Long-term relationship with sub

Long-term relationship with sub (Full Version)

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maledave777 -> Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 6:02:17 AM)
I would love to find a Domme and to develop a long-term relationship with her. I want to be in a marriage relationship where she would rule over me. I love to submit to a dominant woman not just in a scene but all the time. I really love to do housework. I feel most Domme wives expect their submissive husbands to do most or all of the housework. I know that she would want to control other areas of my life like my finances, possessions, health, and other things. Sometimes I am afraid of this. I do feel since she would really care about me that she would have my best interest at heart. At least I hope so. I would like to ask the Mistressess and Dommes if you are looking for a long-term relationship. How much control do you want over the submissive male? I feel women are much better at relationships than men are in several ways. Does a woman give off body signals if she is interested in me?

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 6:20:10 AM)
I think if you are looking for marriage, it's a good idea to have a good foundation of friendship, trust, support, and love before the D/s part comes in. You seem to know how you want it to be, but also remember that micromanaging someone else's life takes a lot of time and effort. I'm in a long term relationship, but we don't live together. We have some rituals we do, but it's a balance for me. I wouldn't want to control all aspects of my husband's life, but I know many Dommes that do. Be well, Julie

thetammyjo -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 7:32:33 AM)
looks at the books on her shelves next to her and her calendar Are you kidding me? I don't have time to fully control someone else's life. My slave's job is to make my life easier (which he does) and allow me to do all of these things. I put in the time to train, I try to give clear orders, I set up the rules and expectations but damn I don't have the desire or time to constantly being controling someone else. Maybe that's not what you meant though. Just FYI not all long-term 24/7 relationships are married ones. In fact, I couldn't be married to my slave because I think the role of husband and slave are different. As for submissives, well, as I use the term that's a short-term dynamic that comes and goes if it is arecognitized dynamic. But I've owned Fox now for almost 7 years. I meant our anniversary was one month away last night during our bedtime ritual and his eyes and face lit up. He said "I'm getting excited, Mistress". Off the subject I guess.

maledave777 -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 9:05:31 AM)
I do appreicated your Ladies comments and advice. Thank you. I wanted explain why I felt that she would want to control other areas of my life. She would want me to know she is in control always. She might not want to spend time checking out the details. If there were any area that she thought, she needed to check out, that my life would be an open book to her. She might tell me changes she wants to take place.

thetammyjo -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 9:15:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maledave777 I do appreicated your Ladies comments and advice. Thank you. I wanted explain why I felt that she would want to control other areas of my life. She would want me to know she is in control always. She might not want to spend time checking out the details. If there were any area that she thought, she needed to check out, that my life would be an open book to her. She might tell me changes she wants to take place. That's more like being open to her decisions and authority than her being in control I'd say. That seems more reasonable to me especially for long-term relationships. That's how we are. I could make more decisions and direct Fox more but I don't want to do so. The fact that I could do that, that he would recognize my authority, is enough for me and allows me to be more myself. I've done it the other way. I was more actively in control but it really wore on me and frankly it wore on my slave at that time too. It sounds hot in fantasy but 24/7 can really drag in my experience.

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 9:28:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maledave777 I would like to ask the Mistressess and Dommes if you are looking for a long-term relationship. How much control do you want over the submissive male? Well, since I would only consider a submissive male willing to be employed outside the home, I would not have complete control over him for the eight hours he was at work. I respect the fact that the submissive is being paid to do what the employer expects, so I keep interruptions to a minimum while he is at work. By the same token, I really don't expect a sub to bother Me at work with petty things he should be able to handle on his own. Since I have many interests outside of BDSM, I am not looking for someone I would have to micro-manage. I belong to some metaphysical groups and professional organizations, take classes, etc., so the sub would need to function independently while I was away from home. What I usually do is make up a list of things he is to accomplish in My absence, then just check and make sure he did as expected. While in My presence, I definitely expect the submissive to defer to Me, such as obeying the rules, rituals, and protocol I have established. For example, I have a specific greeting ritual that I expect to be followed. He is also required to ask permission before eating, smoking, leaving the house, etc. I am not looking over his shoulder at every turn, but do expect him to respect the established rules I have set forth. If he does not, there most definitely are consequences. To Me, this a moderate degree of control, though people I know have different opinions. Lady Topaz

