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RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/8/2006 9:37:51 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

The last I heard, the divorce rate in the USA was at 60%

Why do you think it's so high? 


There are lots of reasons. Here are a few that come to mind:

Clearly defined roles have vanished.
Huge influx of women into the workforce.
Increasing independence of women.
Increasing marital power struggles.
Poor/vauge communication regarding key issues prior to marriage.
Stigma no longer attached to divorce.
Increasing life longevity. 
General deterioration of ethics and morals.
Increasing focus on instant gratification. 
Etc., etc.  

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/8/2006 9:55:05 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		You know what I love about CollarMe?  People here don't bother to let facts get in the way of a good rant, or story.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/8/2006 11:35:03 PM   
Kedicat


Posts: 251
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

The last I heard, the divorce rate in the USA was at 60%

Why do you think it's so high? 

And another trend is couples having their children first then deciding whether to get married or not.  Is this really wise?

(maybe all this is not a 'trend" ..maybe it's been going for a while and I've just noticed- be gentle with me here.  I just want to know what's going on out there and/or "What the heck are you THINKIN' "?!)


ME ME ME ME ! Sacrifice, longterm, thinking ahead. Things of the past. Disposable everything is where it's at.


< Message edited by Kedicat -- 9/8/2006 11:36:49 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/9/2006 1:55:20 AM   
indisub


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline 		I tried everything I could think of to work out some kind of way - ANY way - to keep my marriage working. The kids have made it ever more important to me to to find a way to stay together.
I hope with all my heart that if i marry again - I will not take it more lightly - but make a commitment that will last.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/10/2006 8:45:24 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		indisub, please don't confuse the discussion of statistics with individual occurences.  I, and I think all the participants in this thread, recognize that individual divorces can be hurtful and disturbing.  I respect your attempts to keep your family intact.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to indisub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/10/2006 9:49:18 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		Here is a fascinating article analyzing these "divorce rates".  Give it a read.

http://divorcesupport.about.com/cs/divorcestep1/a/aa061699_2.htm

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 8:17:22 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Its about the same in the UK, and for all the same reasons as have been posted here already.

To me, it seems that couples focus far too much on the wedding, and dont think at all about the next 50-60 years that follow what is a momentous day, but only one day nonetheless. Take my brother (before Blair sends him to Iraq, please - take him!); when he married last year, around £20,000-00 was spent on a wedding and reception - even in the UK this is a little OTT. When I said that such a sum would help no end in securing something better than his single bedroom flat for their future together, I was greeted with incredulity. One year on and they are still in that apartment and cannot plan a family, both are working full time to pay off the wedding and already I can see the stress of it all getting to them.
E

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 8:20:33 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		Just don't marry kids and everything will be fine

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 8:43:30 AM   
Honeybee80


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline 		My Theory on Marriage:

most people see being married as being in a room with someone with the door unlocked. Anytime things get rough they have the option to leave. I view it as being in a room with the door locked, bolted, reinforced and nailed shut. My husband and I have chosen to never get divorced.  When you envision that there is no way out, you will make it work somehow because no one wants to be locked in a room with someone they hate.

Another thing that strikes me as funny, I have lots of friends that know about our open marraige. I am constantly having to defend my choices and explain myself to these people, who by way of "helping", try to explain to me how what we're doing is wrong and it will end in divorce. Nevermind the fact that the vast majority of these people are already divorced or in unhappy marriages that lack communication. or, and this is the big one, are HAVING AFFAIRS.  I try to gently point this out, but they never want to hear it, surprise surprise.

People have said that it is impractical to stay married to only one person for 50+ years. I think it's more accurate to say that it's impractical to expect all of your needs to be fulfilled by one person for that long.  By placing your marriage first and giving each other the space to grow and experiment, and not expecting that the other person be everything for you. I don't think  it's unrealistic to stay married for 50 years.

_____________________________

We are all angels, each with only one wing, it is only when we embrace that we can truly fly.

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 8:53:42 AM   
Kashan


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		I got married really young becasue I wanted kids. I have since found out, if you want kids, and can afford them, have them. Don't wait for Mr. Right. Most guys aren't ready to settle down until they are at least 40. Most women should be having kids in their 20's. Now if the twenty year olds got with the 40 year olds, it might work , but ew!
Ever since I was a kid I didn't believe marriage meant anything, as proven by my divorced parents. It's just a piece of paper. If two people really want to be together, they will be. No paper makes it more real. And you have to be prepared to forgive and forgive and forgive again. It's just the choice to put up with someone's shit or not. It's not easy for anyone.

(in reply to Honeybee80)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 9:08:33 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Here is a fascinating article analyzing these "divorce rates".  Give it a read.

http://divorcesupport.about.com/cs/divorcestep1/a/aa061699_2.htm


Good info Ken.. Thanks :)

When I was reading it.. I thought.. "If NOBODY gets married.. then the divorce rate will REALLY be nil!"  Maybe the young'uns got something here :)   But then we have the rights issues and transfer of property issues to deal with if there was no binding contract.

