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SubmitAndBeLoved -> Article on Power and Relationships (1/8/2005 10:41:49 AM)
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From http://www.angryharry.com/index2.html
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Harry
Could you please explain what exactly you mean about finding women with less power. I kind of understand but then again I kind of do not understand. I always thought that oftentimes, women with less power are the most dangerous because they crave to gain the power and one way to do that is to falsely accuse you of things, etc.
S
Hi S
When I was a teenager (mid to late 1960s) one of the things that my mother used to tell me was this. "Never marry a woman who is richer than you, because she will be holding all the cards."
Her point, of course, was that when it came to family and relationships in those days, the man's financial position was about the only thing that he had going for him. And without a good position, he would always be at the woman's mercy. She would rule the house and the children (i.e. the most important elements of a family) and if she also had more money than him, then what, exactly, did he have to offer her?
Nothing!
And with nothing to offer, it would not take long before the relationship deteriorated.
And she would rule it!
These days, however, the converse is surely true. If my mother was still alive, she would probably say, "Never marry a woman who is significantly POORER than you, because she will be holding all the cards."
LOL!
How times have changed, eh?
However, my point about having more 'power' really refers mostly to psychological power - as it applies in all sorts of areas. And I don't mean 'power' as in having the power to mistreat somebody and get away with it.
For example, if you are feeling ill, does she **really** care. Does it really upset her to see you unwell?
If you stub your toe does she laugh, or does she do her best to make you feel better?
If the latter, then you have 'power'.
Do you both go out to work, and does she, therefore, rely on you to do A, B and C. And does she genuinely **appreciate** the fact that you do A, B and C?
If she does, then you have 'power'.
Does she orgasm wildly when you are having sex?
If so, then you have power.
Do you find it relatively easy to persuade her to your point of view?
If so, then you have power.
How much of your state of emotional well-being depends on her attitude towards you? Do you have other interests, other friends, or is she your sole provider of emotional happiness?
Such things relate to your power vis-a vis the relationship.
There are zillions of factors that can be assessed to see how the power cookie crumbles.
And my point about power refers to these kinds of things.
And, loosely speaking, the more power that you have the less likely are things to go against you.
And then, as time goes by, if things go well, then you get to know each other so well, and you rely on each other so much, that you become so important to each other that you could barely live without each other.
But it is almost impossible to know in advance whether or not this is going to happen. It takes YEARS to achieve this happy state of affairs - probably at least a decade these days given the huge forces currently being mustered by various powerful groups to undermine relationships.
And while this long process is taking place it is very important to monitor it closely. If you remain blind to all these fine details - and, perhaps, spend your time thinking about sports, work, and other things instead of about 'the relationship' - you are setting yourself up for a possible shock.
In summary, therefore, in order to protect yourself, you need to keep your eye closely on 'the relationship', risk only what you can afford to lose, and keep checking to see that you have enough power within it.
What is the point of even being with women if it is always a game?
Well. You probably wouldn't say that about bringing up children. And yet the same kind of issues apply. You manipulate things so that the children do well and are stable and happy.
Indeed, most parents are always scheming up ways to make their children happier. But they wouldn't call it a 'game'.
And I would argue that in much the same way that you would wheel and deal in order to manipulate matters for the well-being of the children, so you should do the same when it comes to your relationship with a woman that you love.
But I think that I understand your point. You are suggesting that if you have to monitor and manipulate consciously the progress of a relationship then, somehow, you are cheating and devaluing it.
WRONG!
The truth is that the more effort that you put into something, the better does it develop - because you steer it that way - and the more do you actually end up appreciating and valuing it.
Furthermore, be aware that - whether you like it or not - women will be doing exactly these things (consciously monitoring, testing and manipulating the relationship). They are very attuned to relationship matters.
Once you let a woman know that you love her to death, it seems that it is all over. What a sad state of affairs, and a psychotic one at that.
I think that you are right.
If you love your woman to death then she can easily become complacent and contemptuous.
And, of course, you become taken for granted.
But there is a way round this.
The fact of the matter is that (within limits) the greater is the INTENSITY of the interactions that take place between the two of you, the more do you bond emotionally to each other.
INTENSITY X FREQUENCY = BONDING
Conversely, if the interactions are few and of low intensity (e.g. watching the TV all evening together in relative silence) then the bonding is somewhat diminished.
Unsurprisingly.
It is only when you are truly settled together that you can really afford to sit in front of the TV every evening with the woman you love.
And so the question of how you can increase both the intensity and the frequency of the interactions that take place between you and your (newish) partner is a very important one - particularly if you love her and you do not want her to become complacent.
But the interesting thing is that the QUALITY of the interactions (within limits) seems to be neither here nor there. And this is why, for example, couples who fight and argue a great deal - often involving domestic violence - often seem to become extremely attached to each other.
And if you bear in mind that the QUALITY of the interactions is relatively unimportant it should not be too difficult to maintain interactions of high intensity and of high frequency without pandering to her every whim, and so making her complacent.
Putting this all rather bluntly, you can afford to give her a hard time on occasion and yet still increase her bonding to you.
Further, it is also important not to be bamboozled too much by 'the media'. Most ****successful**** relationships are pretty mundane and 'boring'. But the focus of the media is on the unusual and the exhilarating, and the impression is given that everyone is having a great time.
This is wholesale nonsense.
And, in my view, another good idea is to refuse to engage in any relationship with a woman who insists on absorbing through the media all the misandric BS that is forever being produced.