abytchgoddess4u -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 11:58:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maledave777 I would like to ask the Mistressess and Dommes if you are looking for a long-term relationship. How much control do you want over the submissive male? I feel women are much better at relationships than men are in several ways. Does a woman give off body signals if she is interested in me? ~raises hand~ I am! Almost total, eventually...but I don't believe that can be accomplished without complete devotion on both sides, which is very rare and difficult to achieve. Not that they wouldn't have input, but I would always have final say. Plus, I would want my DH to be in longterm chastity(eventually), which automatically ups the control level. I think both sexes can be great or crappy at relationships. Communication is paramount and owning one's own shit is crucial. And yes, I think all people give off signals if they are interested...but they vary from person to person. ---------- Edited for spelling.

MisPandora -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 10:56:25 PM)
quote: I would like to ask the Mistressess and Dommes if you are looking for a long-term relationship. How much control do you want over the submissive male? Yes. I'm not about to micromanage. I'm one that doesn't stand over the fellow with a cat and MAKE him work. He knows that I'll be disappointed (or worse, will have to do over whatever it was that he's been assigned to do) and is motivated to do it well, or suffer consequences that I've set forth. He's the kind of guy who wants to be pleasing and obedient to me, and he also thrives on my sadism and knows that he's NOT going to get that should he fuck up. I'm not about to follow him to to work to make sure that he's doing what he should there, but I hope that by the time that we're in an LTR together, that he's to the point where he is motivated to do the right thing and do his best, regardless of being in front of me or not, because he knows that he is a reflection OF ME. He's disciplined and he takes care of himself so as not to make me worry about him: he goes to bed at a decent hour, he asks to seek out healthcare when he's not feeling well, etc. He's also attentive to me and understands the stressful work that I do, and will not be so co-dependent that he needs minute-by-minute validation for who he is, what he needs to do and what he's done, but is a functional slave who benefits from my "motivation". Sexually, we're partners and I do get what I want, and I will not stand for a dishrag in the bed. He needs to be passionate, hungry and willing. As involved with the BDSM community as I am, I would expect this fellow to accompany me to scene events (you'd be surprised how big an ordeal this is for most submissives, as they are more closeted than gay men in the 50s & 60s.) I'm not asking him to strip naked, wear a harness and run down Main Street, but he IS my partner. I would hope that I can have him by my side in service to me and that he'll do well by me when surrounded by other likeminded individuals and be demonstrative of my training and control. If he is an established slave or has slavecraft to teach, I expect him to give back to the community, either through a MaST chapter or via being a presenter at workshops or SM events. And then there's the whole "life" part -- you know, bills, work, etc. He's empowered to be my partner and a responsible member of my home, and there are times that he's expected to take charge of things! (So many guys who have this slave fantasty think we're going to do everything for them!) You tend to find a balance that's more vanilla than kink, but it's fantastic to be in a relationship with someone who you know their innermost feelings, drives and taboos and can incorporate that and the power exchange into your whole existence.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/9/2006 11:07:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maledave777 I would like to ask the Mistressess and Dommes if you are looking for a long-term relationship. How much control do you want over the submissive male? My plan is to completely control (not micromanage, just control) my boy once we move to 24/7. The plan right now is to have everything signed over into my name, from the house to the cars to the incoming money. Since I will control the money, I will also be the one worrying about the bills and things. He will have his set of responsabilities, housework and cooking and whatever other chores need be done. I am the physical agressor now anyway, so my being the one to control our sex life wont be much of a change. He is perfectly happy to slip into a typical "housewife" position, while I am the man in the relaitonship. And, just to add a note, he is being properly collared this coming week, unless something goes awry. Until we are coser by, though, he is allowed to be more self sufficent. quote: I feel women are much better at relationships than men are in several ways. Does a woman give off body signals if she is interested in me? Some do, some dont. If you arent good at picking up the subtle stuff, you might miss it. I am about as subtle as a jackhammer, but then again I never had a reason to be, either. I speak my mind, make the moves and its always worked for me. Some Ladies, domme or not, prefer the more subtle side of tings. So dont depend on seeing a body sign. If you wonder if shes interested, ask. DV