This was one of my brain-fart type of questions.  I was just wondering what life is like on the outside these days is all.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 9:14:23 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		  I think the  high divorce rates are due to the "instant gratification" attitude of most,  and that people simply marry far too quickly.

I met my ex husband when i was 17....and married him at 22. ...we only dated for about 8 months before marriage.(not a mistake i would make again)  I stayed far longer than was healthy for myself...or my children out of the desire to exhaust all possibilities rather than divorce. And to be honest, partially from fear, wondering how i would cope with 3 children on my own.  I know many speak of instant karma, and love at first sight, but thats just not a concept that works for me


< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 9/11/2006 9:16:39 AM >

(in reply to Honeybee80)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 9:14:51 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

When I was on vacation and I saw on some TV program a *professional* in relationships who came to proclaim that women who work outside of the home are more likely to have affairs and cause hostlity at home as opposed to *devoted* homemakers. This was his number one reason for divorces and he supposedly had data to back up his claim.

To me a woman's job has nothing to do with the relationship she has with her husband. If the pair aren't getting along then its not the job to blame its the two people involved. Towards the end of the program it was stated that this professional was part of one of the larger Christian advocacy groups found in the US.

They so desperately want to force us back to the 1950's (or earlier) that they would claim just about anything.

Divorce happens because  two people can't get along, usually from differences in personality or  someone is cheating. Although there are several other factors too, I don't think you can point the finger at just one spouse or reason.

~Lashra



This one really made me smile. My mom never worked, had six kids and no car. None of that seemed to slow her down when it came to her multiple affairs. The funniest part, when my dad finally got fed up with it all and decided what's good for the gander is good for the goose, my mom kicked him out and divorced him! I should find the guy that did that programme and introduce him to my parents.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 9:42:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		FR:

1)  Because people want to be and get married, but don't think anything much about "having a marriage" long term.

2)  Because the concept of long term monogamous marriage is an archaic culture based system which is now competing against tons of other culture based relationship systems now available to people at large. 

Unfortunately, people tend to only find out about their other options AFTER they've experienced #1.

I don't think hardly anyone goes into a marriage not taking it seriously, and I don't think hardly anyone divorces without serious feelings and ideas involved.  It might happen far more frequently, but I don't think it's hardly ever done frivolously.

I think we need to get rid of the idea that marriage is THE relationship system to begin with.  Once people stop feeling pressured to be "married" or taught that it's the "only system" then they won't be as quick to get into it to begin with and THEN have to deal with so many marriages.

Marriage is the right choice for many people...but not nearly everyone, and not nearly everyone at the age they traditionally make the choice.

Not that I expect it to happen any time soon.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 9:53:36 AM   
TigerLily23


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline 		I was watching Dr. Phil a while ago and he (or I believe he) coined a new phrase, "Starter Marriage."  That for some, it takes a marriage then a divorce for one to realize what they really want out of a relationship.  When they marry for the second (third, fourth and yes sometimes fifth...I know a guy who is working on marriage number six) they have a better understanding of self and often (but not always) make better choices in a mate.

_____________________________

Lily

Nosce te ipsum...Know Thyself

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 9:58:23 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I suspect the divorce rate is so high simply because the marriage relationship isn't valued as much as it once was.  It has become less about "us" and more about "me" in society.  Also, people want what they want NOW, rather than being sensible about their decisions.  Marriage partners are somehow disposable in this day and age.
 
Personally, this is not the case.  Pup and I dated for three years before he proposed to me.  We agreed before getting married that we would work through our future problems and that divorce was not an option.  We knew going in that it wouldn't always be peaches and cream, but that we were close enough and honest enough to work together through troubles.  I was 24 and he was 26 when we got married.  We will not be having children.  We wish to explore life together, as a couple, as lovers, as best friends.  Our bond and relationship is important to us.  We're going through life together.
 
zuma

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 10:43:24 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kashan

I got married really young becasue I wanted kids.


I got married so I could die with someone by my side.

(in reply to Kashan)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 10:48:46 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I just wonder why the Christians aren't demonstrating in the streets to make the covenant between a couple and god illegal to break asunder.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 11:02:03 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		See what I mean people?  A classic case in point of someone with a vendetta and no clue what he is talking about.  He just yaps on and on and on about the same thing, thread after thread after thread.  Would you listen to a song that consisted solely of one note?  My point exactly.  Usually any intelligent person is capable of carrying on a discussion about more than one topic, no?

Anyways, divorce is not condemned in the Bible.  Anywhere.  Paul suggests that we are not to divorce, except in cases of marital unfaithfulness or where an unbelieving spouse walks away from the marriage, but if we do we are not to remarry.  We are encouraged to seek reconciliation.  Note that these are Paul's suggestion, not God's.  You can find Paul's ideas on divorce in 1 Corinthians 7.

Trust Me... I study the Bible, down to the Greek and Hebrew.  You have no clue what you are talking about and every time you open your mouth about Christianity you look like a tool.

Now, if you can do us all a favour and.......

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 9/11/2006 11:07:59 AM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: THE DIVORCE RATE - 9/11/2006 11:08:00 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		CD and SirK - time out boys! You're not even married to be having this sort of argument!

....................... or are you!?
E

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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