow your level of experiennce so they can adjust to your level.

Mavis -> RE: please explain (9/12/2006 1:19:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you *PS. LuckyAlbatross, if I did my math correctly you've got 100% of the male Tops as essentially useless "Dork Doms".* No Sir... she was dividing the dork dom category.. 90 + 10 = 100 of dork doms. she never stated what slice of ALL doms was in the dork dom categoy. could be only 2%. (but W/we know better..it's closer to 40%. lol) dork Dom/mes.. 40% Fat Doms, Skinny Doms, Doms who climb on rocks.. 2% Wanna-Be Dom/mes who will never make it.. 15% Wanna-Be Dom/mes who are actually getting there..10% Trainer Dom/mes that actually serve a useful purpose.. 2% Good Dom/mes that don't match your needs..20% Good Dom/me, good match, AND you might meet in this lifetime... 11% [Edited to add, of course it's all tongue in cheek, i'm sure a Top-sider will have a proposed breakdown for us bottom-siders as well! :)

bluelace001 -> RE: please explain (9/13/2006 7:22:22 AM)
One of the things i learned quick when i was a newbie is that a dom that wants to train you right off is most likely a troll, (preditor, wanna be) especially online. One thing that helped was to not advertise that i was a newbie. I was really fortunate, i found dominants that simply wanted to look out for my best interest. They became my friends and mentors and helped me see when someone was not what they seemed. I agree with the post that said, make friends, read, and learn about the lifestyle. I would also suggest getting involved in a local r/t community. Go to a munch and find out if they have classes and such for newbies. Here in California, they have a lot of these things available for novices. sincerely, bluelace_V (property of Viper_001)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: please explain (9/13/2006 7:31:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis No Sir... she was dividing the dork dom category.. 90 + 10 = 100 of dork doms. she never stated what slice of ALL doms was in the dork dom categoy. could be only 2%. Exactly, nice to know someone understands basic statistics. IMO dork doms comprise about 70% of the overall self identified dominant population. Do I really come off as bitter and angry or was he mis-extrapolating in his endeavor to be a white knight?

Pimpernell -> RE: please explain (9/13/2006 7:50:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis No Sir... she was dividing the dork dom category.. 90 + 10 = 100 of dork doms. she never stated what slice of ALL doms was in the dork dom categoy. could be only 2%. Exactly, nice to know someone understands basic statistics. IMO dork doms comprise about 70% of the overall self identified dominant population. Do I really come off as bitter and angry or was he mis-extrapolating in his endeavor to be a white knight? Well, since you do seem to bring up dork doms in every single answer that's not a list of threads, we do wonder why you harbour such hatred against dorks. Personally I suspect you had a crush on the chess club champion at high school and have never gotten over him rejecting your advances.

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