undergroundsea
Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
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In my opinion, reality is that one cannot commit to quitting his job to move in with a person he has not known for a while, much less someone with whom one has not yet had an in-person meeting. That he was ready to quit his job suggests to me the larger reason was that he was engrossed in his fantasy without regard to reality or rational thought.
To speak about relationships in general, I think a courtship proceeds best when both persons feel comfortable with the space and pace of the courtship. If one moves too fast for the other or the interest is too much out of parity, one will feel a bit uncomfortable.
Also speaking in general, I have mixed thoughts about the tone of initial conversations. Sometimes I lean towards a tone that creates two separate tiers--a superior one and a subordinate one. Sometimes I have gone with a casual, person-to-person tone. Whatever the case, I think the tone should allow for the sub to be comfortable to express concerns without consequence so long as it is done with respect. If a courtship begins with a more formal tone with two inequal statuses in place, perhaps it would help for either party to proactively discuss a protocol for the sub to raise concerns.
At time of the first instance of no contact, I wonder how the matter might have proceeded if he were asked to explain why he did not maintain contact, and probed for the fundamental reason. I think that question is just as important if not more than the chastisement and punishment. I think actions speak louder than words and the motivation behind an action speaks louder yet. In my opinion, there are several possibilities for why he responded as he did: he is engrossed by fantasy but fears the reality or at least the uncertainty about what reality is like, the pace and space--to which he seems to have equally contributed if not more--may have become uncomfortable for him, his actions were driven by his want for a fantasy (specific to the scenario) versus chemistry (specific to the person) and he began to withdraw upon returning to reality, he is flake who overcommits and avoids conversations which might carry disharmony or he fears saying no to a domme even if there is a legitimate reason.
In any case, I wonder if it might be better next time to meet in person and assess mutual chemistry and the sub's maturity towards submission before investing the time you did about the schedule. I think it might help mitigate some matters that can challenge such a courtship and lessen the disappointment should the relationship you seek not arrive.
Cheers,
Sea
< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 9/17/2006 7:26:20 PM >
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RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 
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