LadyAlexa -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/10/2006 11:24:41 AM)
doesn't have to be micromanaged; every aspect examined all the time; once things are in place within any relationship....it should work. If the sub does what is expected in the ways it's expected..then it works. If they are honest, open in their communication i.e. Ma'am there is another way that I've used before...or...there is one way I've seen it done which might serve you better. Point is: it all starts in the mind..and ends there. If the mind of the submissive is not engaged to be controlled 24/7 then it's not. If it's in gear, then the submissive will always be intuned with what is expected of them 24/7 even if at work, with family, not glued to the side of the Domme. Submission....is a mindset. When my sub states: whatever I accomplish, I do it for You...then that says volumes. Alexa quote: ORIGINAL: maledave777 I would love to find a Domme and to develop a long-term relationship with her. I want to be in a marriage relationship where she would rule over me. I love to submit to a dominant woman not just in a scene but all the time. I really love to do housework. I feel most Domme wives expect their submissive husbands to do most or all of the housework. I know that she would want to control other areas of my life like my finances, possessions, health, and other things. Sometimes I am afraid of this. I do feel since she would really care about me that she would have my best interest at heart. At least I hope so. I would like to ask the Mistressess and Dommes if you are looking for a long-term relationship. How much control do you want over the submissive male? I feel women are much better at relationships than men are in several ways. Does a woman give off body signals if she is interested in me?

littlesarbonn -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/10/2006 1:20:37 PM)
When I first started out, I began by craving something somewhat similar, the total control aspect of a bdsm relationship. After getting involved in my first live-in experience, I began to see how much work it is to be "on" at least a large percentage of the time. To be honest, it seemed like it was somewhat exhausting to her. She was also working pro domme sessions practically every day, so that was exhausting her as well. As it turned out, I wasn't really all that much of a benefit to her. I was just too new to understand or even see that. Since then, I've been involved in more "real" life experiences where I remember what attracted me to this desire in the first place. I desire to be an asset TO her and not a burden that's pursuing my own particular fetishistic desires. What I have discovered is that sometimes a woman actually takes great pleasure in pursuing fantasies that she knows really turn me on, especially if I devote the majority of my time to making her happy in whatever way is possible. Since then, I've come to savor the experience of being there for an owner I serve and relish every pleasure that comes as part of the relationship as well. An example: While as a live-in during my last relationship, I knew that my Mistress was busy and overworking herself practically to death. No matter what kind of input I put in, that wasn't going to change. I came to accept that. However, when she was done working for the day (she was a professional dominant), I did everything possible to not act as one of those do me submissives that needs the dominant's attention 24/7. I learned to anticipate the needs she had by simple osmosis of being there all the time. I then started to look into things I could do to anticipate what I believed she would want, and I went about doing those sorts of things without ever turning around and jumping up and down and making noise to the effect of "look what I did...look what I did!". Instead, I chugged on ahead, doing things that would make her day easier without her having to order me around to do the things for her, or even worse, to have to do them herself because she was one of those perfectionists who often forgot she had a slave living with her and would do something herself and then remark immediately after, "oh, I should have had you do that." One week, she rarely even saw me around the house, even though she knew I was around somewhere (it was a huge house). Then, one day, she decided to drive me to the store with her, and as we were heading out of the garage, she stopped suddenly and her eyes opened wide. "Did you do that?" I nodded. While she had been busy with session after session, I turned her jungle of a back yard into a well manicured garden. She was pleased beyond belief, and I was happier than you can possibly imagine, mainly because I knew I had pleased her without her having to tell me to do it. The funny thing is: We had a relationship where we both understood that she was completely in charge. That's where it all began. Sometimes, the less she has to be reminded of it, the better the circumstances of the control dynamic.

DivaDuchess -> RE: Long-term relationship with sub (9/11/2006 2:55:22 AM)
At this time, We are not looking for a male sub/slave. And ... we may have found ourselves a very nice Poly sister for our family who is a submissive. I digress ... it is very possible to have the relationship, it's living a consistant role reversal. I have a friend and her husband who are like that. She control everything from what he does during the day (he remains home, she works), to the money and food they eat. They enjoy the public style of punishments and dicsipline s as do some of those around them (like me for instance) when she does that. It works like any other relationship ... hard work and desire.

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