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MistressTheaZ -> RE: Pro dommes, can I have your help? (9/9/2006 5:12:10 AM)
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Greetings Miss Silver Cat,
I am sorry to hear about your experience; I do hope that you've sought out support for yourself to build back the sense of self and personal security that he has taken from you. The anxiety felt within that type of violation is difficult at best to work through. I had an experience some years ago when a 'sub', (term used loosely), waited for Me to leave the dungeon one night and caught up to Me on My way to the subway - in the dark, alone. What happened was bad enough but I was thankful it seemed like an isolated incident, and I was much more careful afterward when I returned to the dungeon.
I'm not certain how dungeons operate there - will you be booking appointments independently and renting space there or working as a house Mistress for the dungeon, (i.e., they book your appointments and you work a set schedule)?
If you book your own appointments, I'd encourage you to screen potential subs. Filter out brand-new clients for time being until you can get comfortable and only see those who can give at least two references - other Mistresses they have served, Dungeons they frequent - which you can check out and confirm. Anyone who hesitates sharing about themselves? Launch them. Always listen to your gut.
Regarding protecting your safety - are you meeting subs outside or just concerned about meeting them for appointments? Regardless, I'd advise giving out as little personal information as possible which could be used to identify you IRL or locate you. Dedicate a pre-paid mobile phone and only use that for phone contact. If meeting outside of the dungeon, meet at a public place, and park your car out of sight. Always have a safety check with a friend who knows what you do - tell them where you will be, with whom, and when you expect to be finished. Call when you are through and check-in. Never be the first to leave - let the new sub leave, wait 15-20 minutes while you chat with a friend, have a cup of coffee, or whatever works - and then go. If you have doubts, perhaps a friend or fellow Mistress wouldn't mind walking you out and making sure you go home safely, or arrange another safety-check in call en route. If you meet friendly Mistresses at this new dungeon, perhaps go in to work together sometimes or out for dinner afterward? Try to change your routine in ways that will help ease your anxiety - perhaps a treat with a nice dinner after work, a manicure appointment, a chat with a good friend - whatever makes you feel good. Associate some good things with work and give yourself those pick-me-up breaks and treats for yourself - it does help.
As for ProDomme resources, I do think it is different than Lifestyle play, but the essence remains the same. Check in with the Dungeon whether they hold workshops, (or perhaps initiate some? [:D]), or can recommend leather organizations in the area. Go to the meetings and workshops within the local scene - meet people, become more comfortable and refine your skills r/t. I've had a lot of fun in the past bartering time with other Mistresses to exchange skills - they would teach me something of interest, (example: japanese bondage, fire play, etc.), and I would barter My time in thanks - either by teaching them a specialty of My own or participating in double sessions with their clients. The other Mistresses are a resource within themselves - do talk with them openly and express interest in the local goings-on and ask their advice. I know I was always happy to help others when approached in that manner.
Best of luck going forward.
~Thea
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