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topcat -> RE: Advice for flipping a romantic relationship (9/9/2006 5:50:51 AM)
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M.Dayraven-
Most of my relationships, and indeed, the best ones, were with a partner who I brought to this stuff, and some of the most disaterous and short lived ones as well. I have found a few points that might help you make it the former case, rather than the latter.
First of all, despite the advice that you will likely get, Don't have a conversation about this stuff, Don't buy her any books or send her to a website to learn about it. It's most likely to scare her off.
Do introduce this stuff gradually, and as simply as possible. Start by simply pinning her with your hands. The first time you tie her down, don't break out leather cuffs and chains- use a bathrobe tie, or her bra, somthing simple and innoculous. Go slow, don't push the issue, and don't push for feedback, either- give her time to process it.
NEVER use scene terminology like BDSM, dominant, submissive, scene, kink, bondage, whatever- words have different connetations to people, let her decide what she is comfortable calling it. As much as I dislike refering to this stuff as 'play' it's a good word to use with a neophyte.
Keep it light hearted, and fun, joke about it... Above all, be patient.
Stay warm,
Lawrence
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