If she watches Oprah, find someone else! - or give her such a hard time over it that she stops watching such things.
If my missus started watching Oprah, I'd sign up to the Playboy Channel.
After all, what is sauce for the goose!
"If you are going to get your kicks from absorbing other people's emotional stuff and polluting our relationship with it then I'll get my kicks from their sexual stuff."
Yes indeed, There are many aspects to balancing the 'power' in relationships!
And they need to be monitored closely.
And since I seem to be on a pontificatory ramble at the moment - LOL! - here are a few others things that I would recommend.
1. Make it clear from the outset that you are the boss. By doing this you will only attract women who like it this way.
And most of them do, in fact, like it this way.
The feminist claptrap flooding the western media is bogus.
2. Never invest your everything in anyone. Always make sure that there are many avenues (and/or many people) through which your life gains meaning, stability and happiness.
3. Try never to allow your gonads to rule your head. They have a very powerful and disarming influence on men and this influence is best curtailed. Furthermore, curtailing this influence is very satisfying and liberating; rather like giving up cocaine!
Indeed, a diminishing sexual drive as one gets older is a plus, not a minus.
4. Avoid falling for women who seem to desire forever being pandered to. They have very lofty opinions of themselves. And they are particularly dangerous in this day and age.
However, if you happen to like 'weak' women then instead of pandering to them, boss them about.
If they do not like this and protest enough to block your bossy efforts, then they are not 'weak'.
They are deceiving you.
If they love it, keep it up.
If they do not seem to appreciate much in the way of interaction, the chances are that the relationship is doomed.
Remember: INTENSITY X FREQUENCY = BONDING
5. Men and women are not the same. The chances are that you will be more attached to her than she is to you. And if she has children, you will always come below them in her list of priorities.
Never forget this.
6. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you are going to find a woman who thinks the world of you.
This is extremely unlikely to happen.
Except, perhaps, temporarily.
A little more pragmatism is required!
7. Choose a woman who is as wealthy as you, or wealthier. Don't make the mistake of falling for the alluring and seductive charms of a woman who has comparatively little.
The greater the financial disparity, the longer should be the courtship period so that you can better determine her true feelings.
8. If you discover that your woman lies or exaggerates a great deal then get the hell out.
You have no hope.
None!
The same goes for histrionics.
Get the hell out before your life is completely ruined - no matter how emotionally attached you are.
Out. Out. Out.
No ifs.
No buts.
GET OUT.
9. On the whole, the more that a woman seems to put up with your more heinous of ways, the more is she attached to you.
So. Take notice of how much 'aggravation' from you she will endure before she starts complaining, protesting, slamming doors, whatever.
Assess the matter carefully.
As I said earlier, keep monitoring the situation - and consider the whole relationship, not just the isolated incidents.
And adjust yourself accordingly.
Forward planning!
In summary: If you remain ***constantly*** alert over matters to do with 'a relationship', while at the same time ***constantly*** adjusting to them, nothing is likely to get too far out of hand.
You will maintain a reasonable amount of 'power' over the situation.
HOWEVER.
IN PRACTICE.
Thanks to the various shenanigans of the vindictive emotionally-retarded feminists and the battalions of self-serving nincompoops found working in the various sections of the gargantuan abuse industry, it is exceedingly difficult for men these days to achieve some kind of balance of power within their relationships.
And this is why they must attempt to do this through psychology and forward planning.
As such, they need to be much tougher on their women and much more wary of them than they would otherwise have needed to be - which is why domestic violence is on the increase.
But, of course, there is something else that you can do to empower yourself when it comes to your relationships.
And this it to understand what is going on out there with regard to those self-serving organisms that feed like vultures off the broken and unstable relationships that they themselves are purposely creating.
By doing this, and by explaining to others close to you (and to her) what is going on out there, you end up protecting yourself to some degree.
Some women, for example, are quite shocked to discover how prejudicial are the relationship laws against men, and they can often begin to appreciate far more the meaning of any 'risks' that you might be taking for the benefit of the relationship; i.e. you might get more brownie points from them.
Indeed, you should demand these extra points when it comes to balancing any of the emotional accounts of the relationship.
For example, "My dear Woman, the very fact that we live together demonstrates just how highly I must think of you given the risks that I am taking. The converse, however, is not true. You are not taking any risks at all. As such, I want more!"
Finally, while it is clearly wonderful to have a close, secure, satisfying, intimate, interesting, sexual, lifelong, monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite gender, this is not very easy to achieve.
Indeed, **every** 'single' adult that you will **ever** meet has failed to find such a wonderful relationship and/or has failed to maintain it.
***All*** of their past relationships have failed in this respect.
***ALL*** OF THEM!
And even those who do have relationships - perhaps even married - are not necessarily having a great time with them.
And so my point is that you should not despair too much and believe that most of the people out there are having great intimate relationships.
They are not.
And such relationships are often not as good as they are portrayed to be. They often involve a great deal of sacrifice and aggravation. And even after all this, they often simply deteriorate.
And so, given that there are many other things in life, it is probably best never to dwell glumly for too long on the absence of a great monogamous relationship with one woman.
The most important factors governing the levels of people's health and happiness are having good friends, companions, loved ones (e.g. siblings, past girlfriends, children and, of course wives) and keen interests.
And so if you cannot find a 'wife', there are plenty of other ways to be happy.
Well. That's my view!
Harry
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